Is he going back to his wife?

A few months ago, a crush of mine became separated from his wife and we have become very close. While they were still together we used to talk for hours while they were apart. As soon as they separated, we began spending a lot of time together. We went on vacation together with his family and his son. He doesn't call me his girlfriend, even though its pretty common knowledge. We have a lot of fun together. We have been friends for 15 years. We were intimate several years ago, however, after that his wife (girlfriend at the time) became pregnant. She had a son and soon later they got married, leaving me in the dust. Now here I am hoping I have my other chance with this wonderful guy. I have liked him for so long.

A few weeks ago his wife was diagnosed with Stage1B Cervical Cancer. He has been spending a lot of time talking with her, and doing things for her. They have been talking a lot more frequently. I have noticed that while we still talk everyday, the calls have become much shorter, and most of our conversations are thorough text messages.

Should I be a little worried? They have been separated about 5 months now, and our relationship is going fine. They don't talk everyday, but just about. Is there something I should be doing here?

Updates:
I know you guys think I'm crazy, but I think he left his wife for me. He hasn't spent the night with her or anything..they have just been talking more on the phone. Plus we still talk twice as much as him and his wife do. do I have a chance?
He says he's not going back to her. There relationship is over, and he wants to be with me. We spent all night last night talking about it. Looks like you guys are wrong, he isn't going back to his wife after all. They were only married a year anyways
I don't know why everyone thinks I am the bad guy here. He pursued me when he was unhappy in his marriage. And we are really good friends anyways. I don't understand why I am wrong here first of all and is he probably going to go back to her?
I did ask several times if he was ABSOUTELY sure he wanted to leave her before he actually left anyways. He was ABSOUTELY sure.
I don't get it because he is married they are separated. She has filed for divorce. Is that the part I am missing. I mean, is there a chance at all?

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Most Helpful Girl

  • wow okay. well first of all, If she is pretty much dying I don't see why you need to do something for him too talk too you more. that's his Wife. or ex wife. he's gonna have that instinct to care as much as he can. he's been married too her and he loves her deeply and that will never change. Unless they are divorced, I don't think you should be friends with benifits. he's still married. taking a break is totally different compared to a divorced. that man still belongs too her. and all your gonna do is make things worse. I think you should honestly leave him. be friends. but the benifit part is rather disgusting. all that sh*t right there ruins everything. and come one, why would you mess around with a married man. he has a f***ing son! poor kid. all you do is confuse the kid. FRIENDS with BENIFIT is rather disturbing and its not a sexy trait in a women. "is he going back too his wife" well if I were my husband and he found out I had cancer, hell yeah id go back too her. she's hella a lot more important then just some thing for pleasure.

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What Girls Said 6

  • Even though you did have an intimate relationship before, that was his girlfriend at the time. I can't judge you as a person, but you are "the other girl" in this situation. If anything, you should be looking for someone better for yourself. Seems to me he may still have emotional connection with his "wife/soon to be ex wife" just because they will always have the connection of their son as well. They will always talk and they will always have some sort of friendship/relationship. You're getting yourself into a mess. Not that you can't be with someone who has been married before, but the fact that you have a past with him and was "the other girl" is going to make things a lot more difficult.

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  • I understand you really like this guy and you really want an opportunity to have that fairy tale ending with him. However, this man is still married and his wife will always be his first priority. You will always come second in his eyes and you can either just accept that position or move on. You can still have a good friendship with him, but I think it's best to distant yourself right now from him. His wife is very sick, so he will be dedicating most of his time to her. I also think you wanted to live happily ever after with this man from years ago, until he got his wife pregnant. Now that your dream of having him as your man is pretty much gone, you should make a new reality for yourself. You will never have him the way you want to, so why waste your time? You should find a man who doesn't have all that baggage and move on with your life. Waiting on him will only cause more damage.

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  • Girl I feel sorry for you...you are a sad person. What you're doing is not only wrong, but its disturbing! you're pulling a married man away from his family and it's just sick. He's just as wrong, but you need back off and get your own life. His wife is dying and you are still pulling him away...god...you're sad!

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    • I agree. I only say that, because I'm married, and if my husband did that too me, that would be heart breaking. sad sad sad.

    • Girl you obviously don't get it!!!!! THE MAN IS MARRIED!!!! FIND A MAN THAT IS SINGLE! It's really that simple!

  • thats just sad. and were not wrong. you both are just very very stupid is all.

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  • How sad. The reason everyone here is bitchy to you is because you need the cold hard slap of the truth. WAKE UP!

    He is telling you what you want to hear because he wants to keep sleeping with you. You are old enough to understand that men are willing to do unspeakable things for vagina. Its really that simple. His wife has cancer, so she isn't going to be able to fulfill his needs. If she's so mean to him, why does he talk to her everyday? Obviously they still have an emotional connection. Sometimes distance makes the heart grow fonder.

    I know you want to believe this guy loves you, but he really doesn't. He will go back to his wife, and you will hate yourself for even doing this.

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  • ok...honestly...LEAVE THEM ALONE! I understand that you may love him, but he's not YOURS! He is a MARRIED man and you should be ashamed of yourself. My advice...move on and find another man who isn't married!

    You went on vacation with him and his son?!?!?! Lady...grow up and move on!

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    • We have been friends for 15 years, technically we are not dating..we are just friends, with benefits, I want more..he is no longer with his wife anyways, she was always mean to him.

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    • Yea, you know deep down inside that you have no future with him. You need to let go and find out why you need a married man to make you happy. You obviously have a low self-esteem because you feel like you can't do better than him. Realize your worth and move on. Things will be better for you.

    • Geez hun...let it be! You make me sad.....be WOMAN and not a little b*tch...

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