How to let go of the pain of a break up?

I personally just want to know how to let go of the pain of messing up a relationship. To let her go and to know, instead of telling myself that she has changed and/or that I can't be with her ever again in the future. She wants me to be in her life, she has told me this, I was about to walk out of her life because she had brought her current boy friend into a store I was in. That was when I realized I couldn't be her friend I just had such a strong emotion for her right then. She told me about how she does not want to lose me, that she wants to be able to do stuff with me through out our college lives (despite being on different paths in our lives and wanting different things). Its been a month since I have last seen her and its been 2 weeks since we last had a real conversation. In this time I have asked her once to go do something and well we ended up canceling and she has asked me 3 times to go do something (once a week basically) ranging from coffee to dinner and from just walking to spending time with each other during a class. Its been 8 months since we have broken up, and well I feel like its my fault, she told me that my attitude towards her had changed (she was dancing with other men, I was legally depressed and had options to withdraw from school for a year to regain my footing, which I should have done yet my parents convinced me to stay). I will admit I got mad one night when I was with her and well went out and bought another girl a drink so she would dance with me (which I feel so stupid for doing). I also walked out of her house one day because I couldn't deal with my parents barking at me for dating this girl and her again dancing with other men. I was happy at first that we broke up, but now, I just ... miss her ... miss what we had ... miss her goofy attitude ... miss her smile and the little sayings she had. I wish I had acted differently in those situations and that I could have just been myself. Right now I am at the end of my rope, I work out 2-3 times a week, I play 2 sports and spend most of my time studying or with my friends. I just don't know how to let go of this pain, to at least be able to ignore it for now so at least me and her could be friends. What can I do, what should I do?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Well in order to let go, you have to let go of the things that you are unable to change. Let go of her and the person you were when you were with her. We all have issues and make mistakes, we are not all proud of them either. But that is the best part about moving forward.

    I personally think that you need to stop worrying about your ex, she might want to spend time with you but realize that it makes you feel worse (studies show that people usually feel worse after contacting an ex). Yes, I understand that you are keeping yourself busy but you need to clear some mental space while doing that. It just sounds like you are keeping busy only to get your mind off of her, temporarily. You can't let go of her until you let yourself. Please trust me on this.

    This stuff takes time and although you say that you have "tried", try harder when focusing on yourself. You feel stupid about buying a girl a drink but you don't feel stupid hanging on to a girl that was dancing with other men while you were in depression mode? You are giving this girl to much credit.

    Again, I know you said you go out and play sports but I want you to try being a lone with your thoughts and try to make yourself feel sad. Think of all the ways she is not right for you and cry if you have to. Then go to the mirror take a good look at yourself and tell yourself that you don't ever want to feel this way again. Then turn it all around. Remember you can only achieve your goal when you start reaching for them. Your goal now is to get yourself feeling better. You want her back? Well look at it this way. Play her back by being successful. Put yourself first, and be the man that you think she wants to marry (I don't care if she once said, she'd marry you in the past. Her actions don't back it up). You will always lose money chasing after girls but you will never lose girls chasing money. Who knows in your journey to inprove yourself, you might meet someone special along the way. You won't know what you are capable of until you try. Just make sure you keep picking yourself up, if you fall (it happens).

    In order for others to see that you are special and take a chance on you, you have to believe that you are well worth it.

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  • Listen buddy there's no real answer for this one. I've screwed up a relationship on an astronomical level before and to make it worse she was my first real love. I went through the same exact situation man, months and months post-breakup trying to make a friendship work. For me, and it sounds for you too, sometimes it's just too painful.

    My advice? Do what I did ... it's not easy. I told my ex I also wanted to remain friends, but it was too hard for me because of how I still felt about her. I wanted her to understand I wasn't mad at her I just couldn't be around her as only a friend after being so intimate and after hurting her with the way I acted. I'm sorry man there's nothing that will really help the pain ... only a LOT of time did the trick for me... I've eventually moved on but it took me a long time ... a new girlfriend might help but only when you're ready. Cutting things off with this girl might be hard, but sometimes it's for the better.

    Never burn your bridges.

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  • Start seeing other girls, or drink beer, take your pick

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