Why does a guy want to change after you've already told him your done?

I need to know why is my ex begging me to stay and says he will change? Is it just a manipulating tactic to get me back and then once he is comfortable again is it right back to the old REAL him? I love him with all my heart, but he has major trust issues and I can't keep defending myself...enough is enough...now he says he will do anything to prove to me he can change...I don't know what to believe...


Most Helpful Guy

  • So many of these kinds of questions make sense when you simply realize people have multiple parts of their personality. Kind of like the part that wants the cake vs. the part that wants to lose weight. They fight inside us.

    So part of him mistrusts you and wants to be apart and other parts want you badly. At any time they can be at any different state of which one is winning. You see him changing all the time and are confused because it seems contradictory but this happens to all of us.

    You understand he has trust issues. This kind of thing is very common in people with trust issues. Check out the piece on Attachment Issues on our blog if you want to read more about that. It sounds pretty relevant to this situation.


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What Guys Said 2

  • Well he does love you because he is begging you for forgiveness. You wil the value of what you have when you loose that person. Are you giving him any reason to mistrust you? If you love him don't give him any reason to mistrust him and communicate him about that issue. Don't ruin your relationship good luck.

    • I have never given him any reason to mistrust me...the trust issues come from his last relationship. we have been together for 6 yrs. I have beyond proven myself to him...I can't see it ever changing..but what I don't get is How come when I was telling him that he is pushing me away he didn't do anything to change then...and now that I have 1 foot out the door and the other right behind...he is willing to change...??

  • People don't change, if he's post transitional that's what he will be like .. accept it or move on


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