It's been 5 years, when do I just let go?

5 years ago, I got involved with my first love. I am still not sure if it's just that you never forget your first love, or I still have feelings.

I do believe it is impossible to have feelings for someone who has passed away. Yes, lovelies he died on December 15 20**. (I feel the need not to say the date). I have dated other guys since then, but I always go to my one friend who knew him as well and say 'Would James even approve?' I feel guilty when I say it, and in the past it has ruined a few of my relationships. I'm still sad, and I do miss him. But I've had people, boys especially tell me 'Its just freaking time to move on already, Ash.'

Call me old fashioned, but I can't. I'll try but somehow, I always find something that resembles him in the next day or so. It's ridiculous to feel something.

I feel like it will continue to ruin my relationships, if I don't forget him.

Thanks. <3

Updates:
I appreciate your guys' words, and I do take them seriously. (:

Thank you very much.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • You know, I'm very sorry to hear about that happening to you. It's something I've never experienced, and I doubt that I will ever experience it. Although (not to diminish or dissolve what feelings you have to him) do you remember when Kurt Cobain died? Record sales for Nirvana blasted through the charts.

    There's a reason for that.

    Without closure, death can immortalize people in our hearts. Whether this is natural, or just imposed feelings that we're taught to think, the feeling still holds true.

    He died at the epitome of your relationship, and therefore sets in stone that he would ALWAYS retain that glorious image. Like I said before, I have no way to compare to this and I can't comprehend how that feels. You have to let go, though. Dwelling on the past will solve nothing for your future. I'm not saying forget him, remember all the good times, but don't let those that have passed determine how you live your life.

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What Girls Said 1

  • Im sorry to hear about your loss. I can't imagine what that must feel like. I know it has to be hard. I know if I was in that situation, I would probably think we would have lasted forever, because often when people pass away or go away, we tend to remember all the good things...NOT SAYING THINGS WERE BAD! I'm just saying I'm sure you are full of questions of what the future would have held, I know I would be. I can't tell you what to do, but I'm sure he would have wanted you to be happy. You don't have to forget him at all! In fact you can't keep his memory alive always! Keep him in your heart girly. Just think of him as being your guardian angel, and be strong when it comes time to start another relationship. When you get scared, talk to him, tell him to help you out, just because he's not here physically doesn't mean he isn't spiritually. I wish you the best of luck and hope you can gather the strength to move forward. Just remember he would want you to be happy...Best Wishes.

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