How do I get over feeling guilty that my ex is sad over our breakup?

I broke up with my kids father because he was verbally abusive and never changed, he even pushed me out of anger 4 times but this last time he really hurt me. He always claim he would change but never did. I feel so guilty & bad because he keeps crying sending me million of texts that he’s going to try to become a better man. I feel bad because he is really heartbroken & said he never did anything intentionally it was a mistake he regrets I don't know what to do. I forsure want to end things this time because I know it’s not going to be different.


0|0
923

Most Helpful Guy

  • Just keep in mind all the shit he has put you through during your relationship and how he brought this on himself and hopefully that relieves some guilt you feel. If you make the same mistakes over and over it becomes intentional you did the right thing. Just stay strong. He will keep texting and crying to try to guilt his way back into your arms.

    1|1
    0|0
    THIS IS NOT RELEVANT ANYMORE

Most Helpful Girl

  • Just know you're breaking that constant cycle he's been giving you. He'll never change and you've given him multiple chances. Remember you deserve someone way better and there's people out there who will treat you nicer. It's not your fault he's in this situation, he only wants you to feel sorry for him so he can have you back

    2|2
    0|0
    THIS IS NOT RELEVANT ANYMORE

Recommended Questions

Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 22

  • He's a big boy now, he'll figure it out. Either way it's not your problem anymore. Just remember that he wants you to feel guilty and regret breaking up so you'll go back to him and things go back to the way they were.

    You have him plenty of chances, he didn't get better. Now it's time to suck it up and live with the consequences.

    1|0
    0|1
  • Remember that... that things will never be different. Look at it as it's "his issue", not yours. Yes he's hurting, but tell yourself "this is for the best", for him also, not just you. He'll heal and be ok in time. Look after yourself and focus less on him. Depending how much he's texting you, you might have to tell him to stop texting you, and/or maybe have to block him. But don't just block him, tell him so first lol

    1|0
    0|1
  • Don't look backwards. Make a real change in your life. Change your email address and phone number. Go into the future with your kids. Make them happy and you'll become happy as well. And after some time unexpectedly you'll meet a nice guy. Believe in yourself.

    1|0
    0|0
  • Jesus Christ you have kids? I guess its probably better to have no father vs an abusive one. But having kids changes everything here and should be more the focal point for both of you.

    0|0
    0|0
    • He wasn’t always like this. He isn’t abusive to my kids but to me.

  • I'm going though a divorce right now and you'll always feel bad, but it's not about you now it's about the kids. She wants to come back, but much like your ex she has issues she's unwilling to change which hurt everyone around her.

    Don't feel bad or guilty you made a decision when the choices were bad or worse. It was hard but it'll be better for everyone involved in the long run. Look into co-parenting and make sure he's following through on counseling so you can keep him in your kids lives.

    Maybe in the future things will be more cordial between you. Maybe you'll find someone new maybe you won't. Maybe you'll get back together maybe you won't.

    For now just keep your kids as the priority and move forward.

    1|0
    0|0
  • You chose right. But the kids will not have a father. Well, at least they won't have a shit father. Find someone better.

    1|0
    0|0
  • Look mamas dont feel bad if this guy is being abusive then yojr in a toxic relationship you finally had it of course the other peron in this relationship is gonna try to male you feel bad but dont

    1|0
    0|0
  • It depends on you 100%. If still have some love for him deep inside you after all that than give it a shot.

    ((If he only try so hard to chang))

    But please don't let this breakup affect the kids 🌺

    1|0
    0|1
  • Don't go back, studied say that people who are abusive get worse after the first break up. Have you noticed that or is this your first break up with him?

    1|0
    0|0
  • Hold strong. If he is serious about changing he will change without you being there. He should want to change for the kids sake. Not for the relationship.

    0|0
    0|0
  • He's trying to get back with you by making you fell guilty, tell him you know what he's doing and dont contact him after that

    1|0
    0|1
  • I'll be honest. Given what he's done, I wouldn't give a crap about how he feels. Think about if that behaviour was done to your kids.

    1|0
    0|0
  • Don't feel bad you did the right thing and the reason why I'm telling you this is that's how it always starts something small like pushing and shoving and then they become more abusive physically he's already verbally abusive so you got out at a good time when things are not out of your control don't go back because if you do you're sitting the presidents that he can be abusive to you verbally and physically and you're going to stay with him so don't second-guess your decision always go with your first mind the first mine won't steer you wrong.

    1|0
    0|0
  • Do not get back with someone who is abusive. He might feel heartbroken right now but he just misses owning you. There are girls and guys like this, who have a twisted idea of what relationships should be like. If he really loved you he wouldn't emotionally black mail you. I was in a relationship like this once and I had to condition myself to completely shut off when someone tries to use their emotions to make me do something and its fucked me up. Dont get to that stage. Block his number and dont reply, if he does, get someone to make him back off.

    1|0
    0|0
  • One thing you need to do is reinforce the thought to yourseld that this was a necessary thing pure and simple. Guys will say what they have to say to keep the things they want, unfortunately a lot of the times they don't back it up with their actions. Its a good thing that you saw this and got out while you could. Another thing, and this is a big thing, is you have children. Children should NOT to be in an abusive environment. As a mother it is your obligation to protect them. Don't feel guilty for protecting yourself and your children. In saying that, it is normal to feel the way you do, but this is not an emotional decision, it's a rational one. You gotta trust your gut, it will never lie to you.

    1|0
    0|0
  • Give him a chance and if he can't change don't feel bad he's not worth it

    1|1
    0|0
  • You can give him a chance by taking things slow maybe before giving up on him

    1|1
    2|0
  • What you are feeling, that guilt, is normal. But what ever you do, never go back to a relationship with him. Something in your relationship with him was toxic. No one is to blame, especially not yourself, and if he was physically damaging to you he has himself to blame. No one, including yourself, deserve to be treated that way. Going back to that relationship is going back to worse violence than you already been through. You could be placing yourself in danger.

    Even though he sounds like he has learnt his lesson, the answer is he hasn't. It takes a lot of time to correct ones antisocial behaviours. It's not an easy process.

    In your shoes, I would consider approaching a lawyer, or the police, and asking if you can get a restraining order. I would also recommend changing your number, and not giving it to him.

    You need time to heal from your abuse. So take steps and support to heal yourself. In time you will see how in that relationship he was controlling you, not loving you.

    1|0
    0|0
  • He isn't a man , he is just a piece of trash , don't talk to him again

    1|0
    0|0
  • This is emotional manipulation. That doesn't mean it's spiteful, but it is manipulative. Why didn't he change after the first time he pushed you? That would have been a good time, if he were serious. He may even believe he's serious about changing. But, if he hasn't taken actual steps towards changing yet then there's no reason to hope.
    In short, instead of feeling guilty, you could feel angry that he's trying to manipulate you. You could feel pity that he's an emotional child and never grew up.
    You should first protect your child from him before worrying about feeling guilty. Your job is to your child. That's number one. Your guilt over a non-issue is a luxury that you may not have time for.

    1|0
    0|0
  • More from Guys
    2

What Girls Said 8

  • Don't feel bad girl, just don't. I'm in the same exact position you're in. Cause if you give in to him he's going to do it again and you know he is. Just think about a time that he hurt you the most and remember how it made you feel. Just remember, I did that and I'm happy living my life single. I mean I'm member on here now and it feels awesome. Did he feel bad being mean to you? No he didn't.

    1|0
    0|0
  • You have to remember that abusive men are highly manipulative. If he loved you as much as he stated he would have never put his hands on you. Love isn't something we give and take because we are frustrated and angry.
    And of course "it was a mistake and he feels bad" because never in his mind did he think you'd ever leave and he would be all alone. If he didn't want to be alone, then he should have cherished you during the time you were there and you wouldn't be gone.
    I'm sorry your circumstances are difficult. Contact a local Domestic Violence agency and they can assist you. Best of luck!

    1|1
    0|0
  • Do not feel bad. You did the right thing. Lose contact with him now until he figures himself out. Once he does then maybe you can speak again. But right now focus on you and your child/children.

    1|1
    0|0
  • You move on with your life.. He's sad because he can't control you and abuse you anymore.. He'll get over it and you'll be much better off

    1|1
    0|0
  • love yourself and your kids.. he was abusive so he should be the one who's feeling guilty not u... focus on your kids not on your ex.

    1|0
    0|0
  • He should be in jail

    1|0
    0|1
  • You did the right choice sweetie don't worry. Don't spend the rest of your life with a toxic person.

    1|0
    0|1
  • you said you uave kids. If you don't want him, don't bring him. My father is verbally abusive towards my mother and so much indiference about her health. I, as a child, suffer in depression for this issue. Don't make a bad home.

    1|0
    0|0

Recommended myTakes

Loading...