If I'm persistent, do I have a chance?

So I told this girl that I liked her after about 2 or 3 months of "hanging out/dating" and she told me she didn't want to ruin our great friendship. Sadly, I decided to text her this because I had a momentary lapse of confidence and the friendship thing above is what she texted back.

My first question: Not wanting to ruin the friendship, is that a real reason or simply a rejection? Is there any way to know?

After about 2 months of us not seeing each other(right after I told her) I decided to call her up to go to a fair that was in town and she agreed, only I had to cancel do to personal complications with my family. She told me she understood and that she wishes me the best. After that, we had not texted or facebooked each other in about 2 weeks. Then, randomly, she decided to text me "hey" and said she was "just checking up on me" Another week later, she texted me asking about my complication and I told her everything was fine, but that wasn't enough. She asked about the location of my complication because she wanted to visit(sorry for the vagueness,). So told her she could come along if she wanted to because I was going to visit as well. Then tells me that she is doing something at the moment and the next time I went, tell her so she could come too. I told her that's fine and we didn't talk again for YET ANOTHER WEEK. This time, I invited her out to dinner/movie and she said "sure we can". That is happening this coming weekend.

My second question is: After all that has happened over the past 3-4 months (stuff above), if I am subtle persistent and patient, is it possible to win her over?

I am in love with this girl and I do not want to give up without a fight. That said, I'm also not going to treat this like an exclusive relationship. I've been out about looking for someone else. I will wait for her, but I won't stop dating people.

Girls: Has persistence(casually, not like calling 100x times a day) won you over before? Have you rejected a guy, only to have him continue to be a good friend and has that ever gotten you before? Because to me, being persistence shows that she's just not another girl.

Finally, my title question: If I'm persistent with her(again not stalkerish, just being a friend) do I have a chance?


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Most Helpful Girl

  • you're first question...i've told a guy that I didn't want to go beyond friendship before...for the very reason that I don't want to lose him as a friend. so she could be legit. But at the same time, there really is no way of knowing unless you see how things go.

    for your second question, I think you may be able to win her over, but that's a given. Anything is possible. I think from what you've said she really does want to be friends, because she's still keeping in contact and she's concerned about you.

    You sure you're in love with her? anyways, its good that you are still keeping your options open, and if you are just being casually persistent, showing her that the interest is still there...but not verging annoyance/clingy...then she might see the light.

    as I'm typing this I feel like my opinion is swaying towards her just wanting to be friends. because if a girl likes a guy she'll go for him in an instant. however, from my experience ...relationships like that don't really last. friends to boyfriend, when it takes time, the relationship lasts longer.

    that being said... persistence has never won me over lol. I tend to go for guys who don't give me the time of day. and when a guy actually likes me I push them away.

    dont know if I helped at all.

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    • To answer your question, yes I am sure I am in love with her. I have been for years, but if she's not going to return, why do I wait around. It hurts like hell to try and find someone else even if your still in love with someone else. That is why I'm not giving up on her, but I'm not waiting on her. She was a friend first because I didn't even like her until graduation came around. I fell really hard for her, and decided against telling her. After grad, I lost contact with her for 2 years. Pain :(

    • Thats why I am doing the casual persistance route, because we are still friends. She's still willing to hang with me, and while it will hurt, I know that I can handle it. I'm a very patient person, and I'm completely aware that I may never get her, but I at least I won't lose her as a friend. Mind you, we've already been out a ton over the course of two months, before I confessed to her, and we just starting to chill again, 2 months after it. I will be calm and still be a friend.

Have an opinion?

What Girls Said 6

  • YES, be persistent but only if you feel that she has feelings there. She's probably unsure for whatever reason (maybe she doesn't feel a physical connection, maybe she has another guy in her life, etc). Since she does keep reaching out to you, even in a casual way, she probably does have some feelings for you but is just unsure. Like you, she may have momentary times of lonliness or insecurity, so she reaches out to you because there's a comfort level there and she knows she can count on you to fill some void in her. This is where you can possibly win her over. My advice is to be persistent but not pushy, and try to open up and tell her your feelings as often as you can. Of course, don't be sappy about it. You still want to be masculine and assertive. Court her. Be the one to call her (don't just text and Facebook), take her out and treat her, open doors for her, etc. I'm not sure if you were doing these things already, but if not then you may have been put in the friend zone because of it. Maybe you weren't making her feel like a lady.

    All of that being said, if you do those things and she doesn't reciprocate and is still wishy washy with you, then you should move on. Tell her that you really wanted to make things work with her but that you aren't going to wait around forever and that you want to find someone who truly appreciates all of your efforts. Then, go and do just that. Good luck!

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  • No way has persistence won me over. I would not be able to stand it if I kept saying no and the guy kept coming back. it's more a sign of weakness than anything. You need to stop being persistently slow and be more spontaneously fast. Get your feelings out in the open and figure out if you're in the friend zone or boyfriend material. Dragging it out any longer will not give you a clear answer and may wither away any possible feelings she has for you.

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  • yea and umm I'm sry to tell you not wanting to ruin a friendship is the oldish rejection trick in the book. But it sounds like she kinda regreats it so slowly ease back into it and WHAT EVER YOU DO DONT SAY UR FEELINGS FIRST AND DONT GET ALL WIERD AS WE CALL IT STAY THE SAME OLD YOU

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  • i think umight but it kinda sounds like she justwant to be friends...hope the ''date'' goes well...and hope your family is doing well

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  • hm. good question.

    well I have had my own personal persistent kid (exactly the way you play it)

    and the only psychological tactic that you would be playing in this case is the fact that once she keeps getting rejected or even accepted:

    you'll be the only constant.

    if you're playing this card, make sure you really do stay constant.

    (no weirdo moves, be a guy friend)

    and then you miiiiiiight just get with her.

    *warning* whatever you do, do NOT I repeat DO NOT

    a) tell her how you feel. (you'll freak the sh*t out of her.)

    b) get sexual with her.

    p.s from the looks of it,

    i think this is the only card you can play considering she's doing everything that I normally do when I'm dis-interested and when I'm in the process of distancing.

    p.p.s when she 'randomly' texts you, it's because she generally likes you as a person, as a friend.

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    • But if she got with him just because she got ejected, shed only be with him because she's desperate, accepting his advance because no one else likes her is unhealthy for him& her, people shouldn't have to be in a relationship- they should be in it because they like the person, not just because they want someone, sounds depressing,

  • she jus wants to put you on hook ;P

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    • That has often crossed my mind, but honestly, even before I told her anything, she'd chill whenever I wanted to, any place, any location. My family loves her and so do I. But you are right, there is no real way of knowing. I just wouldn't think she would do that, I mean we've been friends for 2-3 years now...

    • But now the question is if we want her to take her own friends along or not. There’s no right answer for that, it depends on what she and her friends are like. If her friends are what people would define as “cool” we want indeed her to take them along. This might be a hard move, but girls hate when a guy they’re teasing gets along with her own friends, so becoming friends with them is a killer. The more they get annoyed because of this, the better.

What Guys Said 5

  • When a girl says "she doesn't want to ruin a friendship" she is politely saying no. It's one of the most common, if not the most common, rejection a girl will give out. Unless the girl cuts you out of her life completely you've always got a chance. Don't ever forget that. The best way to go about it is just to treat her like a friend.

    Going to the movies, that's fine, but dinner and the movies I feel might be a bit excessive. That should be more of a group gathering. Don't feel like you need to only do things with her one on one. Accept her as a friend in your life, date other girls, and you might just grow on her. If you try to forcibly change her mind it won't have desired effect.

    That's my opinion anyway.

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  • i wanted to post various comments but it didn't let me, so I'll answer here about the putting you on the hook comment.

    "she might wanna do that but, again, if he plays his cards well he could use her own actions to get her. what I basically mean is that he needs to create sexual tension between them. there are different ways to do that but the easiest is to look self-confident and calm around her, but by doing only that he might attract just random girls, so he needs something else. he can't use classic player techniques either since most of them engage only random girls. so as long as there’s no sexual tension between them his BEST move would be to ask her out with his friends. so as I said before, instead of saying something like "would you like to..." he should say something like "me and my friends are doing this, wanna come?". by doing this he’d look like he doesn’t need her. he’s got his friends and his life, so she’d only be a guest along the ride instead of the center of his universe. being social is a MUST, there's no way around that. But now the question is if we want her to take her own friends along or not. There’s no right answer for that, it depends on what she and her friends are like. If her friends are what people would define as “cool” we want indeed her to take them along. This might be a hard move, but girls hate when a guy they’re teasing gets along with her own friends, so becoming friends with them is a killer. The more they get annoyed because of this, the better."

    i know it's in third person but I didn't want to write it again.

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  • I don't mean to be harsh but acting like that you look a bit needy & insecure to me.

    the first you should understand is that it doesn't matter how often you text a girl, the only thing you need to learn is to say the right words every time. Unfortunately, since every girl is different there's no recipe for that, only a few tips. tip 1: be cocky, in a funny way of course. This works, but be careful not to sound as an arrogant asshole. tip 2: this is a MUST. you HAVE to sound self-confident. for example, instead of the usual "would you like to do/go whatever/wherever whenever?" question, say something like "I'm doing this/I'm going there, wanna come?". The first one sounds very nice and polite, unfortunately it's a real turn off. You have to make yourself sound appealing to girls, otherwise you're wasting your time. Also, polite means predictable, therefore it means BORING. Girls like the unexpected, the excitement of the unknown. So whatever you do, don't sound/look predictable. To prove this I'll give you a real example. not long ago a buddy introduced me to a friend of his. cute girl, tall, blue eyes but damn boring. I let her drive the conversation for the first 5 minutes, but she was also damn predictable. As I suspected she took the subject to the "what do you do?" question. My only answer was "I'm a p*rn star". she wasn't expecting anything like that. As soon as I said that the atmosphere changed completely. She knew I was joking and kept asking about personal stuff but the only thing I did was to tease her. Of course as the days passed I told her the truth, then she actually admitted that I had got her on the first night.

    So of course you have a chance, but obviously you need to play your cards well. Next time you guys go out take her somewhere different, do something different, surprise her. That's all you need. And remember, she going out with you doesn't mean she wants to marry you right away, so play it cool and look self-confident and relaxed.

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    • I understand. Thank you.

  • Women don't want to hurt men's feelings so they lie & say the reason they don't want us is because they don't want to ruin "the friendship." What she is really saying is that she doesn't like you like that. She has only friendly feelings, she is not attracted to you, sorry. Women try to sugar code things, you have to remember that when they tell you things. They don't want to sound like a b*tch & they don't like hurting someone's feelings. They don't understand the best thing they could do is tell the truth so a guy knows for sure there is no hope.

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    • If I tell a guy I don't want to RUIN a friendship that's what I mean. If I don't 'like' ill say that I ONLY like him as a friend. I may want to go slowly or be friends first but If you like someone that much & are attracted to them then that's a perfect reason to be with them & not wanting to ruin a friendship is bullsh*t, you SHOULD be friends,

      Anyways she may not want to be with anyone, sometimes people just want to work or w/e no boyfriend or girlfriend. Be consistent for when/if she wants to start dating:)

    • She's either lying or in denial. Trust me, I know what I'm talking about, don't let anyone tell you differently.

  • Dude, I don't think she's interested at all. Your better to leave her alone and look for someone new...

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