How can I get over him and move on when I had nothing else but him?

I have tried to get over him many many times, somehow we manage to get back together over and over... We broke up so many times and it always seems like a last time and final... yet we get back together after a few days.

Its a long distance relationship and we haven't seen each other for a long looong time so its really really hard but we keep on trying... which really gives me hope and says that its meant to be and worth fighting for...

Am absolutely in love with him, I don't know how he feels about me really since he says something one day and says quite the opposite when we re fighting and angry... a bit bipolar!

Yesterday I tried apologizing for the 100's time for a huge mistake I did, he explained that Its done for him... then he texts me "Good bye" when I said that he never cared or ever will... which broke my heart and ripped it out...

I understand his reasons for the break up which what always seems to be the problem The Distance... As I said we always get back together for some reason, so if he did come back this time then its great and what happened was a test for us and we will try to work things out again till we find a solution for this...

If not then how can I move on and get over him?

Specially that I just recently lost my job, I can't go anywhere or go out, nor I have friends to keep my occupied or guys to date where am currently living and I haven't decided what my next step is yet "career wise" its a huge decision to make and can't happen over night... so its a bit hard for me to just simply move on... Everything around me reminds me of him and feels like am hitting rock bottom...

Updates:
Isnt there a way to have signs like in cartoons to know which direction I should take and which door to open! Surprisingly everything got messed up at once and it seems like a big sign that it has to change, but what should I do next?
Got the sweetest answers from all of you guys. I really appreciate the support and I am trying to work on my life to make it better and I hope that some door will open for me.. optimistic and ready for the challenge! Thanks for the answers
I did move 2 weeks after this post... Got a good job two weeks later.. All friends are around and its great so far..As for him well.. we re not together... Yet not- not together.. Ahhh I don't know...? We'll get through.. we'll see how it goes?

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Most Helpful Guy

  • You need to find that inner strength. Remember, you had a life before him. You will have a life after him. The strength to let the past in the past and move on is the key here. And please don't keep getting back together with him...that's going to do you no good. Find a good man or discover yourself moving forward and things will fall into place.

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Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 9

  • My heart really goes out to you. Everything seems like a mess right now, but you'll have to try to get your life back in order. I don't mean to sound like a d***, but the other life problems you're currently experiencing will serve as a great "distraction" from the break-up. You can focus on getting a new job and settling down with what you have. If you have things of his in your home, get rid of them so you don't have thoughts about him. From there on, work on other things you can do to improve yourself, like hanging out with friends more often once you get a job. You can then move onto dating afterward.

    Right now, it's all about you. Fix the things you can right now and the situation will gradually improve. Also, I advise against getting back together with that guy. What kind of idiot repeatedly breaks a girl's heart? Fuck him.

    Best of luck!

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    • I wouldn't be able to date anyone here and I have no friends here whatsoever very hard to make friends... I can't fit in nor settle down in this place and am considering moving somewhere else and finding another job or do something, since I've wasted 3 years here with no success no steady job or anything really... So its harder to move on when I don't even know what my next step should be =(

    • Sit down and think hard about it first. If your current location really is a drag, perhaps moving would be best. It'll provide a new environment, new pool of people, and will leave behind any mental baggage of your current town behind. Make a list of things you need to do and take it one step at a time. It will overwhelm you if you let it, but you'll have to control your emotions through these tough times. Easier said than done, but it's what you'll need to do to get past this!

    • Thank you a lot =)

  • Well, if you like the sound of the rest of your life being a tumultuous roller-coaster ride, then I say get back together with him.

    There are a few different possibilities here. Maybe he and/or you are not emotionally mature enough to handle a serious relationship. A lot of adults think they are so "mature", yet they act like little freakin' kids with the way they handle relationship problems and whatnot. If it's a long-distance relationship, which I think you hinted at... there certainly aren't many couples able to faithfully and maturely handle long-distance relationships. There really aren't enough details about your relationship for an honest answer from an outside perspective.

    As far as moving on is concerned...meet someone else. It's not rocket science. He's not just going to magically pop out of your mind. Find someone who makes your old boyfriend seem like a little bratty kid in comparison, because that's what he sounds like. He may have had good reason for breaking up with you. I don't really know enough of the details. So don't come crying on my shoulder.

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    • Am not crying on your shoulder nor I have begged for your answer.

      I didn't mention what was the problem or how our relation was like because it does not matter at this point when we break up 200 times and my question is about moving on.. and I can't find someone else where am at simply.

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    • Given enough time, you'll grow appreciative of the memories you have made together, but you won't always feel the need to be in those moments again. They will always be there. You won't forget about him. Remembering is a good thing. Desiring to live in the past is desiring for the impossible, and you'll consequently go crawling back to him if you don't acknowledge one thing: There are better things waiting for you ahead.

    • I do hope that better things are awaiting ahead, whether its a better job, career and a good opportunity, a better place to live at and a better guy if there is any! Thanks.

  • i'm not entirely sure if this helps or not, but in clinical studies, tylenol has been shown effective to relieve hardbreak and depression. It worked for me as well. Until you figure out what to do, which many of the answers already posted are far more valuable than anything I can offer you, I hope maybe if you try tylenol it will help the heartbreak and help you to deal with everyday life until you figure out what to do about the long distance relationship.

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  • First off he is a p**** for texting goodbye, he should have at least called you. Get a hobble, exercise, be active, and be around people. Having people around will help you. Time heals all wounds. If you want I will date you until you forget about him.

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    • He did call before and talked. The good bye was just a dramatic scene he had to make....A bit stupid if I must say, specially after all what we had, a good bye seems like a slap on the face.... I do exercise everyday( actually I haven't exercised since last Friday because am depressed) I do try to be around people but I have no friends here at all. My friends are else where and I would do anything to be around my friends now! Thanks for the answer and yes he is a f***in pussy!

  • The base of the problem : The distance. Now, I don't mean the base of why you broke up, but instead the base of why you are going crazy. You are worried about what he is doing. Stop caring. Because he is off a ways away you can't keep tabs on him and that will drive a person insane. He is no longer attatched to you so he is no longer your problem nor your concern. What he does is on him and in no way reflects anything about you any longer. Just remember that you have to be patient about these things. Someone new will come along, I promise. Just have to wait and stop worrying about him. You need a guy you can actually touch anyway. What is the point of a boyfriend you can't see or touch. You might as well be locked up inside your house pretending to have a boyfriend. There is a world out there with tons of guys in it. Good single girls are hard to find, so trust me... once you are able to get out and start talking to people (not going to clubs or bars, but people at gastations, restraunts, grocery store, etc) you will see that there will be a lot of guys attracted to you as long as you are confident, outgoing, and not stuck-up.

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  • I suggest you google "osho on love" and read what the master mystic has to say. That will help you tremendously, guaranteed! Good reading!

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  • You just need to find something else to get your mind off my other friends other find friends on here I know sounds lame but true .

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    • Yeah I know, well am working on it thanks =)

  • thats the problem you think theys nothing else but him, change your mindset,

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    • I said, I had nothing else at this moment but him.. I lost my job, I lost money, I don't have friends here not a single one, am fighting with my family for few reasons and I ve been struggling with jobs for the past year and had no luck whatsoever.. I can't date where am at and can't simply move to another city or country with no job, money or at least a solid plan. He was my only comfort and what mattered the most

  • You are not together with him. Your a little girl playing games in your head. I really hope you lied about your age here because your behavior says you are more like 13. If your really 25-29 and act like 13, that likely means you are either mentally retarded or really emotionally messed up. I suggest you seek some professional help.

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    • Wow. That is the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard.. Having some serious issues, speaking out my mind and asking for an advice to make my life better does not make me mentally retarded nor emotionally messed up. All I needed was some good advice to get better. But, You re the one who's obviously retarded for saying this sh*t, but thanks anyway!

    • The way you carelessly answered this young woman's question for advice merely proves that you have no business being a part of this site. We're all here asking for advice, and to give it, not knock people down mentally and emotionally. The only person who needs professional help is you.

What Girls Said 27

  • WOW...i swear this is like deja vu for me. your story is almost IDENTICAL to mine its a bit scary. EVERYTHING is the same for me except our reasons for breaking up. it wasn't because of the distance, it was because of my insecurites and me not being able to believe him and him not being able to believe that I actually loved him. we too, would break up. and every time I thought it was final and I would cry and cry. but the next day or so we always got back together. this time though, I'm 100% its done. its been about 2 mths so, yeah, pretty final. I'm having an extremely difficult time moving on. I too, do not have a job because I just graduated college. I don't have many friends, and I don't go out much. and I have no other guys to meet. I keep hoping that he's going to change his mind and surprise me by calling me in the middle of the night telling me how stupid he was and how much he loves me. but I doubt that will ever happen. I notice this post was over 2 mths ago so I hope your still around. I'm curious to see if you guys got back together or if you got over him

    i can't even watch certain TV channels or listen to certain songs because it reminds me of my ex. EVERYTHING reminds me of him. its so heartbreaking. how'd you do it?

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  • I hope that what I have to say does not fall on deaf ears. I feel you are. Being highly dramatic and that you have a bit of a defeatest attitude when it comes to life in general. You said that he is all you have yet you have means to get on the internet and post this question, right? So clearly, you have a lot more than you recognize. Count your blessings. I can guarantee you have too many to count. You're complaining that he was all you've had but if you guys keep breaking up, did you ever really have him? You guys have practiced in disfunction for so long that operating within the realm of function, would be virtually impossible between the two of you. But don't blame him. You own 50% of the responsibilty for this relationship being such a mess. I also believe that we attract exactly what we want into our lives and that we control our destiny. If a positive, sustainable relationship is what you're after, try to date positive, sustainable people next time around. Also, try to focus on what you have as opposed to what you don't have and you will find yourself receiving a whole lot more. I hope that what I have said doesn't sound too harsh but I am a firm believer in accepting responsibility for mishaps or "bad luck" in our lives. Everything is within your reach to change it if you really want it. Good luck, doll! Hope this helps.

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    • I do not want to sound dramatic, I may have at the time when I wrote this question I was in a bad phase.. What you don't understand really is that am losing hope in everything and its not about him anymore to be honest, I have so much talent and things aren't exactly helping to get what I want for my life and future. I do not care about relationships as much as I care about achieving my dream!

    • I am not just being negative for no reason, am kind of stuck at this place with no future nor can I achieve my dream, what I want in life ever, just because I have to 'please' my family.. and its costing me too much and now that I have lost him, it feels worse!

      But this week I have cleared my mind and am working on a plan to get what I want and have a better life etc lets just hope it works =) wish me luck

      Thanks for your answer and by the way he calls me doll.. lol kind of cheered me up somehow

  • Honestly, as to your 'how can I get over him if I've never had anyone else' question, breakups are never easy. But EVERYONE gets over it and tries someone new after their first, so you can and will, too. That said, I hate to say this, but just because you keep throwing coals in the fire and trying to make it burn doesn't mean it will. A valiant effort indeed, but if you are breaking up all the time, there's a reason for that, and if that's the pattern, it's going to continue that way. You can only try so much until you accept that all the trying in the world isn't going to help a situation that just isn't going to ever be stable or healthy. When I was younger, I had a similar predicament. To say the least, it was years of trying and getting nowhere. Breaking up and getting back together constantly is in no way a healthy relationship and eventually, the constant pattern is ultimately hurting you both (it already is, whether you know it or not). The more this happens, the smaller each of you gets inside. It's not empowering or a good idea and will slowly chip away at you. All this energy you are putting into something that doesn't work is best left being put into something new with someone you can have something secure with. Life is too short to spend so much of it fighting. I know you care about him, but you are going to have to get real with yourself at some point and be honest with yourself. The only way for you to move on is to put a stop to it, give yourself some down time to heal, and then move forward and find someone who can cherish you the way you deserve in a steady manner. The sooner you deal with this, the better off you will be. Maybe not immediately, but things will definitely turn around for you, if you let it. You are worth more than this, aren't you?

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  • if you are looking for signs , there they are. You really need to stop worrying about this realtionship and find other things that make you feel happy, secure, confident, etc. Try to get involved in the things you like to do and date others. The sign is that it is not working with this one and however hard it may be you need to suck it up and get on with your life. Or you can get depressed and worry about the past and try to find ways to blame yourself. It is not just healty honey. If you make mistakes learn from it and don't feel guilty. We all make mistakes and I am sure your partner does as well. You need someone that can bring out the best in you.

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    • But I can't not blame myself when it was absolutely my fault and its not fixable at the moment. But I have decided to work on my life for now, thanks for the answer =)

  • hey!

    mmm... I am sure that though you can't make friends where you are... at least you have made ones in here =) life doesn't give us all the time what we want.. some time it seems cruel but all these tests make of us the best of who we can be. so let's figure it out:

    1- you can't be with the one you love who has been dumping you over and over.

    2- you are not with your family, away from them, and you don't get along with them anyway!

    3- you lost your job, and financially you are not secure.

    4- you are in a place that you don't like, and which you are going from bad to worse...

    5-your emotional state is not stable and you are not feeling well...

    though how can you feel well living in all this mess?

    however you should know that you are not alone even if you were castoff in an island in the end of the world. you are not alone! maybe you have no friends, no family, and no money, no one to depend on ... but you have God... maybe he wants sth better for you. maybe all the doors that will do you no good should be closed.. so that better ones will open for you soon. and I think it's a good idea to change the place where you are, so that you can begin a new page.

    believe it or not but most of the times good things come from bad situations.

    and don't forget to take care of you ... give credit to yourself, and remember love yourself first and everything falls into line. don't give anyone the chance to hurt you.

    the best of luck dear :)

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    • Thats a sweet advice... Thank you... I hope what you re saying is true about the doors open because I need change.

      However, I do have family here and believe me they are the reason why am am here anyway. Its tough when you have to please your family and step on your heart and lose chances etc etc

      I do have to think about my next step, its a big decision to make and I just hope that my family aren't going to give me a hard time for whatever decision I make and will be supportive.

    • So if you are doing what you are doing for the right reasons, then don't worry .... sooner or later things will get better, just have faith.

    • I hope so, I've been waiting for so long but I still have faith and trying to being positive thanks

  • Do you have a relationship with God? I feel you need to sit still and not think about the guy at all right now. It sounds like your life is trying to fall apart all around you. And that in itself could be a sign. Maybe its time for you to do some real soul searching. Ask yourself why do you love a guy that can't even commit to loving you through the good and bad times. My opinion is that if he's on again off again in the relationship and acting bi-polar with the contrasting things he says to you, then you should thank the Lord for this break up. And let it be what its is and that's over and not necessarily worth trying to salvage. We fight for what we want, doesn't sound like he's fighting for you it sounds like he's running at the sight of opposition.

    You also need to ask yourself what do you really want for yourself job wise? And go after it take it one day at a time don't beat yourself up. Times are hard and jobs are not easy to come by, but I'm a strong believer that everything happens in perfect timing. As long as your doing your part and actually putting yourself out there to find a job.

    You also should get in environments with other people who share your same interest even if you don't have any money. There are always free events that will get you around people who a genuinely your equals and try to build a friendship with these people. We all need in your face relationships to keep us grounded and balanced.

    I pray God can help you move passed this break up. I say you need to leave this along though it sounds toxic. Too much yo-yo-ing with your emotions. Your too precious to sit around waiting for someone to love you. Trust me God has the man created for your souls perfect mate. You'll be fine but you need to move on. Trust me life is moving on and the longer you keep giving your time to dead situations it'll just create bitterness when you look up and see how many years you threw away. Alright I'm done sorry for the book. Feel better sweetie. : )

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    • That was a great advice, am not religious at all... and my relationship with God is the same relationship I have with myself...I am working on HOW TO make my life better now hopefully it will come along wish me luck =) Thanks a lot for this sweet 'put a smile on my face' answer

  • "How can I get over him and find something else when I had nothing but him?"

    You don't have friends? Go make some. There's other girls out there who are breaking up with their boyfriends and getting back together and getting married, or divorced, or who are in your same position. You're not alone, and you're not the only one.

    I understand finding a job might be hard right now, but you can still find one. It's not going to be an awesome job you want to stay with for the rest of your life, but it's something. That's what's important to remember here: Something is better than nothing (as far as your environment limiting you goes.) I'm SURE you have other friends besides your boyfriend on this planet! Your boyfriend and family aren't the only ones who know you exist.

    As for your boyfriend... break up with him and cut off contact altogether. How else are you going to motivate yourself to build a life where YOU live. Why can't you date anyone where you live? I reeeeefuse to believe there's just NO possibility of things looking up WITHOUT your long-distance boyfriend. Refuse. It's easy to focus on someone else 'cause their problems aren't your own and it gives you a reason NOT to focus on what SHOULD be a priority: You. Fix yourself before you try fixing two people + a relationship that probably needs to be cut anyway.

    I probably came off really uncaring and unsympathetic but I've never been through what you're going through before. I'm the type of person who will walk away if a relationship isn't working for me, not matter how much I wish it did or love the person. Why set yourself up for that kind of torture when there could be better opportunities waiting? You're better than that.

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    • Believe it or not, I can NOT make friends nor date anyone here ( I do not live in the states, its different in other places) I had a lame ass job for a month and looked for any job for 6 months with no luck.. had another job before that for while too.. Finances issues big time and there aren't any contracts for security either. I did not say he is my first priority anyway all am saying is that am in a sh*tty situation and don't know how to get out of it and move forward because nothing is helping!

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    • Contanting a friend via sms, email and phone call isn't the same as having a friend close to you to hang out with or something, its a very difficult situation and not easy to make friends when you don't have a job or a root or something.

    • No one said adjusting to your surroundings was going to be easy, it's going to require you to change the way you normally do things which happens when you're living in a different country. Telling us what country you live in would help so we could imagine better what your day to day life is like rather than you saying "No" to all our suggestions.

  • Good for you! Thanks for the update. That special someone that deserves you will pop up when you least expect it...I promise you that. How do I know? It just happened to me. Amazing how much we have in common. I took a chance, and we're clicking! It's really exciting when it happens to you! Stay strong girl, and put all your energies into you, not your ex. You'll be amazed at the positive changes that come from that! =)

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  • Ah, you're not alone girl! I'm still trying to move on after 9 months! Doesn't help me that my ex answers and teases me(like when we were together) when I call. I guess deep down I still hold hope. We feel what we feel, right? And I too, have done everything I'm supposed to, go out, socialize, keep busy, etc. But he's still there, on my mind. I truly believe that if they're meant to be with us, they will in time. Hang in there hun!

    P.S. loverorbestfriend said it perfectly! ;-)

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    • Yeah that's how I really feel and the problem is he always come back even though it feels like he won't everytime... I do feel it is the end now since he said good bye and stuff.... Even if I try to socialize with people that I don't even like for the sake of not thinking of him, I end up feeling worse that these are the times where I need him the most and I think of him more...I do hold big hope that its just a test and he comes back... I do hope we re meant to be... =( I can't lose him!

    • I have gotten some really great advice, and the number one thing I keep hearing is, break all contact and simply disappear ffrom his radar. If he contacts you, that will tell you right there how he really feels. It's when they think they may have lost you to someone else is when they start to wonder if they did do the right thing by leaving you. I haven't contacted my ex in 17 days, that's the most since we've been broken up. It really is one day at a time, especially when you're so used to it.

  • With so many breakups, it was bound for an end. I know you wish and hope that he's the one, but seems like the opposite. To help you get over him, I suggest filling your time with things you love whether that be reading, writing, going out or anything to keep your mind occupied and off of him. Music also helps, but focus on upbeat music not slow sad love songs that will remind you of him, and remember you are strong and have the ability to overcome anything, therefore think of it as a gain and not a loss, this experience will make you stronger as a person. I wish you much luck and believe that soon those feelings will begin to fade a little at a time, just be patient and believe.

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    • I hope so too, don't worry am not into slow love songs at all hehe But what id really what to do is work on my career at the moment. He is just a guy after all... thanks x

  • Never make a man the only thing you have in your life.

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    • Its true when I have nothing else around. Don't worry I will have a lot more soon

  • You don't need a guy to get over him.

    I understand that you can't live without him.

    But you better move on And live without him.You don't need a guy to do that.

    Get friends & chill out & STOP asking questions about him STOP TALKING ABOUT Him.

    Thats what I can only say..

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    • I didn't say I can't live without him ofcourse I can. Having friends here is kind of hard and I will try to stop talking about him and asking questions.. Thanks

    • OK since you can then do it. Now if you want to move on cut all contact and everything.

      It will be hard but I'm sure you can get over him.

      Best of luck and your welcome.

  • The way I see it seems like you're attached to him, you have gotten very used to him, he's always been there bad or good, he's there, and apparently all it's done is hurt you, and make things worse. If he really loves you the way you love him, he wouldn't hurt you the way he s, he would try to make it work, and you know what they say, let him go, and if it's meant to be, he'll come back! And yeah, getting over him will be hard, but time will heal everything!

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    • Thats exactly what I always say exactly how you said it and the problem is he always comes back and I don't know if he will this time!!!! Long distance sucks and I try to move on but nothing ever helps for real..

  • Please know you aren't alone. I've been through a bad breakup recently. Most of my friends were my now exes friends. But they weren't there or me, when we brokeup. You have to try and be postive. Now I'm not in a dead end relationship, with someone who treats me like crap. We can do what we want, when we want now. Think about what person you want to be, what do you want to do for a living? Change your hair, change your clothes. So you feel like a new you

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  • Well hun, you need to give him space to know what he wants.You can't keep torturing yourself I know your pain it hurts bad! But something really good will come out from it.Go to the gym library anywhere just listen to yourself. Sometimes loneliness is good cusw you get to know yourself more.I think his doing you a favor.

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    • Yeah I know... but when you re lonely all the time you would need people around at this point!

  • It will be hard EXTREAMLY HARD, but there's times when you just gott to move on and think about what will be best for you. Trust me I dated this guy for three years and it was complete sh*t. But sit down and just think what can get your mind off him. You deserve better. Noone deserves to be treated like there nothin. Go out with your friends, allow your self to talk to other people and just see if your happier with them or not.

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    • Yeah I know... But he does treat me the best when he is not angry or with an episode! Hmmm thanks for the answer =)

  • I don't know you, but you sound sweet, and that's definitly a difficult period of time in your life, that you need to get through, so I'd be glad if I could help you, somehow. lYou can count with me.

    Message nme if you need anything.

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    • Oh thank you , you sound sweet too hehe well perhaps I will message you.. Am working on how to make my life better at this moment.. Am going after something and I hope I get it " career wise"! Lets just hope that something good will happen for me since all doors closed on me.. There must be some door right ;) hehe

  • wow how did this all end up? I'm just a little curious

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    • Hehe I still got my job, I still haven't seen him since a long time, he still won't forgive me for what happened and just can't get over it lol... We re still ''friends'', he won't let me be though... You know the I don't love you but please don't go... Yeah so am single, just focusing on my career at the moment... But hey if the right guy comes along why not ;) hehehe

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    • It does but he is still here hehehe well yea It heals Some wounds but not all and not entirely... But hey more wounds would come so why heal those in the first place haha

    • haha aw yeah. good luck with everything!

  • I went threw the same thinq you did & all I qot out of it was 2 kids nd problems- so they best advice I can qive you is move on, there's plenty of fish in the sea

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  • You always have Jesus with you...Good luck.

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  • date...date...and date some more :)

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  • find another man

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  • a while ago I was in a very similar situation, I found that the only thing that got me through missing him, was when I met a really great guy and we started going out. I loved him so much that it didn't matter to me that my ex had left.

    to me, it looks like you need someone to focus all of your love on. that may be why you miss him so much. I know you can move on. stay strong!

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  • you don't have nothing girl.

    You always have your God, if you have one.

    Other than that, you have yourself.

    Believe in yourself and you will go far. What do you want in your life? Motivate yourself to be strong, to be a happier person, to be more loving, to have more people skills, and to have more direction.

    How can you do that? I do like self help books. Go to the self help section and read books on how to: etc. there are a ton of books out there, you have to motivate yourself to be the best you can be so you can have the happiest life you can have.

    And I never feel like I have only this one guy. He doesn't really comfort me. If I was sad, or mad, or something bad happened to me I would NOT go to him. He'd just be like "aww you poor thing" he doesn't understand. I would totally just go to God. Why do I need my guy then? I just need him for companionship and someone to hang out with one in a while. You know? I have my family, I have my friends, and I have my God. I also know I have myself. A strong willed women, who CAN get a job, CAN get money saved, CAN get my own apartment and my own car, and CAN make tons of new friends. I have done it before and I know if I really want it to happen again I can do it through God who strengthens me and also through my strong will to make it happen.

    Good luck to you. You know deep down you will be fine, and you CAN move on.

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    • Hehehe I love the CANS! well yeah I know that I need to work on myself and I... I need to believe in myself and have faith. But again I must tell you that am not religious at all... Thanks for your answer it was really sweet and yes I CAN!

  • You have choices you can make. You can continue in your dysfunctional relationship. That is your choice. So far, that is the choice that is winning out.

    You can end it with him, but it will take you accepting the pain that comes with that. There is no way to escape that.

    One choice you do not have is his actions. He will do what he will do and you will simply need to live with that.

    So, as I see it, when we are immobilized and feel we have no way out, it really is a matter of what inflicts the worst pain. You are obviously getting something out of this back and forth situation and until the pain he inflicts on you is worse than the pain of not having him, you will choose to continue whatever it is you two have.

    Oh, and I am not such a romantic. I don't see the fact that the two of you keep "trying" even though you have not seen each other in a long time as some sort of sign that it is meant to be and worth fighting for. I see two people who have a co-dependency on continuing a very dysfunctional relationship, kind of like junkies who keep taking drugs even though it is ruining them. That is not love. That is just messed up. That you absolutely love someone who you say you have no idea how he feels about you and who won't forgive you for this "huge" mistake is sad, not romantic. I hope you can find a way out of this but it is all up to you.

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    • Am asking for help to move on and not help with my relationship with him. It never ruined me, as a matter of a fact he helped me go through this amazingly rough year.. It is not romance that makes you fight for a relationship, its having faith and hope that somehow you will manage to work things out till you re on your feet. If I want and need something in my life I will work hard for it and I don't mind few bumps on the road, that what makes it stronger!

    • Sorry, but you honestly don't sound like you want help moving on. You sound extremely vulnerable to getting back with him. But, as far as moving on, it sucks. I am not going to pretend it doesn't. You are in to this guy. It will be painful and, especially since you are down and out with other issues in your life, not sure what else to tell you. I went through an awful break-up several years ago. I thought I was going to die. I didn't. Just hang in there.

    • I am vulnerable and broken with little hope at this moment, but I will not die of course... It is hard because I've got a lot on my plate, not just with him situation... moving on and forward at the same time making a huge career future decision and figuring out what would be best to do next... I know what I want and need, but I can't get it at this moment due to my finances. Thanks for the answer and I hope this will open some door for me with big hit and break very soon.

  • i really really don't mean this to sound bitchy at all. seriously please don't take it negatively. but I'm so happy that I'm not the only other person in the world with this problem because I feel so pathetic.

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    • I feel the same way, I was just gunna say that this was what I've been thinking for the past week about the guy I'm seeing. I know that it'd be the right thing to move on, but its so hard when you have feelings for the person.

      I feel much better today though, just think about things you need to do. Its been said already, you got through life without him before, so just try again. I'm thinking about taking salsa lessons...lol something to make me excited and preoccupied besides school.good luck.

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    • If I knew that he misses me too I wouldn't be able to move on at all it would be harder and id have more hope!

    • You're gonna miss each other. it's inevitable. he has no heart if he doesn't miss you BUT THAT IS NO REASON TO GO BACK. you need to realize that (even though I'm probably not telling you something that you don't know)

  • Is there anything tying you to where you're currently living? If you have family then I would try to spend more time with them. They can be a good distraction. If not, then maybe where you're living is not the best place. It sounds like you need a new change of scenery. You could move to somewhere where more jobs are available or where the cost of living isn't as bad. In any case, I think you should try to move on from this guy anyway. Even if he does later want to get back together, it's not worth it. The longer you stay or wait around, the worse it gets. Any guy that breaks up with you repeatedly isn't worth it. It's that simple. He shouldn't be hurting you like this. He knows what you're going through and yet, he still did this. I'm not sure the big mistake you made so that would help clear things up, but I don't think you guys would be in this cycle (breaking up so many times due to distance) if it was meant to be. I think it's hard to move on as you remember all the good times, but remember the other half of him. His ability to change his behavior the next day (almost bipolar as you said) isn't a trait you want in a boyfriend/husband. I'm trying to get over someone, too, but I realized that he can be selfish and inconsiderate. I realized that he's not the person I want to end up with, but it hasn't stopped me from missing him. I wish you luck as it's hard, but you can do it. It's okay to miss him, but you deserve better so don't settle on going back to him. Also, I made the mistake of always contacting him after everything happened and he got to just benefit while I continued to hurt. Please try not to make that mistake. Just give him space. You both need it.

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    • =( I will try giving this a try... thank you for the answer

    • Are you a religious person? As a Christian, I would pray about it. It's hard to figure out what to do next, but it's a big step to realize that you need to take a step in a new direction. If I were you, I would focus on the job aspect first. What do you want to do? Does it require school (which will probably require loans so think hard about it)? There are places you can go for free to meet new people. I already mentioned religion so I'll say church is a great place and very welcoming. :)

    • Am not christian and am not religious at all either. My main goal at the moment and always been, is to study 'something' which is my biggest interest and what I was born to do,its what I want more than anything in the world =( but I need ALOOOT of money, I tried scholarships, didn't work and what I want isn't available where am currently staying.. Which sucks because am kind of in a STUCK situation to please my possessive family when my big break could be around the corner or pass by and miss it!

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