Advice and opinions. Is this situation considering cheating? Read on please...

My Ex worked with the guy that she cheated on me with. I noticed a change in her when she started at this place, couldn't quite put my finger on it though. We had been having problems I suppose, I thought normal relationship problems. Anyways we'd been dating for 10 years, and living together for 3. Anyways,one day late at night she gets home at 5am, comes in the room and says she wants to break up. Later before I moved out, I found some emails that her and this guy had exchanged, it was pretty obvious they had a relationship(not sex) that was leading towards our break up. Anyways after I had moved out, I had to go back for some items, when I found some evidence that they had sex the day after I moved out. So I guess my question is would that be considered cheating? if you dump someone to go out with someone else ( like say the day after!)...I would think so. She claims even 11 months later that she didn't do anything wrong. I am not perfect by any means, but she claims that if I asked a million people they would all say its not cheating...so I am asking here what do you all think ? We both dispute many facts of our relationship, but the one thing that is not disputed by either of us, is that she dumped me for him, and that the emails exist because I have hard copies of them. Also that she slept with him a day after I moved out...to me these agreed upon facts to me spell CHEATING...or at the very least some wrong doing on her part. What do you all think?


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Most Helpful Girl

  • As far as sex is concerned, if she truly only had sex with him the day after she broke up with you, it's not technically cheating---she ended things with you before becoming physical with him. I see it as better to break up with someone before you have sex with someone else than to have sex with someone else while you're in a relationship, but her behaviours (and her emails) are still shady and suggest that her break up with you may very well be related to her feelings for him. In that sense, I would say that she was at least emotionally cheating on you (being emotionally/romantically available to him in a way that she probably shouldn't be if she's in a relationship with you).

    I generally follow three rules when it comes to a relationship:

    1. If you wouldn't do it in front of your partner or tell them about it, don't do it.

    2. If you think your partner would be hurt if you did it, don't do it.

    3. If you wouldn't want your partner doing it, don't do it.

    These rules don't just apply to physical acts, but also to how you interact with other people emotionally. If she had to keep the nature of her relationship with this guy secret because she thought that it might hurt you or you wouldn't like it, or if she wouldn't have wanted you to have a similar type of relationship with another girl while you were with her, then I see it as cheating.

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What Girls Said 5

  • It depends on your values & background. Technically it happened after you broke up but question is, how much weight does she put on sex?

    Is she the A type girl:

    Easy to have one night stands? Friends with benefits etc.? Is she able to sleep with someone without bonding on a deeper level first? OR

    Is she the B type girl:

    Old school girl that sees sex as an extension of love? Or something special meant to be shared with a person you have strong feelings for.

    If she is type A above then the likelihood is strong that she did not cheat in any way...

    If she is type B then logically she did, for Type B girls takes a while to bond with someone first before even considering it. The likelihood is strong that she had an emotional affair (at the least)

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  • You are completely right. Don't let what she says make you think different! You know in your gut that you are right. Tell her I'm a chick and I agree with you. I'm quite sure that the night she came home at 5am she was with the guy BEFORE breaking up with you. She sent all these emails BEFORE she broke up with you. That's some bullsh*t lol. You be strong and know that there are real girls out there that won't make that mistake with you. I admire the fact that you even stayed with her that long and have been faithful. There's a girl out there that'll be just as faithful to you as you are to her. She's in denial. She did a horrible thing and what most cheaters do is try and block it out from their mindset. Don't bother having any contact with her cause it's not worth it.

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  • its not cheating if she had sex AFTER you 2 broke up

    but if she was flirting with the guy while you 2 were together, then it is cheating

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  • I would consider it cheating. She was emotionally involved with another person before she ever broke up with you. Yes the physical aspect of it may have happened afterward but she slept with him because of the premise of her existing emotional relationship with him.

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  • This was definitely some wrong doing on her part. I think it is considered cheating, because she was having a relationship with the guy BEFORE you two broke up, so it is considered cheating, but the part where she had sex once you moved out, that's not cheating because you two already broke up.

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    • Thats rough bro... 10 years?! You think you know someone, huh? Keep your head up. break ups happen to the best of us. Its been 11 months, start moving on. She is your past... so get excited and go find your future! Hope all goes well.

What Guys Said 2

  • She cheated, but you know what? You got out. That's what matters. Let the crazy woman do what she wants. You're free and single, and not with a distrusting woman like that. No need to get back at her or look back at the past. It happened, so move on. Don't dwell.

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  • its not cheating if your not together, that's why its called cheating! yeah its messed up but what can you do if she doesn't love you anymore?

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