Ex-boyfriend is trying to keep in touch, but he broke up with me? What is going on?

This guy and I dated for about six months. Everything was going great, no big fights or anything like that. He broke up with me, of course I was terribly sad but I said that I understood and accepted his decision. He asked if we could be friends. I told him I'd talk to him about it later.

A few weeks after he came up and was pretending that nothing happened. I straight away told him that I wasn't ready to be friends and that I 'd contact him when (if) I ever wanted to be. Two months go by and I didn't talk to him and he (and his friends) started texting me to go places or just because. I would politely decline invitations or not say anything at all. Finally I gave in and went to lunch with him because I felt there were things to be said.

I went to lunch and he basically said the exact same thing as when we broke up. Then he asked if we could be friends now and hangout and do things again. I was still in a bit of shock and didn't really respond. After that lunch I have not contacted him at all, but he still contacts me to go places and do things and just because. I'm continuing to ignore it because I honestly don't want to settle for a friendship.

I would just like to know why he insists on doing these things when he was the one who wanted to go our separate ways.

Updates:
So, just a quick what's been going on: he does keep texting me at least once a week, but I still have not been texting him. Week before last he showed up at my work for a 'volunteering' project - which has been open the entire year and he has never done
(c) before. I didn't say anything to him, and he didn't make an effort to say anything to me It has been three months since the breakup, which should be a long time, but considering he has been trying to contact me the week before his appearance was (c)
certainly strange.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • From looking at your previous comments it seems to me that he still wants to be with you. For some reason he is scared to commit. The thinking is by calling you his girlfriend there is a chance that his heart will get broken. By just hooking up and hanging out he can have the best of both worlds. I am going through something very similar to you right now except my ex sent me and angry text because I was ignoring her. It is really up to you how you want to handle it. I ignore my ex and it hurts to do so because I love her but I have to do what is best for me. This is something you have to think about. Either put your foot down and say look if you want to be with me then you have to commit or cut him out of your life. The reason he wants to contact you is because he wants to see if you are around for him meaning that you are still single. Sometimes people want to know they are still loved and him still contacting you he is being selfish.

    If you are planning on getting back into a relationship with this guy remember what went wrong in the first place. Press him on this issue too because the only way it will work is if you admit the problems and try to solve them.

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Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 2

  • Why did he brake up with you in the first place...im curious?

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    • He didn't actually give me a proper reason. To paraphrase he basically said "I'm afraid of screwing this up. I don't want to lose you forever. I love you but I'm confused." I don't think this is the actual reason, but that's the one I've been hearing and as far as his friends tell me (no, I haven't called them they call me - I have done my very best to handle this in a mature fashion) that's the story he's sticking to.

  • Yeah I agree. Sounds like some one is regretting his decision. The question you have to ask yourself is this some one you want to be with? If the answer is yes then when the timing feels right to you contact him but do not bring up the relationship let him do this. Make a casual conversation until he does. Remember he is the one that did the break up not you so he has to earn back your trust. Good luck with your decision I hope it all works out for you.

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    • Thanks for all the answers. I have recently told him that I just couldn't be his friend and that he shouldn't contact me. I figure that if he likes me enough he'll go for it and if he doesn't then I'll cut my losses. I have a feeling he won't do anything though.

What Girls Said 1

  • Why did you break up? Maybe he is regretting his decision?

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    • He didn't actually give me a proper reason. To paraphrase he basically said "I'm afraid of screwing this up. I don't want to lose you forever. I love you but I'm confused." I don't think this is the actual reason, but that's the one I've been hearing and as far as his friends tell me (no, I haven't called them they call me - I have done my very best to handle this in a mature fashion) that's the story he's sticking to.

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