She's never been a particularly affectionate person. Intimacy wasn't a priority for her. I've told her constantly, I needed more. She threatened to leave me or that I'd wasted her life each time she wanted to get pregnant unless we had a kid. Said she'd change and be more available (not just sex). Each time it hasn't happened. She's distant, has no passion, and I feel like a roommate that has been used as a sperm donor.
I've told her all of this. Told her I am tired of feeling like I'm only needed, not wanted. Told her I've fallen out of love with her. I'll always be there for my kids though. She says she loves me but there'd be no way to tell honestly. I told her I wanted a divorce but she's wanting me to "give her a chance." This has happened before and it was different for a couple weeks only, then back to the same indifference, passionless pecks on the cheek, and keeping me at arm's length at all times. I don't want to give her a chance. I feel like I'm done.
I feel like shit though. It's been twelve years with her. I'm utterly miserable and don't think it's going to get better. Considering the time that's been invested, either I call it quits and give my best effort to be happy, or I stay and spend the time I have left feeling unloved because of feeling indebted to her.
What's you guys/gals opinions?
Most Helpful Girl
You want to try. Not that you haven't tried; it's just, you're married. MARRIED. Plus you have kids. You want to try every conceivable solution before throwing in the towel.
I recommend both of you attend marriage counseling, and really do what the doctor says to do. And also I recommend both of you read the book The Five Love Languages.
Also, I only ask because you didn't specify in the details: are you yourself putting in the effort to make her feel special as well?
Good luck. I really hope you can find a way to make it work. 12 years is no joke.
Most Helpful Guy
Man.. On one side I feel a little envy that you were able to go through the birth of 2 children.. Together! On the other, I feel that wanting to get out! I usually say it's cheaper to keep her, but if things are going to end bad for the kids, then roll out. Get a divorce attorney and file for joint custody.