Trying to win ex back while she's on rebound?

I found out a few weeks ago while trying to reconcile things with my ex that she's dating a new guy. Rather than act cool, like I've learned I should've acted, I ended up sort of getting into a fight with her. It got pretty heated, but in the end we acted like nothing had happened. But then I ended the conversation by saying "I'm glad we could talk...I just wanted to let you know how I feel", which made her...well...less than enthused. The last time I spoke to her was the day after, and it was a pretty average, non-hostile, even friendly conversation.

However, the next day I decided to cut off contact with her. It's been a little over 2 weeks now, and neither of us have attempted to contact once another (Aside from her commenting on some updates I made on Facebook, we've had no real contact). I'm taking some time to think things over, about whether or not the relationship's salvageable, but I'm afraid I messed things up by cutting off contact in a conversation where I stressed I was hurt, but not particularly angry.

The thing I've been told is that before cutting off contact, you should agree to the break up, or let the other person know you're on their side. I never explicitly did this, although we were on speaking terms the day after the fight, so I figured things may have been alright.

My original plan was to wait a month for her to get in touch with me - Then if she didn't, I'd get in touch and then see if we could be friends.

So should I keep my contact cut off from her? Or should I step up and make peace with her?

Updates:
I should also note that I just flat-out cut off contact with no warning. I didn't tell her I was doing it - One day we were talking, the next we weren't. Is this wise?

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Most Helpful Guy

  • I feel your story. I am going through a similar situation. I saw my ex with another guy after only 2 weeks of breaking up and I didn't say anything but I made a gesture that was not smart. After that night I cut off contact and she ended up contacting me through an angry message. I ignored her for a couple more days then I saw her so I went up to talk to her. I acted like nothing had happened and let her bring up the relationship. We had a good conversation ended up kissing and she admitted having second thoughts about breaking up. I ended up asking her out...its been two weeks and I have not heard from her other then a casual conversation which she tried to pick a fight with me. Since then we have not talked or seen each other. I take it as she is moving on and so should I.

    My advice to you is the no contact is the best way to do this. Give yourself time as hard as that is. It's okay to feel the pain because your ex was a big part of your life. If she wants you then she will contact you but I wouldn't make the first move until your ready. What I mean by ready is you can carry a conversation without feeling that your heart is in two. If she contacts you do not jump at the first chance keep it short. Let her bring up the relationship it is better that way. It hurts like heck right now I know from experience but every time I see my ex it only leaves more unanswered questions and its like going through the process again. Don't let this happen to you. Figure out what went wrong in the relationship and use that knowledge in your next one.

    Good luck hope it works out for you. Let me know what happens.

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What Girls Said 2

  • If it's a rebound, and in two weeks? haha, it's 100% a rebound. She's just trying to replace you. Unless she was cheating on you with this guy or something, anything that soon means she's trying to get over you by replacing you or she actually doesn't/never did care. But I doubt that your age. Try to talk to her and get back together, but don't push it and be careful. You could just end up pushing her away. :/

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  • Im in same position, we ended last Thursday, I have tried to contact him twice but no reply. I just need closure, so think you need to get in touch!

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    • Do you think this would be rushing things? I've heard the best thing is to just give yourself and the other person space, because usually about a month in the other person begins getting over the negative thoughts about you. I keep getting this underlying fear that she'll still be mad, though, or that she's already forgotten about me.

What Guys Said 2

  • Don't. Never bother getting back with an ex. When it's over, it's over. Trying again will waste time and energy. The trust is always gone and it's never as good.

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  • You dug yourself into a hole by losing your cool..and she's seeing a new guy, but your relationship can be saved, you just can't make any mistakes. I was in a same situation and didn't win my ex back.. you need a game plan.. you can get one here ==> link

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    • Thanks for the link. What I want to know is, should I contact her and make peace, then cut off contact again? Or should I just keep contact cut off, then make peace when one of us does get in touch with one another? I suppose we're still on friendly terms, but I'm afraid losing my cool may have pushed her away forever.

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