Can I get him back? What's my next move?

My boyfriend of 2.5 years broke up with me 2 months ago, I was dumbfounded but now I think I know what happened. We were in a long distance relationship, he'd just started his freshman year away at college and I was a college junior back home. For the first few weeks I gave him a lot of space to get adjusted to freshman life, but after awhile I started trying to talk to him every time I saw him online. The weekend before we broke up I'd been nagging him to call me even though I knew he was trying to make plans with other people. A few days later he sent me a message saying the distance was driving him crazy and he needed a break. He called me several days later (possibly because 2 of our mutual friends had been yelling at him about being a jackass). In that conversation I told him I was willing to take him back, but he said we should see other people. He admitted there was a girl at school he was crushing on, so we agreed to a break. A few days later I sent him a message telling him to go for it if he really liked her cause I wanted him to be happy and they started going out almost immediately. About a week later I made the infamous ex-girlfriend call, I didn't beg him to come back, just re-iterated that while I honestly wanted him to be happy I felt replaced, and I asked him if he really meant it when he said he needed a "break" or was that just a cop-out way of breaking up. He said he meant it about the break when he said it but now he didn't know now cause he was happy with Amy (new girlfriend). The conversation did end on a light note, I was teasing him about how he asked her out and we were both laughing. I kept up the guise of "just being friends" for a few days then decided to drop off his radar. No NC message but just stopped initiating contact, then I noticed he started commenting on my fb profile more. But I didn't respond unless it was a direct question. For about the last week we have been having this conversation:

Me:

Hey, I just wanted to let you know you were right about needing a break. I do think it's the best thing for both of us right now. In fact, something really great happened tonight, maybe I'll tell you about it sometime.

Him:

^_^?

What is it?

Pst. So you were on today. What happened? Huh? What is it? I want to know.

Me:

I'm not ready to talk about it. Maybe sometime I'll tell you, but not right now.

Him:

. . . . so you mention it, but don't want to talk about it? Cruel.

So I realize four days later that my comment could come off badly. When you're comfortable talking, I'm here. ^_^

Me:

Thanks, I appreciate it.

But you're right, I shouldn't have mentioned it when I wasn't ready to talk. I'm sorry.

Him:

S'okay. How's life the universe and everything?

He's still with Amy, but he's coming home for Thanksgiving today, I know I'll see him with friends before he goes back and then I'll "be the girl he fell in love with." But how do I continue this conversation without falling into the friends trap?


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What Guys Said 1

  • The reason why he said he wanted a "break" and not to "breakup" initially was so that if his attempt to ask Amy out failed he could still come back to you and things could resume like before. Classic case of not wanting to be alone and jumping from relationship to relationship.

    The only way you will get him back is when his relationship ends with Amy he may, temporarily, attempt to reconcile with you just so he has someone in his life. Does that mean you two will end up living happily ever after? Doubtful.

    Why did he suddenly start talking to you more when you stopped talking to him? He likes having you in his life for the attention you give him and doesn't want to lose the "control" he thinks he has over you with you still being in love with him. Don't believe for a second that he would choose talking with you over hanging out with Amy, you're the time-filler when she's not around.

    I suppose what I'm getting at is if you're clinging onto hope that things can go back to how they were you're in for a rude awakening. He's already made his choice and it wasn't you. I think you need to move on with your life and start getting to know guys at your school. Don't waste time talking to him online when you can be living your life.

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    • You don't think there's a chance that Amy's just a rebound?

    • A rebound is someone you meet after the relationship is over and that you use to compensate to fill the void. I can guarantee you he was "friends" / "getting to know" her before your relationship ended.

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