Why can't I move on?

OK so I split with my girlfriend two months ago and it was probably the most heartbroken I've ever been.

I've been a mess but thought I had turned a corner. I've accepted that its over and that we will not get back together so have moved on in one sense. My problem is that I just can't look at any other girl and feel anything sort of attraction to them. I seem incapable of not comparing them to my ex and this immediately puts me off them.

I don't know how I am supposed to move on when I seem unable to move on with a new girl. Is this normal?


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Most Helpful Girl

  • 1. Stay positive

    2. Negative thoughts will come, it happens your human, but try not to beat yourself up. If you notice yourself crying, it's because your beating yourself up. Try to relax, or just take a cry about it. Sometimes actually, crying isn't so bad, it actually literally helps, so just because your crying, don't beat yourself up, let you be you, and the way you need to make it.

    3. Obsessing, thinking all the time. It will happen, and the more you think about thinking, the more you'll think your obsessiong. I had that problem. Basically, the goal of this, is to stop seeing yourself as obsessive, and just live your life, let the thoughts come and go when they want to, because in truth, you'll literally always be reminded eventually, so there's no way to control your thoughts. When your dad for ex says pacers, you think pacers. Your thoughts are just a state or moment in time

    4. Accept it as a part of your life, the more you see as that it was an experience, the more you can focus on your life. This is a part of your life, don't get too upset thinking about it, it happens, even if we get fired at work for example, we'll think about it, or stress over it. The more you start seeing it as a part of your life, and an emotion, the more you can start to control yourself.

    5. Just say no, you might look, wonder, or venture, but if you don't cry, or can go on without thinking, then there really isn't a problem. Just basically let the thoughts come, and go, and let it be apart of you, as an experience you learned, and an experience you can use in the next relationship.

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What Girls Said 10

  • Basically give yourself time.

    The longer you do, the more and more likely you'll be able to look at girls normally. Eventually, when I got over it, I started looking at other guys.

    The key to get over a relationship is:

    (I sent this to someone else, just reword it to your situation, it's easier since my hands are getting tired):

    Seriously, all this feeling is in your head is an emotion, and if you focused that energy on yourself, you can make yourself beautiful.

    You can and will still think about it for the rest of your life, you won't forget, but when your really actually over it, the tears will come immensely less, start shaping months, and then, doesn't really seem anymore.

    It'll happen eventually.

    This guy I'm dating is really good for me, and I love him a lot.

    Even though I'm in a relationship, I still look at other men, but not in a bad way, so just because you think about people, doesn't mean your a bad person. I learned that, and when I find a cute guy, I may blush, but I pass him up, because I know I love someone really deeply, and I'm glad I'm mature that way. Everyone is this way at some point.

    It's the term infatuation, and it'll literally be the same energy on another guy, especially over time, the longer you spend together with a guy, the more the energy and closeness gets. I started feeling closer and closer the more and more I got over the other guy, my mind could focus more on my self, and someone else without hitting on myself.

    The more I dropped myself down on the head hard, as in, beat myself up with words, the more I believed it.

    Honestly, all it literally takes to get over someone is to realize you can't change it, and to change your emotions in a way you can control it.

    As in, you accept, and focus more and more positive energy.

    I still think one guy was a d***, but I'm focusing so much less energy on it, that I think less. I still think each day, but eventually it may fade to weeks, I don't know?

    I just see it as a part of my life now, and just accept the thought as apart of me. I still have dreams about the past that I can't help, but that doesn't change the feelings I have for my boyfriend, or the present. What's lost, should stay lost.

    I guess the main thing I just don't like about fb is the connection with exs way too easily, and it's everywhere! It's so easy to access!

    You can't help that your mind wonders, but if you can manage your emotions in a way that makes you feel like your in control, you can be in control of your life, and what you want to do. Honestly, these infatuation feelings will be the exact same when you fall for someone else, and when they return the feelings, it's really wonderful.

    When your infatuated, you obsess, and this is for anyone.

    We feed more and more into our infatuation, that it's difficult for us to get out of our own hole we dig.

    THinking, hoping etc, the thought will always be there, as in, you will never forget, but you've got to control

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  • control yourself, and just say that's in the past.

    Once you get a grip of your emotions, you can start telling yourself words that help set your emotions, and the picture, then you try to focus on other tasks.

    However, the hard part I had with it, was obsessing about obsessing.

    I took an antidepressant along time ago, and that stopped that. It really worked, then I quit, and now am 8 months free from it.

    Try not to obsess or beat yourself up with your own words, that's the worst part about getting over it, seriously. :P

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  • Its only been two months, I'd be suprised if you were already looking at other girls...and to be fair do you want to? You would only be using them as a rebound and in the long run cause more pain to yourself and the "rebound". The best thing you can do right now is grieve and be heartbroken, its OK not to be okay right now...ride out the rollercoaster because there is no point in fighting against it. Eventually...and it will take a long time you will be able to cope with it better even though it still breaks your heart.

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  • ITS NORMAL You NEED You TIME NOW... BASICALLY I GOT TOLD A L-O-N-G TIME AGO THAT WHATEVER TIME ONE IS TOGETHER IT TAKES TWICE THTA TIME TO GET OVER THEM...

    FOR EXAMPLE- ME ... I WAS WITH MY X-FIANCE FOR 2 1.2 YEARS SO ITLL TAKE ME 5 YEARS IN TOTAL TO GET OVER HER... AND IM @ YR # 4 1.2 SO IM ALMOST THERE AND LET ME TELL You THAT ITS PRETTY ACCURATE.

    AND THE MOVING ON PART... WELL THE SAYING "THERE AN X FOR A REASON" IS PRETTY ACCURATE ALSO.. You MIGHT CONNECT ON SOME LEVELS BUT THE ONES You DONT CONNECT AT MATTER MORE...

    AND ALSO THE SAYING... "BETTER LOVED AND LOST THEN LIVE WITH A PSYCHO ALL MY LIFE" IS PRETTY DECENT TOO.

    HANG OUT WITH FRIENDS MAN... CUZ ... BROS B4 HOES ... : D

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  • I'm going through the same thing.

    I have to agree with lamnobody, just do things to keep your mind off her for a while.

    it going to take time as I'm soon learning. and the one will come around when you least expect it& you'll realize she is better for you than your last one, even though right now it may seem like that's not even possible.

    just stay strong, and surround yourself with the people who you know will keep your mind off of things.

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    • Agreed! If she makes you happy don't elt anyone take that from you. If you're happy with liking her even though you don'y have her.. Keep faith. but don't just completely focuse on her. Be friends is all I really can say. looooosing someone completely sucks..

  • Okay, Its one of two things

    1.) The relationship was long term and involved a lot of feelings which are causing you to remember her. Spending a lot of time with someone, even a good friend can make it hard for you to live without them there.

    **OR***

    2.) You are head over heels in love with her... if this is the case, which it may very well be, you need to contact her and see if things can be salvaged.

    - Yes this is very common in people coming out of long term relation ships.

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    • I am still in love with her but it's unlikely it can be salvaged. We (now) live in different states and she is seeing another guy :(

    • Hmm, That could mean something, but it is not impossible. If love is what is really going on here maybe she will realize her feelings as well

  • I'm a girl, and I feel the EXACT same way. Same situation and everything.

    I'm just giving it time and waiting to see if anything will change.

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  • I guess you just have to move on! and be the man you're still right now.. just try to get yourself busy and forget everything every good moments that you had with her.. because that is what's keeping you back... so let go of everything be free, feel free and move on!

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  • :/

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  • I think this is completely normal and am going through the same thing myself

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What Guys Said 6

  • Hey man, I can assure you that what you are going through is completely normal. Its hard to let go of someone who meant a lot to you, I've gone through this with not only girlfriends, but losing my parents, friends, and other members of my family. Its never easy. If you are still thinking about her a lot and miss her, then trying to start something new with a new girl at this point is probably not a good idea, because just like you said, your thoughts will be on your ex, and not on the new person you are with, which is not fair. Take your time to grieve her loss, and you WILL eventually feel less pain over it. I can't say that the pain ever truly goes away, I still get teary eyed when I think of my dad, mom, and other important people that are no longer in my life, but it does get easier. My advice is to keep lookin forward bro, there are literally millions, nay billions of other women on the planet, more than you could ever meet in your entire life. None of them will replace the one you lost, but there is an over abundance of others that are just as wonderful, if not even better than the last.

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  • I feel you. I was like that, still am actually. worse still, its been 2 YEARS for me. I really did love her and though I met other girls in between they never made me feel the same. it was always her at the end of the day. I feel so helpless at times. the only sound advice I can give you is to just go on with life. busy yourself and never give yourself time to think cause that's when she'll slip back into your thoughts. hang out with your friends even if you don't want to. they'll be your distraction. it may seem like a never ending thing but when the time is right and usually when you're least expecting it, you'll meet someone else.

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  • there is a way for you to recover but it will take time, you have been in a relationship for a while and it is extremely hard to move on but here is the thing now it time to reinvent yourself the old you is a thing of the past look in to the future and build a better you focus on team you pick up a hobby I took up weight training and it has been my anti break solution after every break up I just become a better person because I take all the emotion and I put it into bettering myself maybe it could work for you who knows maybe you might find someone who can understand you situation and be your friend before throwing yourself into another relationship to quickly

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  • I can't say anything other than what the other people here have... but you will be OK, I promise, it's just going to take time. allow it to take time. good luck.

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  • thats normal. You just need time. I still compare people in my mind to my ex and she was a full 2 years ago...I have moved on ...but sometimes I just go man...their not like she was...its just a thing everone goes through some stronger than others

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  • I feel you on this one, I'm in the same boat. Its best just to try and forget even though it seems impossible. Its best to let the past be in the past.

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