So this is gonna be long... So I ended up dating my friends with benefits. It went well for a little bit but one day he came over and never left. He didn't have a job and wasn't helping with anything. This went on for 3 months... One day my mom and I went to Wal-Mart and saw my cousin who's a manager there, she said she'd give him a job no problem just have him be there by a certain time. He didn't go. I was pissed... He wasn't even trying to look for another job or help out so I broke up with him and kicked him out. Its weird but I really loved him and just felt used. Well, I was on my feelings and got drunk and went to go see my bd. We had sex, it felt horrible and wrong, and I told him never again. A few days later my ex wanted to try things over but differently. He said he'd stay at his parents and got a job. I was happy he finally was getting his life together. So we talked again and hung out and got into the grove of being together again. One day he asked if I slept with my baby dad and I said no. The guilt made me crazy so the next day I admitted to it and he freaked. Saying I lied to his face (which I did) and that I'm disgusting and proceeded to block me from everything. Later at 3 am he text me drunk asking what he did wrong and if he was a bad boyfriend. And that if I really loved him I would've waited longer. I agreed with everything and told him I'm sorry and I can't take back anything I did. I didn't ask for him back and made no excuses. He blocked me again. It's been 3 days and I feel extremely terrible about the choices I've made. I know we'll never be together again but I don't want him to be hurt and I want to know he's ok. I just don't know how to get over this feeling of guilt and heart break. I really do love him I just confused... And made a mistake and now it'll haunt me forever. What should I do?