Can my ex replace her distrust in me with butterflies in her stomach again?

I've known a girl since grade school. We hadn't seen each other since and we bumped into each other when 3 years ago and started dating. This girl did everything for me. She was more into me then I was into her. I didn't appreciate her. I took her for granted. She was no longer happy so she called it quits.

Before I carry on, she's been hurt by guys in the past. She has trust issues.

After we broke up, I tried to contact her best friend to try to make sense of everything because she was really cold. Said there was never another chance and when she calls it quits, it's really over. She wished me the best of luck and all. Her best friend wouldn't reply back to my e-mail.

I get my haircut at this salon and one of her girlfriends happens to work there. She took me in, we went out for coffee's and she would listen to me vent. When I asked her if my ex was OK with us going out for coffee, she said she knows but she's not too happy about it. Anyways, when I heard this, I didn't really go out with her anymore. I didn't want to make things worse. While I was hanging out with this girl, she would tell me the weirdest things which got me thinking. She would say how my ex is seeing someone and she's a ho and I could do a lot better but at the same time, she would hang out with her a lot.

I found the situation fishy. So my ex finally contacts me. She says she loves me, she thinks her breaking up with me without even talking to me was selfish and she hated it. She said she sees a future with me and is hoping for things to work but she would like to start slow.

We went out for a coffee together and just let everything on the table. She said she was really hurt that I didn't appreciate all the things she would do for me and I would always be out with the guys and it was true.

I decided to tell her all the things her friend said behind her back. I don't know if this was a bad move or not but I kind of wanted to know if she was really seeing a guy or not.

First of all, she didn't know that me and her "friend" went out for coffee's like her friend confirmed.

Second of all, when she confronted her friend about why she never told her, she lied and said the only time we were out together was with a group, which isn't the case at all.

She got 2 different stories and now thinks I can't be trusted because something might've happened between us.

She said the warm and fuzzy feelings about me have been replaced with distrust.

I stuck with no contact before during the initial break-up. I know the best chance is to move on but this sucks. I got her and I didn't do anything but she isn't thinking rationally nor logically. She's emotional and hurt.

I'm in love with her. Genuinely. I know she loves me too and is really upset with me.

Is there still a chance for us in the future?

Advice from girls is much appreciated.


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  • There will always be a chance - you can't just "Break" love, unless something extreme happens.. Like you killing her favorite stuffed animal, it just won't happen.

    My advice - Learn patience, acceptance, and confidence. You don't need to be treated like dirt, just like you don't need to take blame for a situation you didn't do. But at the same time, you don't need to be a d*** when you are standing up for yourself - simply say:

    "Look, I'm not a human punching bag and I told you the truth. I can respect the fact that you have told me that you can't trust me, but I think it's more than unfair that I'm being accused for something I didn't do."

    Basically:

    Step 1) She needs to work on her trust issues. That's not your problem, but if you guys got together, it would be your problem.

    Step 2) You need to work harder at avoiding situations where she may presume you're untrustworthy.. You know she has trust issues, so it'll save you a lot of drama if you follow this step.

    Step 3) You need to learn confidence..no offence. You sound like you're a really cool guy and that you ARE trying to change, but you can't suddenly worship the ground she walks on because she has trust issues, she needs to earn that worship and show you that she is a "worship-able girlfriend"..

    Step 4) You guys need to progress SLOWLY.. Don't just jump for a relationship because she said she loves you.. Work on hanging out as friends and slowly progressing it more and more romantically.

    etc

    I hope it helps, but I was in a similar situation. I can tell you from proof that self-improvement is your best way of showing her you've changed.. and at correcting her "trusts issues".. Best of all, you don't have to try and force her to erase these issues or anything - you just work on yourself and smile.

    Take care,

    ~ ArtistBBoy

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