Why do I keep not wanting to let go of the relationship?

Ok so I met this girl at a friends party I went and she tried taking a pic of me which I caught her because of the flash, but I didn’t talk to her I did have a little small talk with her but then the next day or maybe a couple of days later I don’t remember that well, I texted her i got the number because we were in a group chat together and I told her “hey my name is Diego I saw you at the party and I wanted to talk to you but I had to leave early but I really want to meet you” and that’s when she asked me “oh you are that baseball player right?” I responded “yes” and we continued talking from there.

It was my first relationship I had no idea what to do or how to ask for what I wanted from her which when I would ask her i was always scared that she would get mad I never asked for sex because we had only just met I would ask to hold hands and like that I never got to kiss her only in the cheek but I was saving the kiss for a special moment because I had never kissed anyone before still haven’t but she was my first one and she showed me a lot of things no other girl had ever done one of them was she told me “I love you” which nobody had ever told me that apart from my parents, and also my past haunts me so almost every girl in school knows my past I didn’t do drugs or anything it was just cringe mistakes and I still do them but it was the fact that she gave me the chance that no other girl had ever given me was everything to me and I loved her I may still do I don’t know it’s been two months but I still cry about it and I’m crying as I’m writing this too, but I want to know why I want to try to fix the relationship still after all this and she ended it by telling me “I don’t want to fucking talk to you anymore” and yes I know I need to move on but I just can’t and I don’t know why I haven’t see any pics of her I haven’t texted her or looked at any of our old text and I don’t stalk her on social media, I know she isn’t anything special but I still want to hold on
Updates:
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Also forgot to say we dated for two weeks and we continued as friends for maybe 4 or 5 months and me trying to get her to love me again
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Also I feel like it’s all my fault and I’ve been working out and I just got in a diet because I want revenge for leaving me for another guy and her fully knowing how I felt about her
Why do I keep not wanting to let go of the relationship?
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