My ex only comes back when he sees me moving on?

When he sees that I am getting on with my life he comes begging to come back, then leaves after a few days after making up fights and excuses to start a fight... this has been happening for half a year now.

If he suspects I may have met someone, which is not the case, then he comes running back to me.

Also, we have a month old baby. Last time he came back he said he was no longer in love but loved me so much. I am tired of this.

Any way to get this guy to wake up and make him commit and stay for good? Or forget about him. But I love him, and want us to be a family...

Please help...


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Most Helpful Guy

  • I am going through the same thing right now and once she sees that I will give her another chance she says forget it and tells me it is not what she wants... there is a book out there that is really good yet it is made for marriages it works really well for dating/more committed relationships it is called The Love Dare... it is based on the movie Fireproof... I have read the book twice and watched this movie over 500 times(ya I know I am a guy watching a chick flick but once you watch the movie you will see why I have watched it so many times) My ex and I have 3 kids... In my eyes it is a control thing you are the mother of his baby as I am the father of her baby even though they want to be out there with someone else they are afraid if we do it we are pushing them not only out of our lives but our kids lives as well... I have a youtube link for this movie if you want to watch it online the book can be picked up at any major book store at a cost of 14.99US or 16.99 Cdn. It is our love that we keep taking them back yet it is us getting hurt over and over again... If you want to talk some more just inbox me and we can chat :)

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    • Thanks Chris, I will watch the movie and write to you sometime if my month old baby allows it- he is always sleeping in my arms :)

Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 6

  • Honestly, this guy sounds like a complete loser. If he's not willing to commit to you and your child, you really need to move on. Not only will he always disappoint you, your on-again, off-again dramatics will hurt your ability to find a real relationship with a responsible man. For the sake of your baby if not yourself, tell this guy that while he'll always be the father (and you expect child support) you're moving on without him.

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  • well, if he's only coming back cause he feels he can't have you (but some other guy can) then I think that deep down he doesn't like YOU for who you are, but rather wants to feel that he can get you. again, he might not be thinking about this conciously, but maybe its what motivates him to do all this deep down.

    now the baby part makes it more complicated, but otherwise I would say dump him.

    this is easier said than done, but try to find someone who wants you for who you are, and who you can connect with and can have fun with, rather than just sleeping with guy after guy (im not saying you are)

    raise your kid in a proper household, with a partner, and DONT set an example to the child by being with more than one man.

    i feel that, that's why the next generations gonna be more messed up than we are,

    so its up to us to set a good example.

    if your ex genuinely means it this time, it may be worth it, but if he acts like a fag again, forget it.

    i know this answer is aimed more at your kids upbringing, but really, I wish you all the best.

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  • give him an ultimatum, either commit and help take care of your baby like a man, or get out of your way and let me find someone who can and stop trying to stand in the way of your happiness... if he doesn't commit and keeps being a douche and won't go away, get a restraining order...

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  • Your His Property... But He's Not Yours... No Man Wants Some Other Girl That We Care For To Be With Another Man... It's Totally A Selfish Way Of Thinking But Ohhh So Many Of Us Do It... It Sounds To Me That When Your Away From Him You Start Gettin Back A Little Self-Esteem And We're Super Attracted To That... But Then The Repetitive Problems Of The Relationship Seem To Hit Hard And Fast... You Just Need To Carry Over That Self-Esteem While Your Single And Give Him An Ultimatum To Stay Or Go... If He Says He'll Stay That's The LAST And FINAL Chance You Should Give Him...

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  • I can relate to that, he obviously loves you, but is mixed up, it may take something to happen to make him realise, only my opinion but sounds like difficult situation, could go either way.

    Stay looking good if you really want him.

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    • thanks for comment. When you say ' it may take something to happen to make him realise' what eaxactly could that be? Any suggestions? what could make him click? thinking that he is losing me or lost me? thanks

  • leave. he's a douche. simple as that

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What Girls Said 9

  • No, you cannot get him to wake up and commit. All he is doing now is responding to his temporary urges to not see you with someone else or to lose you as his #1 Fan. He is very self-focused and immature.

    The best you can do is really move on and I understand that is complicated by the fact that both of you need to interact so that he can be in your child's life. You will simply need to remain firm with him that you are over his up and down feelings and need to focus on raising your child and moving on. Just know that at any time he says he wants another chance, he is going to repeat these negative patterns with you and stand firm to avoid that.

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  • i feel for you. not only are you hurt , but a baby is involved, that's always tough... I know this is easier said then done but you need to go on with your life. he is playing mind games with you and that's not right. he's acting immature. he has a child now, its time to grow up! your in your 30s, you don't need to deal with this crap! he uses you and then when you move on he comes running back so you can't find happiness, then tries to find things to fight about. you can do better. he will always be a part of your life becaused you do have a baby together but there is no way you can make this guy commit and stop acting like that.. unless you try to move on with your life every day so he runs back to you every day..which is no way to live. you deserve someone who will treat you with the out most respect and won't play mindless games. like I said easier said then done... but move on!

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    • Thanks for the great advice. Yeah he comes back, crushes my happiness and self-esteem and then leaves me.

      maybe it is just for sex...who knows

  • Hey, god this sounds hard for you. It isn't as easy as walking away. Especially with a baby involved. Would he go to relationship counselling? Or at least talk to someone, he sounds mixed up. I assume you have tried talking to him. Maybe try and change the way you respond to him walking away/coming back... he needs to see a change in your behavior to understand it isn't OK and he can't keep doing it.

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  • I think the question should be "Why don't you wake up and get him out of your system and move on"! What in the world gives you any hope that he will change. He is just continually pulling your chain and knows he can get away with it.

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  • well if he's back then give him some time, and tell him you wanna settle in with him...i mean your really lucky that he's come back to u!...i mean I'm presently suffering from my break up, wch is difficult!..but I'm gonna try and move on, hopefully my ex comes back too!...i've heard it works, and I hope it does!

    luck to u!

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    • yeah, they say that showing him you are moving on makes him come back..try it, I hope he doesn't leave after he comes back like mine! Good luck..

    • yeah he may come back but he only does so when he sees that she is moving on. but then when they get back together he finds anything to fight with. she has a baby now, she needs someone who will be mature and there for her. she already has to take care of on baby.. not 2 ( him acting like one)

  • if he is a good father allow him to be just that and get yourself a good man to be good to YOU and your child, life is tough and your partner make should make things easier. your partner shouldn't be immature like baby father! Good luck !

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  • Just tell him straight, it's the only way. I know you've got a child to deal with but I'm sure your family will be supporting you 100%. Just say to him, look you need to mature up and you can't keep doing this, I'd love for us to be together for the sake of the child and us but you can't just come and go when you please

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  • dump him. simple as that, he's not the committing kind. even if you force him to stay he'll just cheat on you and then leave you for another woman. trust me I know from personal experience

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  • Don't take him back when tries to get you again. He either knows what he's got or not.

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