Can you ever move on when you don't know why?

We split and I never got an answer why? Can you ever move on without knowing what went wrong? Should you find out or will it make no difference when the outcome is still the same?


Most Helpful Girl

  • It sucks but when that's the only alternative , sometimes you just have to.

    I had a similar situation actually multiple, hmm interesting lol I wonder if I have anything to do with repeat situations. I was not able to explain things to them- I didn't get a chance, I was not given a chance to explain some things I really would have preferred to clear up. I could not get clarification from them either. Tho I tend to avoid assuming, but in these instances, I always assumed there would be closure. Had to live without anything concrete. From the, I know myself well I could explain things a thousand different ways on my side, but it isn't the same& people say it makes no difference but I don't believe that, I think it makes a very important difference. ho I had to move on anyways, I would still have very much appreciated closure, in all things - not just relationships. I believe closure is just that- It lets your mind take a breathe.

    • I completely agree I just submitted a very similar question, myself always explains and offers closure to people to and I would expect the same back, I'm going through the same, my heads been a mess. My ex will talk to me as a mate (on his terms) but not give any closure atall - in a way worse as its been rubbing it in my face. Why is 10 min of someones time to explain so tough... to enable the other party to breathe/sleep at night?

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    • so the last contact I have had was fri - my birthday. He told me he would chat tomoz... I didn't here yesterday. He knew how hard I been finding it all. Hurts he couldn't follow through with what he said. Text him last night, 9 ish sober again re iterating didn't want things left on bad/upset terms and could we chat... nothing. What do I do now, never had a relationship end with no closure... finding it so tough tbh. Pretty down with it all.

    • well we've had no contact for 2 weeks. She had a big moving in party at her flat (that I helped her move into) last night and obviously I was no longer welcome. I hear from friends that she was being flirty with one guy who I suspect may be the reason. I'm pretty angry and my mind is jumping to all sorts of conclusions. But I'm gonna stay strong and not talk to her, if theirs one thing I've got going for me right now it's my stubborness!

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What Girls Said 2

  • Yes, the only reason you can't move on without knowing why is that you keep telling yourself you need to know why before you can move on. I've been there, and then I found out why and that only made it worse and led to more questions. I think even if someone tells you why you can never really know why because so many people just say things because they think that's going to make the break up easier. But break ups are tough no matter what you say or do... so you just got to let go and move on.

    • Or people could just be honest& in that event it not only brings peace , it helps you understand yourself & others better with other aspects in life. Honest communication is never bad. Lying mind games and manipulation are. Refusing to talk is just passive aggressive- that's not easier,its immature&disorienting &often times people ignore things only to take it out on the next person. If you personally don't want to know things that's OK. I wouldn't call it useless. some do better with knowledge.

  • Hun, it will make no difference. Just pull up your socks and do some soul searching on improving yourself and in that the answer will come too you. :0)



    • But it's hard to do that when you don't know what you did wrong?

    • You might feel like it's all "on you" since you were dumped, but ultimately SHE made the choice to end it. So she has HER reasons or excuses and let her keep them. Whatever her reason, it wasn't important enough to her to work out, so you are better off finding a partner who is willing to work with you. That is the type of person you want, not someone who doesn't value your commitment to them or your relationship.

What Guys Said 1

  • Finding out "why" will just leave you with more questions and make things worse for you. What went wrong is clear, she didn't want to commit to you, and that's all the knowing that you need. Cut all communications and ties with her and just more on to someone that will appreciate your worth. Chasing her in any way will just give away your self respect. Start dating other girls.

    • So by chasing these answers isn't that what a person needs to move on and how can that person who does the finishing not realize its not a lot to ask. Totally agree with your response but I'm in exactly the same position totally emphasise and I've been tearing my hair out as I just feel its a totally understandable feeling to want more answers. I've asked my ex maybe 5-6 times for an explanation and got nothing and all its left is hard/bad feelings its crap.

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    • Ive cut off my ex now after initially trying to be friends. He kept giving false hope, getting an emotional reaction and then he would back off and this happened 3-4 times. I never got answers - the answers I did got didn't substantiate breaking up. I replied to a text I wanted space and he still then text last night ignoring what I said. Some people are so selfish... answers for me = more head messing in the end, really not worth it despite having my heart broken. People just don't care.

    • Most of the time when people want answers or reasons why someone broke up with them is to be at ease and to get "closure", but being left for no reason gives you all the closure you need. They didn't want to be with you, and they felt there was nothing to talk about. Asking or demanding answers leads to someone hearing what they don't want to hear. A reason for a breakup should never be carried to the next relationship because that leads to insecurity about yourself and the next relationship.

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