He doesn't want to call me his girlfriend?

I have been dating this guy for five months, and the relationship is progressing slowly but nicely. He's four years older. 20-24. Him and I see each other around twice a week, sleep together, et cetera. He's very honest, sweet and respectfull. We have been exclusive for about two months, but he still refers to us as just dating and won't call me his girlfriend. When I met him he was going through a hard separation with his longtime girlfriend. She moved away. In a year from now, he is also moving away and I've known this from the start, that whatever happened between him+me would be shortlived. He loves her, and that's OK with me. Yes, he had initially started using me as his comfort blanket, but I have become more than that to him. I feel that even though he will run to her in due time, are I g h t and o w, he's is with MOI. And we truly are in a relationship, so why can he not have the decency of refering to me as his girlfriend? His friends do know we've been dating for a while. Why does a title matter so much? It does'nt, it's more so the fact that he is not using it. Why am I not finding someone who wants me as his first choice and will love me? Because I too am moving away shortly after him so it would be problematic whoever I am with. In the end, there will be pain. But, I am happy with him, so I'm not giving this up. I crave your thoughts on the matter, please read and respond! Thank you so much.


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Most Helpful Girl

  • I just got through the exact same situation. My guy and I dated for 4 and a half months and we were never boyfriend/girlfriend. Our friends knew we were seeing each other, so it was no secret. He's planning to move to Europe next year and he plans to stay there for 5 years so I felt that it was best if we stopped seeing each other (Europe was only one of the many reasons why I dumped him). The reason why we were never official was because of his future plan to move. I guess having the title would make it harder to leave someone and that it established the notion that you two are together on a serious level. I still think that's a bullsh*t reason for not being official because it felt like we were an actual couple. I was finally starting to let my guard down and I was starting to fall in love with him. But moving to Europe is his dream and I did not want to be the one to hold him back.

    Now it's been almost 2 months since we broke up and he's seeing someone new. We go to the same school and he usually hangs out in this one spot in between classes, so we bump into each other. Although I'm over the concept of "us", it still angered me to see that he's already moved on. But knowing that he's not looking for anything serious and knowing how willing he was to just leave me for Europe, makes me feel better because I know he'll do the same to her as well.

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What Guys Said 3

  • You know he is using you.

    You don't mind cause you like him.

    He is not calling you his girlfriend so that you don't get the idea that you and him will be that way once he leaves.

    Enjoy it while it lasts but don't try to hold on...he is kinda telling you by not using the word girlfriend that you are not gonna be in his long term future but he also likes your company atm. So its his way of keeping that distance in his mind he is justified in leaving you sometime down the road because he NEVER said you were his girlfriend. does that make sense? its how us guys think

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  • Have you met any of his friends? If not you are NOT his girlfriend.

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  • He is definitely just using you.

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What Girls Said 6

  • i think it's because he's not given himself the time to get over his ex and almost out of respect for that relationship he doesn't want to seem like he's moved on so fast. It's really not any reflection on you, he's probably just not ready to be as devoted to you as he was to his last girlfriend, it's not a feeling you can magic 24/7. Really loving, close relationships are intense and they don't come along all the time. if he'd met you at another time in your lives maybe he would call you his girlfriend. Or maybe not, maybe you're not quite what he's looking for. which, again, is his problem, not yours, so try not to worry!

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  • I am going through almost the EXACT same thing right now. I would love to know why guys around this age don't seem to like the "girlfriend" label. From what I have gathered from my guy's friends, it just seems like a lot of guys this age want to "feel like they can do whatever they want, but in reality..they aren't." So he probably still wants to feel young and single and carefree especially after being in such a long, serious relationship (my guy broke up with his girlfriend of about two years a few weeks before we met and began dating) that he doesn't want to feel like he is in one right away again, even if he feels that way for you and that strongly - he just doesn't want the "label" hanging there. Believe me girl, I feel you. Thinking about whether or not I'm my guy's "girlfriend" is driving me up the wall - all the time!

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    • It's become apparent that many guys out there aren't willing to 'SETTLE DOWN'. But guess what? Girls do the same sh*t.

  • At the beginning I didn't really believe in this but you get a relationship you were looking for. So if you do not get a boyfriend who takes you as the first choice you probably do not even want a serious relationship...for whatever reason (this reason may not be clear to you, yet).

    And as written by other users: He is using you! Do you really want to be the second choice? Look for another guy who wants YOU!

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  • I guess he needs to take things slowly :/ guys are weird

    btw could you awnser on this one ?

    link

    thanks :)

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  • This situation seems like a heartbreak waiting to happen. You deserve better. G'luck.

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  • Um.. please look at your situation logically. What does this look like to you? Of course he is using you, and he may treat you good, but he is waiting to get back together with the ex.. Come on girl, don't put yourself through this. He's a user, don't be used. You will just be hurt when it's over.

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    • How can you call him a 'user' if she enjoys the time they spend together, as much as he does? I'd have to say that 99.9% of all guys out there want a significant other, whether it's temporary or permanent. It makes us feel better, knowing that we're not alone in our lives. And I'm pretty sure you girls feel the same. Both sides want to feel love. It's human nature. Enjoy it while it lasts, or choose to find another who won't bail out if that's what you want.

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