Initiating no contact with ex if he wanted no contact?

My boyfriend and I were Romeo and Juliet, no fights no problems zero, it was beyond perfect. Then about 4 days ago he left me and said he wasn't ready for a relationship because he has to get his life together. I had a complete mental breakdown when he left me and I begged him to come back all that next day. Then I went straight no contact on the same day and am trying to work on myself and my own issues while hoping to god NC will work and he'll come back (haven't even been on facebook, completely disappeared). What I'm worried about is that he initially wanted to not speak to me for a while when he left me, and he's already a somewhat antisocial person in that he goes months without talking to his friends. I'm his girlfriend so it's a little different but will No Contact really work on someone like him? If he's kind of a loner will he still get lonely and contact me? I don't want to wait months and I don't want to lose him. He says he "fell out of love" but I just think he's direly confused right now and plus I was always around him and we got too serious about the relationship too fast. He definitely still cares, when I broke down at my grandmother's house afterward, my cousin asked him to call my grandmother, and he did, then he called me very concerned and talked me down. We didn't do anything extremely damaging in the relationship, no cheating, no fighting, nothing, it was literally a shock when he told me we weren't doing okay. I just messed up a little, got clingy and emotional and I'm working on my problems now so I can be a better girlfriend when he comes back.

I just need some assurance that No Contact is going to affect him the way it's supposed to. Am I doing the right thing? I want him back.


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Most Helpful Girl

  • I just had the same thing happen to me 3 weeks ago. Managed no contact for a few days and then broke down again. Its hard when your hearts so broken. We (my ex and I) are now on barely talking terms as we went from relationship to mates to me being upset now he is pissed of as I acted quite psychotic last night as he was ignoring me. For me having my heart broken for the first time I've found it quite overwhelming and I agree with the girl below that you have to do NC for YOURSELF, take it from me who has just been through it getting rejected through contacting them makes it substantially worse. Every time you contact you take ste backwards your head gets tired etc.

    If he changes his mind he will do that, but you have to look after yourself now. I also went down the route of blaming my clingy behavior but as time has gone on I've realized that I was like that as he wasn't giving me 50:50 or the reassurance I needed either. As a mate which we tried last week until it got to my birthday (3rd dec) - I needed some support. He was exactly the same even outside of the relationship he couldn't deal with someones emotions and being selfless and that showed me massively that sometimes when guys are like that, can't talk, can't work through problems, and instead walk away. Until they grow up and realise... whether that's next week or in 4-5 years they are the SAME people. Being emotional is something two people as boyfriend/girlfriend or friends work through together and is not a reason to resent yourself or want to change - he caused that emotion through suddenly ending things WITHOUT explaining or working at it.

    I know its hard to believe but you did nothing wrong at all. Stay strong. I hope he changes his mind but please think of yourself now, he has done the same

    xxxx

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    • Thanks for the pep-talk and I really appreciate it but I just can't hear the "take care of yourself and forget about him move on" line right now, it's so easy for anyone to rattle that off. I almost don't care about feeling better I just want him back, and I want a plan, a solution. If he were any other guy I would be fully confident that he'd come running back to me but he's fiercely intelligent, I hope to god I'm not going to lose him completely by not talking to him at all.

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What Guys Said 1

  • You can't guarantee NC will work, it's not a failsafe technique otherwise we'd all be with our ex partners. Leave it a month and then talk to him. Theirs no point in plodding along for months hoping he'll realize his errors and come back to you. He may really have lost interest, it does happen. If you had zero problems then unfortunately a possible reason is he his feelings have changed. And if that is true then the longer you wait the more over you he'll be.

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What Girls Said 5

  • do exactly that let him know life without. you don't know what you've got untill you lose it. I've been throught this let him be for a while. my boyfriend and I were like you to but more serious after two years we were engaged and about to wedd, and a month b4 the wedding he broke up :( iwe worked together (in his business) it was like we were married but without the sex and I slept at home. the no contact is working for me after we broke up I did what you did, now he's e mailing me to night he asked me to go out to lunch tomorrow and this is about 3 months after the break up. about a week after the break up I texted him he texted back then it was no contact for about a month the we started to chat on MSN and he began to send reques to join social networks . 2 month after the break up I was askedout. don't be to cliny with boyfriend it make them feel confined, and they get scared and fesor to escape via break up. give them enough space to miss you. if you find its taking too long be bold and ask him to give another go at it. never let love go without a fight or good reasoning.

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  • Girl, I am in the same exact situation. Like literally...SAME thing happend to me. My man has two more years of school left and we both started backing off slightly. He deals with emotional issues himself and would never let me in. I was in a bad relationship previously and I didn't want to get hurt so I backed off completely. I started being cold and ignoring messages, etc. I am completely in love with him and I feel like I damaged the relationship by pulling back so much. Id love to hear more about what your man is doing now...my man and I have had no contact for about four months...he use to be with me everyday, watched my son, took care of us...i just don't know what to do!

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  • Hea girl I am in the same boat too been about four months separated from ex and haven't really had any contact either with my ex we did meet up once to catch up. But that was it we just talked about what we been up to we did kiss but that was it nothing more he said he trying to get his stuff back in order. Since then we really haven't talked or seen each other I have been no contact with him not texting going to school hanging out with friends. I think at this point I am going to focus on myself and move on I can't wait around and dwell if he's going to return. If it was meant for us to be it will be. I don't want to force anything it has to because he wants to.

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  • It does work and you need to keep doing it no matter how hard it is for you, find a hobbie to keep you concentrating on other things. I started making cards and giving them out at the children's hospital and before I knew it my ex was calling me and trying to hang out with me more, but the more I realized it, I had allready moved on and was content with handing my cards out at the hospital then wanting to be with a guy who didn't know what he had in the first place.

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  • Honestly I think I would write him a message here and there saying hi or something just so he knows that you still care. Just don't give up on him just still show him that you care. First loves are always the hardest when its a break up.

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