My girlfriend is currently pregnant (12 weeks) which may contribute to her not wanting to be around me but it's not the root of the problem.
We met online and hit things off really well by sharing a lot of the same opinions and enjoying the same things. Besides that we are both very private people.
I took things really slow with her and gave things lots of time to develop.
After being together for a few months she admitted that she sometimes has trouble displaying affection but she tried with me and we did the usual hugging, kissing, looking in each others eyes, etc.
In the almost 6 months we've been together we've been intimate 4 times. Now I would love to be intimate everyday but I was willing to give her all the time and space she needed to get physically comfortable with me. I am in love with this woman. Even with the limited physical contact I have absolutely no desire to go outside our relationship for sex.
Just before the pregnancy though I could tell she was having a hard time expressing any type of physical or emotional intimacy or feelings. We haven't slept in the same bed for about 2 months now. We don't touch each other, cuddle, kiss, hold hands, nothing. She has shut down everything.
I try to discuss it with her and she deflects the questions and we start arguing about petty things. Now we can't even discuss this.
I've tried to be patient but this is killing me. I guess I have the same question as the OP.
Am I setting myself up for a big heartbreak? Is someone like this ever going to be capable of expressing emotions to me.
She sleeps in a separate room with her 2 dogs(they sleep in bed with her) she shuts the door and I sleep alone.
I will be a responsible father but I don't want to be part of a loveless relationship.
I'm a very affectionate person but I'm not over clingy. In fact ex girlfriends wanted me to be a little more affectionate!
Most Helpful Girl
You cannot survive in an emotionally unavailable relationship. I would suggest getting the book for her called, "The courage to Heal" and you don't have to pry but be honest about how it is affecting you, giver her the book, and say "you don't have to read it and I don't know if you need it or not but its a book that follows your comfort level if you have something you don't want to talk about with me that you want to heal".. That's what I would do. But after that, I would say you need to take a break from her because relationships don't thrive on such little intimacy-emotional or sexual.
I have been married to a man who can hardly talk about the smallest problems so we can fix them. I have been through Hell and back trying to make it work but I have learned a lot about myself, my self-worth, what I attracted because of past issues, etc. I then worked on me, realized that this relationship was a blessing for me. I looked for what I needed to heal from all of this. I think now I am finally ready to move on. Its so scary, but there is a time when self-respect is time to take place. I would get a phenomenal book for yourself called, "You Can Heal Your Life" by Luis L. Hay. There is also the all time best of all marriage/couple books by Dr. John Gottman called, the 7 pillars of marriage? sorry having a hard time remembering but my teachers recommended it, among others. The author watched married couples over the years(literally, cameras in homes) and has incredible research and skills in this book-but its easy & interesting reading-not some huge text book. He can predict with 90 percent accuracy(incredible in world of psychology) which couples will last and which will split. So knowing the skills from that book is great. I would start with yourself though. If you want answers about your dear loved one, I would recommended calling an energy therapist-no it is not crap try it once. They can work over the phone they are amazing at helping you grow in the direction you need-rather it saves your relationship or you grow apart for someone ready for love.
Two other books you might like. First, "How to Raise Your Self-Esteem" by Nathanial Branden-the base of everything and tons of good info you might not have thought of.
Last of all, "Is It Love Or Is It Addiction?" third edition. Honestly I think Most if not all people should read this book.
I wish you well. It sounds like she is dealing with(sorry if too personal) abuse in the past and does not want to speak of it. intimacy of any kind- anything that opens emotions or sexual sensation could be terrifying to her. You could recommend a therapist. or even couples counseling. That is why I recommended that book "The Courage to Heal" try to be general and leave it with her but if she isn't ready to heal I promise you are not the one who can do it for her and giving up years of your life in a lonely relationship isn't going to help you. You can care and Just let her know kindly.2