it's been a bit of a rough road for me.
I was abused as a child. Then turned around and got into a bad relationship with a guy who used me as his own personal sex toy. And I let him.
I was beginning to see I need to get out of that relationship a little over a month ago when I came on this forum and asked a question.
it was answered by a guy wo's advise was very insightful.
we spoke every day after that about everything. Politics, religion, the state of the world, deep stuff.
two weeks ago, I let my ex. Largely because of the new found strength this other guy had helped me find.
We were conversing as friends, then shortly after I slpit with my ex, things things turned a bit deeper.
a few days ago, we exchanged photos.
This guy knows all about me by now.
in the course of one month, we have exchanged 600 email. Taking about everything and anything. We could answer each others questions before we asked them - really! I would ask a question. Sent it, and at the same time another email would arrive with him writing an answer to that very question!
We were very in sync.
He lives in a different country, and started talking about me coming there to live. We spoke of him coming here to visit. Two days ago he spoke of going to the travel agency to find out about a trip here and then how nice Hawaii would be for a honey moon.
I told him things were moving really fast for me.
he knows a ton about me, yet he doesn't speak about his own person stuff as much. Little by little he has told me stuff, but there is still a lot left to know.
I started asking some "loaded questions as he called it. Like "Could you be content to JUST hold a woman at times with no sex?" (My ex was a sex nut. The answer for him would have been NO!).
my questions hurt my new guy. He suddenly became distant. Said my healing was not complete. And he is right, but considering how far I have come I think I am doing well. Deep wounds take time to heal.
I asked if he was OK. Twice he evaded the question.
I said I was sorry if I hurt him somehow and I hoped he was OK. He is a highly spiritual person, so I said I will send him some good energy.
He wrote back and said he didn't want my energy near him. It was not clean.
These were words that cut deep on me as I'm sure he knew they would. After being used as a sex object by my ex, I feel dirty.
I wrote back and said as he wished. That I was sorry to have hurt him and yes I knew I wasn't totally healed yet.
also, could he blame me for asking some tough questions and wanting to look before I leap.
I pointed out he had not told me as much about himself and so he hadn't gotten rid of his own safety shield either.
That if I left my home as he knew, I would be disowned from my family. If I to to his country and things didn't work between us . He would be in the same boat as he was before. Not the case for me.
I ended by saying not to worry, I would keep my dirty energy here with me.
He has never responded.
was I wrong to ask the hard questions?
Most Helpful Guy
No, you were not wrong to ask those questions, and I think in time you will realize you were lucky things went this way. Leaving your country to be with someone you've never met before, someone you discussed honeymoons with when you two had just met a month ago... there's a small chance that things would have been nice, but I suspect soon one of you would have become disillusioned with the other, and then things would have gotten messy, as you would be stuck in a foreign country, possibly married, and alone.
He seems like a rather controlling type, who thrives on women who depend on him. All sweet in the beginning, your 'night in shining armor', but the moment he noticed you started thinking about what was good and important for YOU, what YOU wanted, he suddenly turned nasty. I think a relationship with this guy may very well have been much like the one you were two weeks ago.
On the bright side, he gave you the courage to get out of the bad relationship you were in. In a way what happened is pretty much the best possible situation, you got out of a bad relationship but have managed to avoid getting into a new one. I hope you find someone who is better for you, and remember to stand up for yourself!
Somewhat unrelated to the question at hand, your profile mentions still in a relationship with "a great guy". And that you "care a great deal for one another and enjoy your time together". I take it you have yet to update your profile? :p3
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