It's been to long...why can't I move on?

I keep asking for help on how to get my ex-girl back. I have already told her how I feel, and it didn't work. She is with her ex now and that is the reason she broke up with me (we were great together, but she said her heart was meant for another). It's been a few months, and it's ruining my whole life. I use to be strong, hardworking, have goals and be happy. I am non of these anymore. I feel like a complete loser now. I can't stop thinking about her, and the thought of maybe getting back together, but that doesn't look like it will ever happen.

I am tired of this sh*t. I just want to feel normal again, but I feel like my life is over before it began; I am only 25. This girl was the love of my life, and I can't get over those feelings. Knowing that no other guy will ever love her as much as me--not being a prick, but it's the dead truth, and she may never realize that. Does this make me, weak, pathetic, desperate...etc...? Maybe, but I know I can never be happy again without her. No matter what I do, she is in my mind all day and in my dreams all night. I would give up the rest of my life to just be with her one more day or just one more moment of her in my arms.

Girls talk about how much guys are assholes and what not. Well, here I am, all alone. One of the best guys out there...but you know what? Women, at least most women, do not want this type of man...although they may claim to. They want to fall for the bad guy, and when they realize that they don't like them, they want to make them a good guy. Why not fall for the good ones...they are more fun than you might think.

The fact is...I don't see myself ever meeting another girl...one that I can fall for even half as much as my ex. Yes there might be someone out there, but that doesn't mean that I will meet her. I try, but I don't know..I am not a bad looking guy, I am smart, I might be a little shy, but I really do try. It's too easy to tell someone to move on and they will eventually meet the one they are suppose to be with (fate..everything happens for a reason..blah blah)...I tried to believe that but this type of advice, only seems to apply to people that don't need it--but rather need reassurance.

After the break-up...I have been and still am living the worst time of my life. I have experienced intense anxiety/depression...now mainly just depression. I know a lot of people say they go through this, but nobody feels exactly the same, and it's hard to explain, when everyone says they been there. It's been months now, and I don't know what to do anymore...I just know all my problems will fade instantly if I could get back with her somehow, but I realize that she is probably happy, and will probably never want me back. So what do I do now? I don't even know who I am or what I want out of life anymore. I am depressed, work is so slow, everything's not fun anymore and I am not motivated, because I just don't know what I want anymore. Why did this happen to me? Fate? Don't think so.


0|0
67

Most Helpful Guy

  • Sorry to be the bearer of bad news, but girls don't want a guy like you. You've got a skewed view of yourself and very little experience with relationships.

    However, the good news is you can change all of that but it's entirely up to YOU. No one else. If YOU don't want to change or feel better then it's just never going to happen (much like a lot of issues/problems in life).

    The first hurdle you have to overcome is realizing your ex-girlfriend is not the be-all, end-all perfect girl in the world. I can guarantee you that right now. The first problem is this is (from the sounds of it) your first girlfriend/serious relationship so you're going through what a lot of people go through the first time they get dumped; you feel like your life is over when really it isn't (stop being a drama queen, girls don't like that). Second, you're just sitting around moping all day and continuing to build up her "perfection" in your mind. This is a vicious cycle that you need to stop from happening. Recognize when you do this and stop yourself.

    The next step is getting some fun and enjoyment back into your life. Where are your friends and family right now? Hopefully you did not completely abandon them when you were with your ex (a common mistake in first relationships). Call them up and make plans. Spend time out of the house and with people that make you feel good. Go out and do activities or play sports that you enjoy. Anything that will get your mind off your ex for a while.

    Lastly, start meeting other girls. Get your friends to help you or use an online dating service if you're not confident enough to approach them on your own. Go on some dates so you can see everything that is out there. You probably won't find your next girlfriend right away, but it's all practice that will help you mature and gain confidence. As you meet more and more girls you will begin to see that your ex wasn't exactly the saint you've made her out to be. Soon you will be meeting girls that outclass and outshine your ex, until finally you meet the next perfect girl.

    A word of advice, don't whine about how sad/depressed you are after getting dumped with other girls. Don't play the pity card. In fact, don't even mention your ex. Everyone has baggage and everyone has been dumped by that perfect someone.

    Eventually you will begin thinking about your ex less and less until a day will go by that you do not think about her, then a week, followed by a month. You will look back one day and laugh at yourself for thinking your ex was the perfect girl for you.

    0|1
    0|0
    • A bit harsh at times but great response dude, really well-articulated.

    • I actually carry myself pretty well around people, and I am not stupid enough to tell other girls that I may be interested in, about my ex and my problems. But it's not JUST my ex...I really don't know who I am or what I want out of life anymore. Everything just seemed to hit me all at once and I feel I need to fix my life before I can enjoy myself again. I am not getting any younger and I don't know what to do.

Have an opinion?

What Girls Said 6

  • if uoi're still feeling like this in two years then it's serious snd you need to get help, but its only been a few months, that's not too long! you're still grieving, I thought I was in love with someone once, the same thing, felt like I was the only person that actually appreciated them as much as they could be, it's been two years and I can't believe I liked him that much! I realize that I was in a rut, and the best thing I did to get over him was delete him on fb, my phone and just not see him. I was civil when I saw him, but once I realized he was out of my life forever, I kinda felt happy, like now I know it wasn't as important as I thought it was, and I can move on, and I have! time heals stuff like this, seriously, just go out and be active, don't give yourself so much time to think!

    0|0
    0|0
  • You need to move on as it appears she is not coming back.

    0|0
    0|0
  • Because you still love her

    0|0
    0|0
  • Sorry it didn't work out with your ex. Honestly, it sounds as if your she has found her soul mate (in her ex). Now you just have to get back out there and find yours.

    0|0
    0|0
  • ok so I read your entire story and some of the comments you made.

    1st. You have to realize that she probably really loves the other guy as much as you love her, and leaving her be is the best love you can give her to make her happy. Hopefully that will help you leave her and find someone new!

    2nd. To get out in the game, don't talk about her but try to focus on the new girl and the new girl only or the new girl will obviously think you are still in love with your ex. You aren't really "in" love with your ex anymore because she doesn't love you back. To be in love, two people have to love each other and not just one but not the other. And you have to realize, if she really loved you, would she have left you after a year? Obviously she doesn't. Therefore you don't need that.

    3rd. What you want to do with your life is read some great self help books, that will help you to give you pointers on how to fix your self esteem and make it stronger than ever. Think like this or start to think like this "who needs her anyway? I can be happy by myself, I can take care of myself, I am strong, I am awesome with or without her... I am going to make it and make it in a happy and fulfilling way. Who needs her to be happy and to enjoy life anyway?"

    but yeah it takes time, and some good self help books with great advice!

    That's my advice to you. Let us know how it goes.

    0|0
    0|0
  • First just want to say that it is nice to hear a guy talk about a girl like this - you're right, I tend to think that all guys care about is sex. I'm really sorry about your hardships but it's nice to know that there are guys out there who have a heart.

    Second...a friend said this to me once when I couldn't get over a guy I'd fallen in love with. I never got back with him but after she said this, I felt a lot better... She said: "Love is meant to last forever..." meaning, you're not going to just "get over" someone you loved, just because the relationship is over.

    It seems like you really loved that girl...and maybe you will to some extent for the rest of your life. I say, if you can't get over her, then don't. Let yourself keep loving her from a distance, even if she doesn't feel the same and she isn't with you. Maybe eventually, you can even be happy for her.

    I think that if you start to just accept things - that you love her even if you can't be with her - you'll start to feel at peace.

    I hope this helps.

    0|1
    0|0
    • Love is meant to last forever..." meaning, you're not going to just "get over" someone you loved, just because the relationship is over... That's very deep

    • It's too hard to find someone like that. Why do people say...you will meet another that you will like better...wish life was that simple--some people never feel this way about someone...so what now? Whether I can or can't accept it is not the issue...I try but doesn't work. I wish it was not so hard to actually meet a good girl. But it is for me...don't know why.

What Guys Said 6

  • Just think about the fact that she doesn't love you back the same way. Put her out of your life, perhaps go to the places you made memories of being with her but go alone or with friends. Basically, you have to just go out there and live life, and make the things you found special about her less special.

    While you'll probably still love her for a very long time, eventually it'll hurt less and you'll be able to love someone else just as much. Trust me, I've been there. The only thing you can do is realize that she wasn't the perfect girl for you, because she didn't love you. Having the other person love you as much as you love them is just as important to consider.

    Although harshly put, listen to the Anonymous, 'bearer of bad news'. Don't take, 'Girls don't want a guy like you' as meaning girls don't want a guy who is strongly in touch with his emotions and will love his girlfriend forever- what girls don't want is to date someone who is in your condition and who won't be able to love them because they're obsessing over their ex. I mean, you just had this experience, the girl you love went back to her ex- because she was so obsessed with her ex she wasn't able to commit to you, and that's what we mean.

    Really, it'll be okay, there's nothing wrong with you as you, you just need to dust yourself off, with the moral support of your friends and family and get back on living. You're still young enough. You still have your 30s. You'll be fine. =)

    0|0
    0|0
  • I feel you pain mate, I have split up from my ex nearly a year ago we have a daughter who just turned 2. I have been trying to repair the whole thing since and yet the closer I feel we are getting to together the further away we become. She is now with someone else and they really seem to be happy. I still want her back and I want to know a way of doing this but slowly I'm am coming to terms that this might not be possible but soon as I do the weeks over and the pain returns.

    If you think you have a chance never give up but at the same time don't let this bring you down as a person, its hard to pick your self up from a real low place. Be strong and everything will become clear again.

    0|0
    0|0
  • I know exactly how you feel. When you love someone that much, the pain IS INTENSE! But you have to focus and move on. She has and you need to accept that and the only way to do that is to heal yourself. Time heals all wounds, it blows, but you will probably have this heartache for a while. Keep yourself as busy as you can. spend more time with friends and family. Confide in someone who cares about you and tell them how you feel. Talking to someone about the problem is more therapeutic than people think. If you fill your time with healthy activities, like exercise, going out to games/movies/events. (NOT DRINKING! that makes it worse and you can do something rash and stupid...trust me lol) but it WILL go away. I've felt like I was going to DIE when I had my heart broken, but time will heal the heart.

    0|0
    0|0
  • I'm sorry to hear your story but you already know their is no magic fix or answer to heartbreak. It's just a painful process that makes no sense until one day it just stops. And most people give the same advice because they've been their too. Your love for this girl is very real but no more than another persons. Your no different to the millions of other heartbroken souls out their right now. I'm not trying to sound harsh but the reassurance is their because deep down it's true.

    You will get over her and you will move on. Just remember it's only been 2.5 months. It feels like a lifetime and may do for a while longer. But you know their is nothing that we can say to heal you, it's just a crappy thing you'll have to take day by day. When I lost the girl I loved I couldn't think straight for a month. It was really intense, I couldn't go a minute without thinking about her and feeling terrible. Everything seemed pointless and I felt their was no reason to believe in anything without her. But eventually it passed and slowly got a little less painful. I still think of her ocassionally and romanticise what could have been but it feels more like a daydream and with a sigh you know it's not to be and the thought goes again. I'm sure this and every other post won't make any difference to you right now but just hang in their and ride it out like we all have too.

    0|0
    0|0
  • For some reason , I could respond to your coment. I had asked you how long were you together. DO you think she has legit reason for breaking up with you other than the ex boyfriend.? If no chances are she will question her decision and eventually come back to you. but she should not find you in the state of mind that you are in right now. you need to get out and cheer up a bit. I know itt hurts, I've been there. the best thing you can do for now is work on yourself. She is enjoying the excitement of the "NEW" boyfriend now. Being sad is not going to bring her back

    0|0
    0|0
    • Her ex was the only reason she broke it off. When she broke up...she said she loved me and if things were different, she could picture us falling madly in love with each other...and maybe one day who knows? ...Not sure if she said this to make me feel better..don't know. She also is probably moving further away for new job. She knows distance doesn't matter to me and I would go/do anything to be with her.

  • Do you want her back? How long were you two together. HOw long was she with the ex? How long were they apart?

    0|0
    0|0
    • I want her back more than anything. We were together for about a year. she broke up with me like 2.5 months ago. Recently she says he moved to her from out of state. She says they been apart for 10 years ( high-school sweetheart). I think they dated for a few years maybe, and broke up mutually.

Loading... ;