Any way to help him transition from relationship to friendship?

I broke up with my boyfriend because even though I care deeply about him, and I love him and respect him, I just don't think that in the long run he is the person I want to be with. I know it doesn't really make sense, but there's just a lot of things between us that don't work and I just feel that in the end its not gonna work out.

He told me that he loved me and didn't want anyone but me, and I told him last thing in the world I wanted to do was to hurt him but that I just didn't see it working. He asked me why, and I didn't know how to answer... the point is that while I know its not gonna work out I do care about him a lot and I don't want him to be hurt. We have classes together so I've tried to be as nice, and helpful as possible but I think he thinks we are back together... and I don't know what to do. I really don't want him to be hurt, but I just want to be alone right now. What should I do. Is there any way to make it clear to him that we are done without hurting him? is there any way I could help him make a transition from our relationship to a friendship?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Without being rude or sounding mean, your being selfish. If you ended the relationship and came to the conclusion "you love him but you don't want to be with him" this is your way of coping with a broken relationship. Truth is you don't love him the way he loves you anymore and being friends with him will only give him false hope. You need to stop talking to him for both of your sakes, but give him closure. Look deeper and explain why it really can't work. He needs to hear it to move on. For the first time in my life I have been jaded and did not get the closure I needed after 3.5 years with a girl that said she wanted to marry me. Them I got every line in the book after I was scared to commit. She wouldn't be straightforward, wanted to be friends and has hurt me to the point of severe depression, and that is not the person I ever was

    Do him a favor, give him closure... don't be friends (this is just a way to cope it hurts both parties in the end) and start to heal. Breaking up sucks, its the worst feeling in the world, and false hope makes things worst in the end. Trust me on this, I've been on both sides of the fence, hit rock bottom, and lost the person I should have spent my life with... buy no contact and closure will help him and you heal.

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What Guys Said 1

  • That's kind of like torture if he is really into you.

    Imagine if you were friends and then you meet another guy. Then he can watch as you laugh at the other guys jokes and flirt.

    Much like the end of the movie dark knight, the kindest thing you can do is

    "Be the girl he needs right now, but not the one he wants"

    meaning you have to ruin your image to him by cutting off or being a bitch to him so he will stop likeing you and move to other girls. You could do this by doing something disgusting in front of him, like farting a lot and picking your nose. Good Luck!

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    • Lol, thanks... that might be a challenge to me though. Its just I really care about him, it hurts me to see him hurt, and I can't help myself. Plus, OK so in what ways could I be a bitch to him? but... OK so I don't want to lose his friendship... he was my best friend before this whole thing.. and... well sometimes I even made the wrong thing. But then I think it over more and decide I did do the right thing.. truth is I'm confused. Any advice?

    • I have a female friend who I have been in love with in that "Worship the ground she walks on" way for the last three years. Everytime I accomplished something, I had a small hope that it would somehow make her see me as more than a friend.

      If I actually got with her, and then she left me, I couldn't bear to be around her. If you are his friend, which could happen, he will be cursed to a half-life, like those that drink unicorn blood. All girls will be invisible compared to you,

What Girls Said 4

  • I'm sorry but in the long run I don't really know any ex's that are friends mainly due to the fact that one always want more than friendship, secondly if you got a new boyfriend then he wouldn't be happy with you having a friendship with your ex and in turn that would effect your new relationship. The best thing you can do is distance yourself from him. You can't have it all its not fair on your ex that is hurting and as much as he says he wants to be your friend he doesn't he wants to be your boyfriend again. The only way boyfriend to friendship works is if you have only been together for a few months but if your talking about a year or more then chances are it won't work.

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  • what do you mean it's not going to work out? financially etc? because if you both love each other then you'd fight for it and think of ways to make it work out you know? He probably feels helpless now because you already think the future is a disaster. Now with transition from relationship to friendship. Tough for some, easy for others. It really depends on the guy and how he takes it. All you can say (if you really want to keep this decision) is just say I hope we can still be friends. And see how he reacts to that. He might be a little down or distant for a couple of weeks or months but eventually and hopefully you will end up in friendship. Be friendly when you see him etc.

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  • Dont be mean about it and continue to remind him that you care for him. One thing you have to do is spend time away from him. The seperation is the best way to heal him.

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  • I think you should just tell him...But let him know that you care and you guys can remain friends..Because if you don't tell him how you feel it will hurt him even more in the long run

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