My ex boyfriend wants to keep in touch, I love him, but is it really a good idea?

Ex boyfriend and I broke up B/c I stopped focusing on myself and so I lost sight of my goals and am actually behind in a lot of things financially and education wise. we argued a lot too because of this and also because I didn’t trust him. The reason I didn’t trust is because I had too much time to think so I messed up what could’ve been a good thing because we did have a strong love and fun together before I stopped being independent and loving.

Anyways, I have made amends and he wants to stay in touch and has been making effort to see me for months. At some point after our break up I blocked him because I was devastated, but he found a way to contact me and managed to cry and confess that he tried dating someone but that it didn’t work because he still loves me. Then proceeded to ask why I blocked him which I know I shouldn’t have, given that I really hurt him during the relationship. we made up and He says he still loves me and believes in future, but then he stopped making plans and I found out he’s dating the girl again. And now, he still texts me to causally ask how I’m doing and even calls every day... I talked to him about this and asked what’s going on and he said he doesn’t know why he still contacts me, but he said he doesn’t wanna lose me and that he loves me very much and then proceeds to deny still dating her (so as not to hurt me , I had a habit of getting v jealous and upset; of maybe they’re just on and off idk) The situation is not ideal as I personally also do not wanna date given my situation in life right now, however I am working towards bettering my life and meanwhile it seems he’s busy with someone, All while having no apparent idea why he still contacts me.. I don’t wanna cut him off. But I don’t want him thinking I will be here waiting hand and foot either. I asked him to please stop saying there’s future if he’s with someone else. He said he’s sorry he told me that we have a future , that it’s because he doesn’t wanna lose me... I don't know what to do
Updates:
I made him admit that this “future” talk was just a lie. I knew it. Because you can’t just say things like that and then go to another person. It just doesn’t make sense to me... he apologized and he said he only lied because he doesn’t wanna lose me and he doesn’t know why he’s still contacting me.
I love him so much and I’ve apologized many times about everything, I just feel really crappy about all of this. I want him to be happy but it feels absolutely terrible knowing it’s not with me. I don’t know what to do and why he keeps contacting me. I don’t feel comfortable ignoring and I don’t feel comfortable getting in touch. Wtf😭

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Most Helpful Guys

  • Play tough with him. First of all, let him know you are not dating anyone right now, so you can fix the reasons why he broke up with you. Tell him you want to stay focused on your goals and be more successful. Second, explain that IF you are going to be together, there will be no “other girl”, and no denying it. If he needs hook ups are sex, he needs to get that all out of his system before he gets back with you. If you’re not together, then he should go hook up, ‘cause once you ARE together, YOU are his ONLY well (source of sex). I think getting back together, you need to put rules and boundaries in place, in order for you to STAY together.

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  • I was in the same position, me and my ex broke up but i still loved her, but she didn't loveme anymore.
    Do not stay in contact, you keep having hopes of being together again, you'll feel conflicted being a friend when you feel like a girlfriend, and it will hurt a lot more than you can imagine when he finds a new girlfriend. You should break off contact, even though it hurts a lot, or you're just going to hurt yourself more.
    I recently met my ex in a video game by accident, and it made me feel so bad i had to stop playing because i was shaking too much and couldn't see because i was crying, that is bound to happen every day if you stay in contact

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Most Helpful Girl

  • My ex wanted to stay in contact with me after he broke it off and then regretted it pretty soon after. We tried to remain friends but he still had feelings for me and ended up messaging me saying he wanted me back whilst I was with my current boyfriend. I had to tell him that we should no longer be in contact as it was messing with my relationship.
    If he is seeing someone else and is happy then he shouldn't be messaging you. He needs to break it off with one of you, otherwise it's not fair because he's stringing one of you along or at least keeping you/her their as a back up option.

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Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 12

  • Keep in touch as friends yes. Nothing more. If you're not confident that you two can stay as friends and nothing more, than no it's a bad idea.

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  • You broke up even tho you love him and this is just completely stupid

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  • I feel ıf ıt dıdnt work the fırst tıme and u dont feei comfartable let ıt go follow ur ınstınt ıt never faıl

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  • Hmmmmm you have to leave him , looking to your self and then try to find someone who really love you

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  • Cut him out of your life. He's full of shit I promise you

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  • If your current boyfriend don't mind so keep in touch afterall u love him right 😉

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  • I would rather let the bird in the cage. And never talk back with my ex

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  • I wouldn't go there if I were you

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  • no, he broke up with you cuz u talk too much

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  • Bad idea, no.

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  • On my opinion, no

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  • If you loved him, you wouldn't be ex's

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What Girls Said 7

  • I know it hurts but I think you need to take time for yourself. I’m concerned with what you said about losing yourself during the relationship and falling behind. This may have been a concern of your ex as well. I think the best thing for you to do is work on yourself. Try finding out what happened and why you began neglecting your responsibilities. I think maybe your boyfriend is still worried about this. Maybe he feels your unstable and doesn’t want to waste time with someone who has issues. So forget about him and devote your time to yourself and making your self a better person. It’s hard to tell with your ex but he may really loves you or he might be keeping you as a 2nd choice just because he’s not sure with the other girl as well. I think you should have a talk with your ex and tell him you need time to focus on yourself and heal. You’re not interest in a love triangle. Then cut off contact and use that time to heal and make yourself a better person. Hang around friends and family that are supportive of you. Get a hobby, go out and enjoy yourself as much as you can. Even start casually dating. Nothing serious just casual. Then as time goes by working on yourself and being around love ones, going out and casually dating you will be a better person. Cut off all contact.

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  • It seems he's stringing you along. Either he dumps her, or he stops bothering you. If he won't break it off now, chances are he never will and you'll be left alone and heart broken. Keep this guy at an arms length and focus on what he's doing now, not what you had before.

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  • Just stay friends with him for now since he has a girlfriend. If you try to break them up it will make things worse.

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  • Just follow your heart... don't seek advise because every situation is unique

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  • Don't.

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  • Don't do it.

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  • I think he want you just for a booty call.

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