Can you overcome insecurity/jealousy once it is created in a relationship?

I was not insecure or the jealous type but one day my boyfriend best friend used me to solve her issues and my boyfriend turned his back on me.. he did not want to talk to me and this girl sent a screenshot of the conversation she was having with him.. i was broken.. he appeared to be so calm.. she started saying stuff like don't worry if you don't get back together I will be there for you.. I asked her if there was a chance for us to be together again and she was like.. maybe yes/ maybe no
since then I started feeling jealous and insecure.. now everytime I talk to her i can't help it.. the other day she told me to tell her any issue that crops up between my boyfriend n me, because my boyfriend listens to her.. most of the times I need to go through her to know about my boyfriend (she knows his friends more than me). Last she copies me.. told her I want to buy gifts for my bf's family she will buy too... paid my bf's taxi.. she told me she will give me half of the sum. Told her I have strong characters.. she has them too. I don't know.. what do I do? I told my boyfriend I am cutting him out because obviously he thinks of me as a jealous person now

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Most Helpful Guys

  • Whoever this girl (your friend is) she has no respect for the relationship you and your boyfriend has. She is ruining your relationship and you need to talk to buoyed boyfriend about that. Have a discussion with him and be honest. It's OK to end the relationship if no mutual compromise is found.
    It is absolutely OK for someone to value their best friend over their lover. You simply cannot tell someone else how to live their life and what bonnier important to them. If you don't like your boyfriend who values his best friend over you as a lover, then you guys are mismatched and then relationship won't work.
    Personally it's I think there's a strong chance that girl wanted to be with your boyfriend and she is actually quite selfish about it. A poor excuse to pretend to be nice and helpful.
    Whether you want to move on or you want to stay and try again it's entirely up to you. But having doubts and being insecure in this kind of situation is extremely normal for 90% of the people. So nothing you need to worry about about yourself.

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  • What is amazing is what you'll put up with for this guy. It's not about your jealousy, you simply chose wrong, time to NEXT him and find someone more suitable for you. That he already has a 'girlfriend' is a huge red flag - one or both of you is the backup plan. What's YOURS?

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    • No back up plan... sadly I chose to walk away

    • Good for you. Find a new guy, chose better.

      Choose wisely, treat kindly. __Dr. Laura

Most Helpful Girl

  • I wouldn't say this is a security or jealousy issue, this is a clear issue with communication on his end. It's not okay that he won't talk to you directly about the issues at hand, and it's a sign of immaturity on his part. Confronting both of them, at least him, is vital in this situation. If he can't be an adult about being with you, then it might be best to reconsider things anyway. Your friend is only encouraging his behavior to continue, which isn't okay. If I were her I would have told him to talk to you ages ago. One should wonder why she is okay being the middle man, and almost seems to welcome it. I can't help but think that she enjoys it on some level. All in all, talk to him about it... talk to her if you feel its necessary. If he won't hear you out and see how it's a problem, then I would cut my losses.

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    • Great analysis.. i did not think about some of things you mentioned. Left him... Thanks 🙂

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Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 13

  • please re read what you put here and ask yourself if this girl is really your friend. don't try and talk to your boyfriend through her, talk to him directly, and in person. and please! PLEASE! avoid that toxic girl.

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  • Jealousy and insecurity are 100% in your head. Either you trust and respect your partner, or you don't. There's nothing that a 3rd party can do to change that unless you LET them. If you can't turn it off, end the relationship and seek professional help.

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  • No. Security, trust, honesty, loyalty. Those are the block and mortor to the foundation of love. Without it anything built on top will surely collapse.

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  • He like your friend more because he listens to her more and not you that is not good so no you are not insecure or jealous

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  • leave them let them have each other you can do far better than all that crap

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  • Men can, women can't. They just don't have it in them.

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  • I'd say no. Once that trust is broken it will never be the same.

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  • Jealousy is a good, as long as it's healthy. I think you should get back to him if you feel you're wrong.

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  • Yes people can change and they can always do it at anytime

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  • It's very difficult better to keep yourself away

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  • Ya it will but needed lots of time and sacrifice

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  • Heck, I'm trying to figure it out myself.

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  • Absoulutly

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What Girls Said 8

  • I've been in a situation very similar to that, it's the absolute worst feeling not being able to trust your best friend and boyfriend. I had to cut all ties with her eventually because she just couldn't seem to draw a line, and broke up with my boyfriend. From my experience, she isn't a true friend to you if she's kissing up to your boyfriend every chance she gets. Your relationship should be between you and him, she needs to stay out of your business unless you ask for her help. Good luck!

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  • It sounds like his female friend has been driving a wedge between you two to further her own agenda. Im guessing that she has been misleadingly both of you so to become closer to him while still playing the role of the friendly negotiator. I dont trust women because I've seen stuff like this happen if you want to be with him he's going to have to put you first and not speak with her about your relationship

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  • That’s a reasonable jealousy to have... but a little jealous good, possessiveness is not. Talk to him and explain how you feel, if he doesn’t get it, he isn’t worth your time... :/

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    • Stop talking to him through her... cuz that’s telling her how to get into your relationship, and all your problems...

  • Don't put up with this crap!
    You will find someone better who won't let someone in between. Relationship is a strong bond which is obviously lacking from what you are saying. Find another person who values you
    Good luck

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  • you're rightfully jealous/insecure. You're right to cut him out. That friendship is toxic. In a successful relationship, you would also be his best friend. Don't waste years of your life on him, abandon ship.

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  • She's obviously telling you to report everything he says to you to keep him in check. If anything he sounds more like her boyfriend than yours.

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  • Actually you can you just have to learn how to trust each other more

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  • u deal with it.

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