Should I break it off with this guy?

So here’s a little (big) explanation as to why I’m having a hard time deciding for myself:

I’ve been talking to this guy for a while now, and we go to the same school. Throughout the entire thing I’ve been very skeptical about it becoming an actual relationship, as in dating and eventually boyfriend/girlfriend. That’s just not who I am at the moment, relationships aren’t my focus point for where I’m at and what I’m trying to accomplish. However, he’s really sweet and I can tell he’s trying his hardest to impress me. The only downside to our complicated “relationship” is that I was never pshyically attracted to him, but his personality somehow intrigued me, yet I’m starting to dislike his personality as well. He’s clingy and acts like the world is going to end whenever I stop texting him. He becomes paranoid when I’m hanging out with any guys, and even if I’m with my girls he thinks I’m with guys. It’s almost as if we were already dating. We had a short fling a few months back and after that I told him that I wasn’t interested in becoming his girlfriend. We still talk everyday, but when he asks to FaceTime or just meet up in general, I start to make up lies. I would go through our entire past but I can’t fit it all into 2000 words or less. The basics are, we became friends, he was crazy shy and barely talked to me at school, he even completely avoided me at school sometimes, we never even hung out until the beginning of summer. Then we talked and talking turned into arguing almost everyday, and eventually I didn’t mind arguing because I grew so accustomed to it. Now it’s like i lost interest, but I’m still holding onto something that probably isn’t there anymore.

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Most Helpful Guys

  • So, let me get this straight you and him were never in a relationship officially. It was more... like from a friendship trying to become into a sort of relationship. But you had a fling (only that). Girl, your situation from objectively side speaking it's pretty clear. You already said NO.. in being in a relationship with him. So, here is my opinion just call it off and shut it down with him. Talk to him and be honest to him and tell him you don't want to be in any relationship. Give him an explanation only for your reasons. And move on.

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  • If you want to salvage this you need to talk to him about the fact that, while you don't want to be mean, if he doesn't find some serious confidence in himself, on his own, you don't see any way this is going to work out. Tell him that so far he's managed to be cute with the shyness but now he needs to show that he's got a next level of manliness under it, and while it may not seem fair to him, he needs to figure it out quickly and without your help, because if you have to help him get there you're going to feel like you had to mother him into whatever manliness he finds. Tell him if this really sounds unfair to him that that's life and you're actually giving more of a chance than most women will.

    Expect an argument. Expect bitterness. Expect this to not be fun. Expect that I'm the end there's a good chance it won't work out. If he's going to learn though, someone's got to get across to him that women may want sensitivity, they don't want insecurity in a man.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • Sounds like there wasn't anything there to begin with. Break it off, sounds like a really toxic relationship. even if you guys were dating, he wouldn't have the right to freak out when you hang out with friends, even guys, let alone if you aren't an item. and you might be hurting him by staying in his life. So break things off, there's literally 0% to gain in mainting him your aquaintance.

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Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 18

  • You know, breaking up with a person is reversible action (because you can patch up), but the impact it leaves on the relationship is irreversible. So what I would suggest as a litmus test is - take a pause from all this. Just in your head, think you have broken up. And probably don't interact with him.
    If after 5 days, if you feel it is the right decision - then go ahead and break up with him

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  • You are not attracted to him and you don't like his personality, so you are hesitating because. . ?

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  • It sounds like it was good at first, but now he's developed a complex of insecurity and trust issues. Best option for you in this current situation would be to break it off.

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  • Be honest. Give it a little time. He may still be trying to hold onto something that might never have REALLY been there in the first place.

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  • Seems like you guys are better off just friends gettimg him on the same page is the hard part but if he doesn't after while there's no need for anymore communication

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  • Relationship isn't a choice it's a feeling at the moment you feel that is not working breaking up should be the solution

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  • He has low self esteem and likes you if you never find yourself liking him more than friends just let him go and dont give him dillusions

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  • "If all it brings you is pain... don't be afraid
    To let it go."
    -Toni Braxton, " Let It Flow"

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  • Be careful and stay away insecure guys are the ones that become problems

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  • I think this breakup will be good for him if he truly reflect upon it.

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  • Honestly I see myself in this guy. I've stood where he stood. My ex obviously broke up with me and gave the cliché breakup speech. If you really want to help him. Give him the hard truth. Dont try to spin that "were not meant to be" BS. There are fundamental things guys unconsciously to that kills attraction. Literally there are videos on youtube that explain it very clearly. It takes effort and time, but I can honestly say it significantly changed my experience with girls. He might hate and resent you for it. But yes you should break up.

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  • It may be too far along so that may be what you need to do, break it off. But you can still point out to him that he is acting out of line, accusing and clingy to the point you felt you had to lie to him and rebuild upon that and ask if he thinks anything about your behavior should be changed, overlook yourself and tell him you'll be able to and it's basically a promise or mission from there you two can accomplish that. Make sure he isn't just accusing again though then point it out hopefully he realizes. If he's that toxic within himself and affecting you just break it off, there could be many solutions and ending might be one

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  • I think you know

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  • Do whatever feels right

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  • Break it off for him. Sounds toxic for you both.

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  • Be honest with him

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  • It's difficult choice

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  • Break it off immediately.

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What Girls Said 8

  • Wow I had a pretty similar situation once. And it is really bad because in the moment their feelings start to rub off on you and it makes you unsure of how you feel about them... at least that’s how it was for me anyway. I agree with what hesiengarg said. Just go without communicating with him for a little while, and you’ll probably find you don’t feel the desire or need to as much.

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  • yes you should, just because of his jelaousy, I know two people who are my family friends. Husband went with his wife EVERYWHERE, he didn’t trust her at all altough she never cheated. Eventually they got divorced and they’re better off like that.

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  • You need to draw the line and let him know what your interests are. it will put him in his place. If he's annoying i would just tell him i need space and to take a break and take time to detach

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  • You need to talk to him and explain how you are feeling. He needs to understand that you don’t want a relationship

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  • I think your gonna have tell him your not into him none of excuses cause it only get worst if it don’t and it could get you hurt but maybe cause I watch to much ID.

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  • You should be friends with him if you're not ready for a relationship and if he can't support your decision move on

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  • Break up with him girl!😊

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  • Listen to your own heart. If you feel that it isn't meant to be and just wasting time, then break it off. If you really are attracted to him, then make the first move! Ask him how he sees you etc.
    Hope this helps :)

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