How can you treat someone you once loved so terribly?

My recent ex of two years dumped me with little to no warning. He got distant over something petty (that we normally would resolve no problem) And dumped me over completely fixable reasons that he deemed "personality traits" of mine. (Pretty much blamed everything on me in the end) What kills me is we had barely any issues. We always worked things through, were very happy. He was an extremely loving, sweet compassionate partner. We had always talked about how relationships were work, and that you have to be committed to fixing things. He continued to show signs of love right up until this happened. When he dumped me though... he just got nasty. Turned in to a person I had never seen before. Told me he "felt nothing". That we haven't built anything and that I "fucking nag him all the time" (which is something I always was careful not to do when expressing my concerns) Blamed me for getting rid of his bed when we moved in together! Said "there were signs, you would have seen them if you opened your eyes" It was like he was intentionally saying things that would hurt most. It crushed me. I tortured myself combing through everything for signs. Nothing stood out. Nothing added up. If anything there was just more proof he loved me. He moved out a few days later. Threw out anything that had to do with me before he left. And then I found out he's with a girl from work. Dated their relationship two weeks after he dumped me. We initially had bonded on how we had both been cheated on in the past and how we felt about it. I even asked him during the break up if there was someone else. It doesn't make any sense. I believed we were truly still in love, he certainly acted like it. I can't believe he treated me like this at all let alone, but then started dating someone else so quickly. Everyone was shocked! Even if he had feelings for someone else, how do you do this to someone you once loved? Don't our memories deserve more respect than that?

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Most Helpful Girl

  • Your memories and you yourself deserve more respect than that. I know it's hurting you right now but be thankful it happened after two years not twenty. I think about 3 sentences in I figured your boyfriend already had some girl to replace you. That's why bes being so nasty, he's got no reason really for leaving and treating you that way. People do that when they have another person waiting for them. But obviously they both lack respect for others and themselves. Would you date a guy who is in a relationship and settle for second because you're his dirty secret? Probably not, but that's the kind of girl he's got now. Be glad, try to smile through your tears and remember his cruelty is really not about you, it's a reflection of his guilty feelings. You were good enough for two years so if you're so dang bad then why did he stay that long? I'll tell you why, cuz you weren't that bad until he decided to screw some other girl. And now you're his scapegoat. Girl, ... you dodged a bullet! Celebrate and post your party pics all over and make sure you smile and mention how good it feels to be free of that turd!

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What Guys Said 12

  • Um I think that with a man like that. He sounds a lot like me in a lot of fuckin ways it's kinda creepy. But when I say a relationship is something that is built on trust, honesty, and work. I mean that I'm giving you chances and we will work through certain issues only so many times. If the same issue keeps coming back than you guys never resolved anything and he realised this decided that he was done. Now If he's as much like me as I think than breaking up with you was one of the hardest things for him to do for a multitude of reasons. So he had a choice and he picked the wrong choice and decided to go to extremes so that you would fall out of love and make the break up easier for him. And as for the cheating, if he really felt some type of way about that then he would only cheat because he knew those last two weeks or months that there was no relationship to him. There was to you but there was not for him. So he decided that he found someone he clicked with and realised it was better than fighting with you for the same reasons over and over again just trying to "fix" it. Now in regards to how you address this man. Dont be a petty, jealous bitch. If you see him in public or are forced to speak with him give him your basic respect as you would a complete stranger. Dont show your emotions cause he may try and manipulate what he sees. Just keep it civil and everything should be alright.

    No I may have upset you with some of the things I've said. So let me start off by saying what he did was wrong you should never treat someone you love or previously loved in that manner and you should have the decency to respect that person and go about ending it completely different. Secondly cheating I'd never do it because I am an emotional person and I'd kill myself by drowning in guilt about it but he will feel that later if he's ever forced to think of you again. So he was super duper wrong for cheating on someone who obviously didn't realise the issues and wanted to try. So I apologize that you had to go through this but I think you'll find someone out there who's just like you and would never do anything to hurt you because you mean that much to him.

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    • What I think I hate most is that I thought he was THAT person. We bonded over how we had both been cheated on in the past. He was the last person I would have expected to do something like this. I had wondered if it was what you mentioned. That he felt there were issues that were never getting resolved. If he did though, he never made clear to me just how strongly he felt about it. There were other indications when he left that any negatives we had were exaggerated in his head. I do somewhat regret not focusing more on our issues especially in the last months even if it wasn't clear to me how big they were to him. I was trying to change careers and was very stressed out job hunting. Which I thought he was understanding and supportive of... but clearly not as I thought. If I EVER saw him in person again (not likely) I would probably just run and try not to let him see me cry because I think that's about the only thing I would be capable of if I saw his face.

  • He probably already liked the girl from work before you broke up and his anger was just to mask the fact that he's leaving you for someone else.
    He doesn't want to feel guilty about it, so he's thinking about every little thing you did 'wrong' even if it's irrational to make himself believe it's your fault.

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  • He never had the feelings for you that you thought he did. My ex treated me like dirt the minute she told me she wanted a divorce and within a few days it was like I never existed and this was after 11 years of marriage and having a child together. You are not always with the person you think you are.

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  • Okay, cool down! Maybe he is going through a rough time thats why maybe he did what he did, according to your statement about him, I dont think he was trying to hurt you, maybe he did that because of sth he did wanted you to involve in, so, I'd recommend you to wait! Dont panic! Keep it cool, do your own thing, if he loves you, he'll come back!

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  • So I've kind of gone through a similar thing. It's kind of stupid because you should pretty much treat everyone with respect if they return it. I once loved a girl but she betrayed me and broke up with me. She wound up being a completely different person than she was when we were together. It was a huge mistake to fall for, we are still friends but we treat eachother like shit because that's what she started treating me as. Maybe he is showing his inner colors, maybe something happened to change his mind about you, himself, and the world. Most likely isn't your fault so don't fall for the blame.

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  • Love and hate is next to each other. It's very eaey to act like that

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  • Treat them by ignorance , moving on and then later on endure your pain

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  • Honestly he probably got tired of you and wanted someone else. Best to just put him in the past

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  • Probably to help him get over the fact he has a tiny penis

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  • He broke up with you, he can do whatever he wants.

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    • This has to do with HOW he left... not any actions after.

  • He's just not that Into you

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  • He was never really in love with you to start with. My ex-wife did me the same way when she moved out after nine years of marriage.

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What Girls Said 7

  • Im sorry but he might have not been happy about the relationship. You said it was a perfect relationship but maybe he didn’t feel the same way. Sometimes one party in a relationship doesn’t feel the same as the other one does. If he moved on with someone else then that’s a sign you should too. Realize now even if you get back together, things are not going to be the same anymore specially after the things he told you. Understand that it is not your fault what happened and try to move past it.

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    • Well, I never said it was perfect. I don't believe any relationship is. But I do believe in commitment and hard work. My issue is that he never showed or told me that he was unhappy. I believed he still loved me just as much as ever right up until the end. I'm also disappointed in myself that I failed to notice it, if it were there. I consider myself a pretty perceptive person in the first place and to not be able to see my partner was that unhappy kills me. Although I still love him deeply I do recognize it would never be the same. I am extremely heartbroken, but trying to move on. At this point I am just saddened that our otherwise happy memories are poisoned by how this ended. That he acted like everything we had meant nothing to him.

  • Sweetie, if what you are saying is the truth, then he is dirt. Nothing more. Don’t continue to waste your time on something like that. I get it. Love was there.
    But he’s not worth loving. So now it’s time for you to focus on you and move on

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  • It sound like he wants revenge and you hurt him somehow and he wants to do the same thing. Or maybe he cheated you all the time. But didn't want to break up so he pretended to be perfect just because he felt guilty. Anyway. Try to talk to him once. Leave him your number and tell him you wait. Let him get out this hate he has. When he will miss you. He will call you.

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  • He just leach he was with her while with you you’ll find better I been there. and I cheated when I was 19 years old. It gets better. When he point the finger at you there three pointing back at you. His just a little boy.

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  • Sounds like classic NPD. I'm so sorry you had to go through that, I went through something similar... an ex of mine broke up with me by telling me he was moving in with a girl that he wanted to make it work with... imagine the nerve right, and he was just as nasty as you're describing your ex... dont be surprised to hear from him in the next few months... he might even try telling you he loves you... I'm sorry this was sudden and so painful, its best to move forward and count your lucky stars he has moved onto another victim.

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  • Hurt can make you act horribly

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  • I am so sorry to hear this. I am in a similar situation. boyfriend of 2 years dumped me recently too and blamed everything on me. It's hard. It's SO hard and it can be consuming. But you have to take it day by day. We will never know the real reason why your ex boyfriend left it could be for another girl but you know what you don't deserve that. Most guys regret it. When they realize they left a diamond for a stone they try to come back. If he ever does, squish him like the little bug he is. try to heal the right way by feeling pain and allowing yourself to grow and trust and love again. I promise u will find someone one day who will treat u better

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