How long does it take to get over your ex?

i ended things with my ex because he has been mistreating me badly. I gave him a chance in the past and he just basically didn't learn from it so I called it quits. problem is I'm weak and he knows it. he called me twice today and I didn't pick up. but I'm hurting really badly. I canceled my email and facebook so I can stop obsessing about him. I want to know how long will it take me to get over him. today is day 1...

Updates:
im so freaking sad right now. I've been fighting the urge to call or text him. my eyes hurt from crying. how can someone who loves you hurt you so bad.
thank you so much for everyone who responded. everything insight is helping me right now. I'm still hurting very much. he just called me again and we got into and argument trying to get our points across. he even hung up on me.
day 2... woke up feeling like sh*t. I thought about calling him up and apologizing for overreacting. I want to tell him that I miss him and I love him. then I read everyones comment and it made me a bit stronger. thanks so much. I can do this...
day 3.. he called last night and sounded like he was crying. I was still sticking to my guns and went to sleep. I was doing OK up till tonight. I feel really horrible and actually called him but it went directly to his voicemail.. I feel even more worse!
day 4 and 5...i called him because it was his bday...greeted him and was actually being nice.. BUT he wasn't taking it. we just blew me off was just mean and arrogant... the next day he sent me a message apologizing and called me lots... ugggghhh!

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117

Most Helpful Guy

  • Ignore him, completely. Pretend he doesn't even exist. It's hard, but you have to be strong. Ignore his existence and focus on something productive. Focus on work, focus on a hobby, focus on working out and getting hotter to make him jealous if he ever meets you again, etc. In truth, it's been 4 years since someone I really loved, and, though I don't really love her anymore (because she isn't the same person), and there is another I'm far more interested in and feel something for, that first girl still has a place in my heart and I am not truly over her. That is, I never really got any answer, I never got any conclusion, I never got anything, but pain and confusion, so that kinda keeps me partially not over it. Specially since my personality, even though I know I should, just can't forgive or drop or forget anything. I just can't seem to let anything go unless there's a real conclusion. Bah...

    So ya, stay strong, ignore him, focus on yourself.

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What Guys Said 6

  • I wish someone could tell me too. Only in my situation I am in a different position. My ex girlfriend who I love has issues getting over her first love. The thing is we are so good together and she knows it herself but she won't let go of him. In the past two years and four months she has broken up with him at least 6 times or more and it just isn't working everyone can see it except her. He treats her really bad and takes her for granted and knows how forgiving she is so he always uses it against her, when ever they break-up he will wait a few weeks and ask her to take him back, usually by this time her mood is better and she is happier because she has been with me but then she drops me and goes back to him cause she misses him and thinks he will treat her as well as I do but it never happens. I just can't understand after all this time why she can still go back to a guy like that. It hurts me because not only do I love her but I don't like seeing her being mistreated.

    I once confronted her ex to give him a piece of my mind and he went to her and lied to her about it making me out to be the bad guy and then she was angry at me. Women say they want mature guys yet they always defend there little boys and are not mature enough themselves to leave bad relationships. I eventually got the courage to stay away from her. It hurts like hell but there is no other option.

    My advice is that guy doesn't love you, he doesn't care about you, you are nothing but a toy to him because you always come back and he knows that. A guy like that will never have respect for you or take you seriously. Harsh but it's the truth just like I had to learn to let go you must do the same no one said it would be easy. Trust me there are better guys out there willing to treat you like a queen. You just have not met the right one and when you do GIVE HIM A CHANCE! Please for your own good and for my well being don't go back to him, you will regret it further.

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  • well lady been through that a lot like a lot of times. like today this day I'm kinda of sad still tryin to get over it I broke up with my ex on christamas eve so basicly she had a bad christams I goota make it up to her even though she doesn't want to talk to me but screw it you do what you gotta do. but the first time that we broke up with my x well us we went through a lot of crap she basicly cryed her eyes out because she missed me that much and then I broke up with her on Christmas so basicly I'm dead. but look your tears hurt yeah they do love is evol llok at me I kinda don't believe that love exist because of the crap that I have goone with her but basicly time is just is how much you want this. depression is going to hit you like really believe me I feel depress still from the first time it really comes hard. don't worry you got like 15 days already don't worry everything might come out to something else don't worry because he called you he still likes you so me I'm going to call my ex today hope that after today she ain't going to be my ex just goota do what you gotta do

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  • A coulpe of shots lol

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  • How long does it take to get over YOUR ex?

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  • It will take a while but it will lessen. Usually the first month is the worst in my experience. The first 2 weeks are the hardest and will take all your willpower not to contact each other but it will feel a little better after that. Then month by month will feel less painful and will probably be replaced by lonliness/ emptiness. By 3-4 months I'll normally still miss them but won't be hurting or thinking about them all the time.

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  • Well I was with my ex for 3 years.She broke up with me 6 months ago , moved on to someone else. She contacted me recently and let me know that she has not gotten over me. Even though she's the one who dumped me , she still cries over it. Tells me that it's going to take her a while. If he was significant in your life, you won't be able to forget him, real love last for ever. All you can do is learn how to live without him. As for me It will take a long time before I can stop thinking about her every second of the day. I am slowly adjusting to life without her but I will never forget her.

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    • no matter what you do don't get into a rebound relationship thinking it's going to help you. My ex did that even tho she's the one who dumped. the rebound didn't work out because she was still atached to me. when it failed it brought her back to day 1 after our break up. I moved on faster than she did. because while I was trying to get over her just by focusing on myself, she was covering her feelings by being with someone else. as soon as she dumped the rebound all these feelings came rushing back!

What Girls Said 11

  • Hey doll. I was very sorry to read your post & I hope that you can find some peace during such a difficult time. As for the time frame it takes to get over someone, it all depends on the relationship. I'm 6 months out of a relationship. Some days are good. Others are not so good. I still love him deeply. And I know he still loves me because he's told me. Some things have happened since we parted ways & we both know we'll never get back together. But on to your situation, no one can tell you how long it will take to get through this horrible time. But I know one thing for sure, you have to get up & shower & do your hair & makeup every day as though nothing has happened. I know its easier said than done but the more you try to maintain a sense of normalcy, the better you will be. Also, you have to turn off any songs on the radio that might jog your memories of him. Get rid of any memoirs of him that might be around the house. Don't go anywhere he might be. If you have any level of relationship with his family members, cut them off. Severing all ties is the best way to go if you really want to get over things. Now there is a down side to all of this...sometimes there are people that you never really get over. You just learn to be without them. I never really wanted to love someone that much. But I found a person that was my soul mate & loved me for who I was & I loved him but we had a whole lot of problems. Jealousy & betrayalspiraled out of control & ended our relationship. Despite that, I know we had a great thing & were best friends as well as lovers. But sometimes love just isn't enough to keep two people together. Anyway, good luck doll! I hope everything works out for you.

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  • Stay strong. He is counting on you being weak and taking him back. Prove him wrong. Good idea in cancelling your email and FB. Call your phone company and give them his number and say you want it blocked.

    I recently broke up with my boyfriend and he wanted to guilty trip me into staying with him. I too had given him a chance previously and about a week later we were back to the same old problems.

    Unfortunately there is no set time on getting over someone. Best advice is to get him off your mind. Go out with friends, clean the house, buy something nice for yourself. And if he does creep back into your mind, remind yourself why you broke up with him.

    Good luck :)

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  • Stop sitting in idle alone. Go to a local bar & have a couple cocktails with a girl friend or go spend the night @ your parents or something. It is absolutely unhealthy to spend a lot of time alone when you're going through this type of thing. Thanks for the update & good luck, doll! You can do it! Stay strong... :)

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  • I don't even know why you keep updating this. It is clear that you want this relationship back. Maybe you should just go back to him. Clearly you don't have a desire to leave this situation in the past.

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  • These seem like some unhealthy mental games you are both playing. You cannot control him but you can control yourself. You should make up your mind as to what you want to do: be with or without him and then stick to your guns. If you are going to be without him, cut all ties and don't relapse. Being with him is not just your decision. You will have to work through all his mixed signals and his own games. So ultimately you may end up having to decide to go solo.

    To answer your question, I think the truth is that you may (or may not) get over it completely...in time. That time (there is no magic formula) needs to be used positively for your mental benefit. Get involved in a hobby or a new business. Get busy. When you occupy your time with the positive, really time demanding things, you will one day look up and say, "Oh yeah, I kind of miss him," and get right back into what you were doing. The trick is, it needs to be something that is positively and genuinely taking up your time and interest, not just busy work. What about exercise? A good hard run may boost your dopamine levels and inspire your thoughts and ideas. Mastering a new skill or starting a business will boost your self esteem and you won't feel you need him as much.

    The other thing you need to realize is that you may always love him. It needs to be acknowledged, understood, and ultimately...controlled.

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  • So sorry about this for you, but you are so much better off without this douchbag. Just don't disappear, get out and move on with the rest of your friends.

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  • 5 months out of a 5 year relationship here. Doesn't feel any different than day 1. Sorry, I guess it depends on the person.

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  • it took me 2 days to get over an ex, cause I relized we were not ment to be. but an ex I really loved I'm still not over him. it depends on the guy and how close you were on your relationship

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  • u talk like a battered women : (

    dont let a fool treat you bad homegurl! no ones deserves that.. anywho .. i say it takes twice as long. keep yo head up.. i think you should call ur friends whenever you want to call him : )

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  • I have heard that the length of time you were in the relationship, that's the amount of time it will take to get over it once you call it quits. Don't know if this is true or not, but it seems to be.

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  • its been two years .. still not over it. I think its just cause my ex was really messed up. he broke up with me because he liked my best friend. not only she was my best friend but she was the one who introduced us

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