My Ex Cheated on me but she wants to "think" about having me back? Huh?

To make a long story short, my ex cheated on me. We were together for 5 years and I did not know during that time that she was e-mailing other guys online. I accidentally found these e-mails and felt devastated since they were sexual and romantic in nature and from dating sites. (I am a woman too). She told me that she was confused about her sexuality and she felt e-mails were a good way to explore her questions without cheating on me. I felt it was a LAME excuse but I bought it some what because in the e-mails I culd tell she refused to give out her number or meet them in person. Anyway, the third year of our relationship she is hospitalized for clinical depression. I took her to the hospital, and I did NOT leave her. I really did love her and I was not going to leave her just because she was depressed. To my surprise, I felt she was pushing me away. If her friends said something mean about me she would be on their side. If her friends treated me bad, whcih they did many times, she would be on their side. I didn't understand it. I felt I was in a relationship with my biggest enemy. After so much torT I got away from her and the second I said I could not deal with her anymore, she told me "BTw, two years ago I went out with this guy from church and we kissed and I'm really sorry." I felt she said thaT JUST to STab me even worse...>>>Now that we are broken up, she says she needs "space" to figure out her feelings for me becAUSE SHe STIll says she loves me and wants to be with me "some day" when she is ready. She treats me like "I" was the one that cheated and she needs to think things through. She turns the tables around...I told her I want NOTHing to do withh her ever again and she leaves 4 voice mail messages on my phone *that I did not listen to...I don't understand this woman. I treated her great, was there for her even in the darkest times, and she makes me feel like every time "I" need something from Her that it's liKE "how dare you ask me anything"...or I get an answer lIKE "let me think about it...and you are too needy or I'm smothering her..>>>I'm a very independenT PERson but I feel when in the pasT I needed ANYTHIng I was aotumatically on the needy card...I don't understand...what did I do to deserve this nonsense? I was truly clueless to this side of her...how can someone say they love you but nothing shows that? She still thinks we could get back together when she sorts out her feELINGS...Hell NO


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Most Helpful Girl

  • You didn't do anything to deserve that. From what you've said, she sounds really confused and honestly, she's taking you for granted. She might take comfort in the idea that you're going to get back together later, but once she realizes that you're not, I'm sure there's going to be some kind of breakdown. You might not witness it, but when it clicks with a person that they've really lost someone that they care about, it hits hard. If she REALLY cared about you at one point, it'll click.

    I'm sure you treated her beautifully and tried to help when she was at her lowest, but unfortunately, there's no way to force someone to appreciate everything you've done for them.

    I was in a very similar relationship to the one you just described and it damn near killed me on the inside every-time he went out with "friends" and came back apologizing. His excuse? He needed to "get it out of his system."

    It hit him HARD a couple of weeks after he broke up with me the final time and I decided to sever contact with him.

    I couldn't bear the thought of leaving him, but after he was gone I realized how horrible he and his friends were making me feel and how much he took me for granted. It seems that she and her friends were doing the same to you and honestly, there's no one in the world worth that feeling of self-disgust. I'm not going to pretend it doesn't suck, because it does and I hope you've realized by now that her behavior doesn't have any kind of reflection on you. I can tell that you really cared about her and I think your only problem - OUR only problem - was not breaking up with them sooner.

    I'm really sorry that happened to you.

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    • Thanks Nick. I realize what you say is true and I can tell you understand since you went through this. I definitely over-stayed in this relatonship by three years. Sad, considering we were together for five years. Yes, she almost destroyed me which taught me an important lesson. Thanks for your response. I appreciate it.

    • I'm glad to have helped a little.

      It's a horrible thing to do and I wouldn't wish it on anyone so it makes me really sad to hear it happening to others. I think the worst part was dragging their friends into it. It makes the struggle really unfair and kind of invades the privacy of the relationship. Three years is a long time to be struggling. You put a lot of effort into your relationships and one day you'll stumble on someone very special who appreciates and reciprocates that care and effort.

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  • Okayyy well I didn't read the whole thing because it's way long but from what I did read shouldn't it be you THINKing about getting back with her if she's the one that cheated? You should have the mind set that shed be lucky if you decide to let her have another chance. Which I personally don't really think you should let her have.

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