Can you love somebody that doesn't love you back?

A lot of friends tell me that Its not possible, that what I feel is just lust or infatuation. But honestly I don't know, I don't feel like it is.

The obligatory long story: I've known this girl for a long time, but only started to talk to her for a couple of years. Before you do ill say it: Yes I know I'm in the friend zone but that's not the point.

Until a year ago I never thought this girl was pretty. Before I started talking to her I noticed there was something odd about her eyes, the way she looks at people, it bothered me and made me uncomfortable. Not creeped out, just, aware of her. Like I remembered her if you mentioned her name, and the first thing that popped in my mind was her eyes. But I never thought, damn she is pretty, or cute, or, I like her. There was just something unique about her. She is not ugly, just plain. Before I get bad comments, I know back then I was superficial I know it was a mistake and I regret it.

After getting to know her, I started noticing that I enjoyed spending time with her, had fun, but nothing sexual about it. I started treating her like a little sister. But the uneasy feeling about her kept comin back. Then I started liking the sound of her voice, and specially her laugh. I kept thinking, Do I "like" her? But I kept feeling weird about it because, we were already friends, and I kept thinking I wasn't attracted to her looks. After a while I kept discovering things about her personality that I liked, and even the things that I didn't like I found cute. Hell I started to even like her smell. But I kept having this weird feeling about her, only I gradually started to like the uneasy feeling. One day I saw a picture of her and then I thought she was pretty. Then I saw her in person after this and thought, no wait, I think she is beautiful. I have no idea why this happened, I just know it did. Call me superficial or jerk, after this I felt that I truly liked her, but knew it was probably too late. I kept it quiet, but she kind of figured it out and got scared. Stopped talking to me, and avoided me. I told her I wasn't going to try anything but she kept away. I never told her I thought I was in love with her. After 4 months of not seeing each other. I thought I was over her. We met again, she was cool, like nothing happened. But the moment I heard her voice I felt a good feeling and a bad feeling, like a hole in my chest, got nervous but kept it cool on the outside. I confessed to a mutual friend that I still loved her, that once I heard she got sick and felt so bad she was crying I felt horrible and worried and tried to find out if she was OK, but she was still avoiding me.

My friend told me I was just infatuated. That It couldn't be love because I was never in a relationship with her. That it was only physical. I never told this friend how I came to like her. I don't think shell understand. Hell I don't even know if its really love. I just know I can't get her out of my mind and how stupid I was bef


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What Girls Said 2

  • you can, but it's not called "in love".

    you can love them, you know... think good of them, want to be with them, treat them nice... and love them... sure.

    but you can't be "in love" with them unless they loved you the same back.

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  • It's never stupid to have someone on your mind. Sometimes the other person is just too committed elsewhere, that's all. Usually the DO reciprocate your feelings!

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