I always want what I can't have- WHY!? and how to stop!?

I get attached too quickly... but don't really recognize it. Then if something happens and the guy quits liking me or doesn't want to pursue things anymore- I become absolutely devastated. When they like me- it's not that I treat them bad- I'm a great girlfriend, I just feel I get bored and kinda distance myself emotionally.

I care about EACH of my ex-boyfriends like crazy and actually the break ups were all mutual- but I always find when they start to move on that I get very depressed. Even if I don't want to a relationship with them in the first place.

Does anyone else have this problem? I'm sure its a path of perpetual unhappiness unless I figure it out.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Your still very young! have a whole life ahead, I know hard to grasp, but your going to go through allot of challenges that are never what you need or seek ? you just go with it because it gives you happiness at the time? but focus on what keeps you above the normal! communication is going to be the most important tool to your happiness. if he can't communicate then your not going to remain a good feel to you? but if he the great communicator and can develop your trust your feelings for anything will disappear and your bore dum with be filled with spending intimate and fun times together and your lives will be fuller .

    Also don't forget about your independence and your girl friends may want to influence this but your own decision is what defines you! right?

    Apply yourself and what allows to you to feel good inside and once your self happiness has returned you can feel better about starting those feelings for some one. you have to mend your heart and direction of what is really important.

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What Guys Said 8

  • wow some different advices here here's another to confuse the whole matter...theres nothing wrong with being attached to quickly that is who you are and it should be respected if you distance yourself emotionally then the boy should understand this and learn to give you what you need wether its space, time or need them to push through that barrier and communicate with you I think if a guy can't do this for you then there not the person you should be with you need to find someone who will respect you for who you are and learn to help with anything you need as for being depressed and things that to is natural I think the reason for this is because in some way without realising it you feel your to blame for being on your own and you can't change it you feel that they are moving on when you can't find someone and when you do they leave you its not your fault honestly people should take you and love you for who you are and you will find someone soon honestly :) just keep your chin up and your head held high and say to yourself I am who I am and if a guy can't accept it or handle it then its not ment to be but I will find someone as there is someone out there for me who will love me no matter what and it will be a great experience searching for him :)

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  • usually people learn from their mistakes by remembering the emotions they feel when something happens, you touch a fire, you feel a burning emotion, and you remember the burning emotion next time.

    I find sometimes women enjoy emotion, bad or good as long as it is intense... perhaps take some concious control and steer yourself into more positive emotions, kinda like taking a drug, as soon as you take the drug you need to let go but you still have a choice of which drug to take or to take the drug at all, what that emotion is going to be, I'd don't know, maybe take up skydiving or read some romance novels and find focus on romance?

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  • Ugh this is the story of my life. I like a challenge so as soon as a girl makes it known that she's interested or that I could have her whenever I wanted, I instantly lose interest in them. Because I like a chase I tend to go for girls who aren't interested in me like that because they don't show that they are, and almost always end up getting rejected lol. It's a vicious cycle that I haven't found the solution to yet. I guess you can't help who you like so just keep doing what you're doing and eventually it will work out.

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  • im honestly a lot like you when ever I'm in a relationship I get attached too quickly and the cause is that we just need some one PERMANENT too love. ya it does take time too find that perfect some one but remember that dating isn't always the answer to finding out who you like or don't , you can go out for coffey or invite some friends and invite that guy you were interested in and hang out like teenagers say.

    and you don't have too take my advice there hundereds of people out their with their opinion but the best way to find out is by being alone some time and doo some soul searching and ask your self and like always your heart will say something and its always right too

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  • you have a self-esteem problem and always want to het hurt because you find pleasure in that if you know what I mean. Think things more rationally and your world would be much better.

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  • yup that's me in a nutshell preety much. after like 5 hard hits I just ditched my heart and went like emo now I got like 2-6 people who want me but they don't look that good.

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  • i would say distant yourself emotionally.as for physical idk

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  • I have a friend like you and she is a little borderline. Fear of being abandoned. I don't know, maybe get a few self help books and work out some issues...

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    • I so agree with you! I have that fear of abandoned I feel exactly how she does. I want them when I can't have them, don't want them when I do. and all these fears it's we want something real, but yet so scared when we get them we don't want them. Just fear of being the one left alone I guess

    • Actually, I even think that ties in for people with fear of rejection, too. Basically, they're both fears about a failed romance. Nobody likes a broken heart, and that can be so scary to some people that they bail out before anything has a chance to happen...whether it's good OR bad. Maybe some therapy or support can help get them through that, since when they learn that rejection won't kill them, they can go about dating successfully.

What Girls Said 10

  • I honestly think that WE ALL feel this way, and we've all gone through something like this at least once in our life. What I used to do is in a relationship where I was comfortable, and head over heels with a guy- I'd give my ALL for a relationship to work, and than I think it's the guy that gets bored. So now, I learned to give as much as I get, and it seems to be working. Good luck.

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  • Yes at least you know the direction you are heading and hopefully you will find a way to correct the problem very quickly as time is moving quickly for you.

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  • Ah, this is so me! But I'm learning not to have expectations, be in the moment, enjoy it for what it is, and just have fun! And whatever is meant to be, well, you know! ;-)

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  • I don't know, but you should try to get over this. It's not about getting what you want, but wanting what you've got.

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  • I don't think that it's just you, girly. When you find the right guy you won't have this problem. All of your other ex boyfriends will not matter anymore. It's just jealousy. I HATED one of my ex's, but I still got jealous as he would tell me about the new girl that he liked, but that's just because he told me "I love you" for a year and then all of a sudden he's moving on only a month after we've broken up. Mind you, I already had a boyfriend a week later.

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  • It's human nature to want what you can't have. The only thing that you can really do is work to try to get the best things in life, or appreciate the things that you can get.

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  • I'm like this I have a fear of losing people that I care about but I get bored when I'm in a relationship. I think I do it because I don't want get hurt because of how quickly I fall and to avoid fallin too deep.

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  • I think you need to work on yourself before you can date. It doesn't seem like you know what you want

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  • You haven't found the right person yet. There is no way you would distance yourself emotionally from someone you totally click with.

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  • I used to have this problem. And now I realized, that I was just not really ready for a relationship...I thought I'd be..but I wasn't. I took some time off dating/seeing guys at all. You can think of making a list "pro/contra", what are you looking for in a guy/relationship and what do you not?

    And do not go out and look around "who could be the next possible candidate". The guy who knocks you off your feet will find you, or better you will find you each other. And yes, if I would have gotten, a Dollar each time somebody told me that out there is the somebody, I'd be damn rich by now - but I am not :)))

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