Never physically cheated, yet I emotionally cheated on my boyfriend.

I just found out in the past four days that while I have never physically cheated on my boyfriend of 9 months, I am guilty of emotionally cheating by allowing myself to check out other men and have let (2) men while I was in the bar buy me drinks and flirt even after I told them I had a boyfriend. The other guy was my bus driver who broke the rules of fares and gave me free food, and I allowed this because I knew he thought I was cute and he had a girlfriend and knew I had a boyfriend. The guy at the ferry landing I talked to for too long even after telling him I had a boyfriend and I stopped when I realized that I was sending the wrong signals.

The worst was when I considered the idea of having sex with an old fling and was flirting with him and he invited me and a table of friends to an after party. I realized at that point that my boyfriend and I had been fighting badly and if I did sleep with the old fling I would have to break up with my boyfriend because I would not be able to go back to my boyfriend after being with an other man. I could never do that to him. However, I now realize what I was doing was emotional cheating, that I was considering sex with an other man while in a relationship and now how wrong and damaging that is to my boyfriend. We have been completely honest about all of this over the last four days and I am devastated to learn that emotional cheating is worse in a way than physical cheating. We both want to work this out and he has shown what a good man he is to admit his hurt and right to break up with me, as I understand would be his right to do. I want to make this work, and he wants to make this work.

The question is how? We have used the brutal truth aspect and it has left us both hurt and with a hollow space in our hearts. Now that I know the difference of emotional vs. physical cheating I will never emotionally cheat again...how can I make him know this and trust me again? Or have I done too much damage


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What Guys Said 1

  • What you did would cause me to never trust you. Once you were think about sex with your fling you had already cheated. Just not sex. But it isn't a big difference. You were not acting like you deserve a relationship or anything like it. Hiding it just proves you don't care about him and I have no idea how you convince a man after that to trust you.

    Fact is you proved you should not ever be trusted. It wasn't even a year. And you seem to blame him, if you mean to or not. YOU made the mistake. Not him.

    Trust you? I think you are asking too much. I've been where he is. I just believed it was only emotional. I was wrong. If you did one what stops you from the other? You seem so sure this other guy would sleep with you. I wonder why.

    It's not your boyfriend. He is just the guy you are sleeping with. You aren't giving him a relationship, why expect one back?

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