I've been with my girlfriend for 3 1/2 years and we were talking about marriage. I've been good to her and she has been good to me. She didn't cheat on me in the conventional way as she didn't actually sleep with anyone but she made money on the weekends by driving her stripper friend to shows. She finally just admitted to me that she has been stripping occasionally too for the last 2 years. I feel like I don't know her because the person I thought I knew could NEVER do that. It really hurts and even more so that she was able to lie to me about it for so long. I had suspicions and asked her before but she always said I need to trust her and have some faith in her. I still love her to death and she says she's in love with me and she's sorry and ashamed and isn't doing it anymore, but if your in love with someone, how could you do this to them? she said it was just because she didn't know how else to help her financial burdens, even though I've OFFERED her money all the time but she said it was not necessary. Low and behold, she's taking her clothes off at parties for it instead. She said that it was "for us" and she didn't want to take MY money because I have kids to support. I feel so betrayed. She says that she feels disgusted by herself and wants to be the good girl that she was and she didn't mean to hurt me blah blah blah. I adore this girl but I don't know how to get over this. Am I overreacting? Does anyone think this isn't such a big deal as I think it is? Can she change her ways of lying to me and can I ever trust her and be with her again? I ask myself these things and I'd appreciate some input especially if someone has gone through something similar. What do you all think about this and what should I do? She's been a great person except for this and a few other honesty problems.
Most Helpful Guy
I can see where you felt betrayed and think this is a big deal; I'd probably think the same thing. But the truth is that your probably never going to find out exactly what went on during those 2 years. She could tell you a lie or she could tell you the truth, either way you wouldn't know what to believe because during those two years you were "having faith" that SHE was telling YOU the truth.
My opinion is that you should give just a little bit more than what your willing in an effort to see if someone has truly changed. If she hasn't given up the job (or is still driving her friend out there) offer to come with her and see if she rejects the offer (if so, you know she still has the job) and if she says she still has to work, don't overreact.. She showing you the honest side so praise her for that (Tell her you'd like to be there while she works).. It'll show her that you care about what she does and that you aren't mad but that you are protective of your girlfriend.
If you freak out and break up with her (without having any facts that she cheated, only that you feel betrayed) then you're throwing away this 3-1/2 year relationship for nothing; in my opinion.. I think it's best that you try to see where the other person is coming from. If you disagree with that, I think it's humble to say: "Look, I thought you were a different type of girl and I'm going to have to end this".. but like you said yourself, you are wanting to get over this. Give it the patience you have and see if she's changed. If she hasn't -> Move on.. If she's trying to -> Stick around. And if she already has changed (for the better) -> Stop worrying about the situation so much ;D
P.s. I still haven't found a way to "forget" about these types of situations where we feel betrayed/hurt/etc.. My advice on what seems to be working is called the Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz.. It's life altering knowledge.. You can read about it for free at www.toltecspirit.com ( link
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