My girlfriend cheated on me but I still love her; what should I do?

I've been with my girlfriend for 3 1/2 years and we were talking about marriage. I've been good to her and she has been good to me. She didn't cheat on me in the conventional way as she didn't actually sleep with anyone but she made money on the weekends by driving her stripper friend to shows. She finally just admitted to me that she has been stripping occasionally too for the last 2 years. I feel like I don't know her because the person I thought I knew could NEVER do that. It really hurts and even more so that she was able to lie to me about it for so long. I had suspicions and asked her before but she always said I need to trust her and have some faith in her. I still love her to death and she says she's in love with me and she's sorry and ashamed and isn't doing it anymore, but if your in love with someone, how could you do this to them? she said it was just because she didn't know how else to help her financial burdens, even though I've OFFERED her money all the time but she said it was not necessary. Low and behold, she's taking her clothes off at parties for it instead. She said that it was "for us" and she didn't want to take MY money because I have kids to support. I feel so betrayed. She says that she feels disgusted by herself and wants to be the good girl that she was and she didn't mean to hurt me blah blah blah. I adore this girl but I don't know how to get over this. Am I overreacting? Does anyone think this isn't such a big deal as I think it is? Can she change her ways of lying to me and can I ever trust her and be with her again? I ask myself these things and I'd appreciate some input especially if someone has gone through something similar. What do you all think about this and what should I do? She's been a great person except for this and a few other honesty problems.


Most Helpful Guy

  • I can see where you felt betrayed and think this is a big deal; I'd probably think the same thing. But the truth is that your probably never going to find out exactly what went on during those 2 years. She could tell you a lie or she could tell you the truth, either way you wouldn't know what to believe because during those two years you were "having faith" that SHE was telling YOU the truth.

    My opinion is that you should give just a little bit more than what your willing in an effort to see if someone has truly changed. If she hasn't given up the job (or is still driving her friend out there) offer to come with her and see if she rejects the offer (if so, you know she still has the job) and if she says she still has to work, don't overreact.. She showing you the honest side so praise her for that (Tell her you'd like to be there while she works).. It'll show her that you care about what she does and that you aren't mad but that you are protective of your girlfriend.

    If you freak out and break up with her (without having any facts that she cheated, only that you feel betrayed) then you're throwing away this 3-1/2 year relationship for nothing; in my opinion.. I think it's best that you try to see where the other person is coming from. If you disagree with that, I think it's humble to say: "Look, I thought you were a different type of girl and I'm going to have to end this".. but like you said yourself, you are wanting to get over this. Give it the patience you have and see if she's changed. If she hasn't -> Move on.. If she's trying to -> Stick around. And if she already has changed (for the better) -> Stop worrying about the situation so much ;D

    P.s. I still haven't found a way to "forget" about these types of situations where we feel betrayed/hurt/etc.. My advice on what seems to be working is called the Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz.. It's life altering knowledge.. You can read about it for free at ( link

    ~ ArtistBBoy


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What Girls Said 1

  • don't get your panties in a bunch. You're a great person, if she hasn't cheated on you, tell her that you'll support her no matter what. Even though you're together, she doesn't want to rely on you because she knows that you have others to support. Chill with it, chances are even though she said she stopped, she probably didn't, just tell her you trust her and that you support her. The job didn't change her character so why would you let it bother you.

    • I think I'm mostly concerned that her conscience didn't guilt her into telling me about it for 2 years. What kind of person can live with the guilt as she said she felt terrible about betraying my trust. I feel that maybe she's not the person she seems to be but its just all an act. I'm just still hurt so maybe I am being sensitive, but when she's taking her clothes off for strangers, I don't know how to feel about that.

    • you kind of are being sensitive to the whole situation, chances are that you set something off that kept her from telling you, I doubt that she feels guilty about the job itself, but the fact that she wasn't able to tell you because of the fear of what you would think about her. A job is a job, especially considering the economic downturn, if you don't like her taking her clothes off for strangers offer to help her find a new job.

What Guys Said 2

  • Man, I feel for you I just recently dealt with a lying/betrayal issue myself with a similar type of conversation occurring though a different kind of issue. From my own recent experience it may come down to the fact that she is a different person when she is with her friend who strips then she is when she is with you. Does she get really defensive and upset any time you criticize or question her "Friend"? I can tell you straight up that if she continues to drive that girl and hang out with her its probably going to continue behind your back along with whatever else may or may not have been going on. You need to decide if you can put up with her stripping if you can't then tell her straight up to stop, that you don't want her hanging out with that girl anymore or driving her. If she loves you and wants to be with you then she'll agree and stop. If she refuses to give up the "bad influence friend" then end it because so long as that friend is in her life she will continue to lie to you behind your back when she is with her. She has shown you that her friend does not respect your relationship, she has shown you that she is not capable of telling her friend "no". If you can get rid of the friend you should be alright, if you can't you are just setting yourself up for more hurt.

    • she actually always talks crap on this girl, she's not so much a friend as it was just a job driving her at first and before she even admitted she was stripping she has been saying that she wants that girl out of her life.

    • Then like I said tell her to stop and cut all ties with that girl if she wants to be with you. But don't try to talk yourself into being okay with her doing it if you're not. Otherwise you will be sitting at home all night with the thoughts eating away at you and you will be miserable. Respect is important and she was the one who did wrong not you. Don't change your needs for her deception if you back down and say your OK with it she may lose respect for you and then that will make it worse.

  • You are right to feel betrayed.

    And to be completely and utterly honest with you. From what I have seen and heard, many strippers go beyond simply taking off their clothes.

    Some girls and can make good money by simply taking off their clothes, but they are in the minority. If a girl is a stripper and she is having to compete with other strippers there is a very good chance she is going to have to do SOMETHING. Are all the girls straight up whores? No. But most of them do do "extras" such as HJs or BJs.


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