Would you date a person who was recently in an abusive relationship?

Making this a gender neutral question. Would you be willing to emotionally support/lift up a broken partner?

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Most Helpful Guys

  • I would be very hesitant to get into a relationship like that. Too many women, once hurt, automatically think all men are like that and therefore men and sex and anything masculine is toxic to them. Starting out in a new relationship is nerve wracking enough without having to walk on eggshells too all the time or constantly being worried she thinks I am going to rape her all the time.

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    • Yikes dude... this seems to me like a personal problem for you maybe people worry you're going to rape them because you come off creepy and hostile like you do here?

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    • @Bananaman177 Yep, too easy sometimes. I hope she gets the help she desperately needs!

    • I wouldn't bet on it.

  • Maybe I'm kind of an asshole but I would have leaned towards "no". Friendship would be something I'd entertain more easily. But I don't wanna be a rebound or a therapist to a girl.

    My rules were dating were rather simple like, "Do I enjoy spending time with this girl more often than not? Does spending time with her relieve stress or cause stress more often than not?" And if the answers are favorable for both questions, then I like to stick around. But if they're negative for both, I generally don't want to hang around for long unless things really look to be changing for the better.

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    • My rules [/for] dating were rather simple like, "Do I enjoy spending time with this girl more often than not? Does spending time with her relieve stress or cause stress more often than not?

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    • I do still remember carrying her through the snow in Disney Land, as she fainted after a ride, and I remember looking down so fondly while carrying her to the hotel... and I'm not sure if it was vanity for feeling so important in looking after her, or if I genuinely fell for this frail thing in my arms... but in the end I felt very foolish. But I have a tendency to fall for broken things, I find so much humanity there, and it's actually something I have to resist. Because otherwise I'll find myself taking care of them all the time, and getting little in return.

    • Oh sorry, I got all drunk and rambly yesterday! But anyway, I haven't had the best experiences with this sort of type, so I might be a bit guarded there... I'd err on the side of friendship first to put it briefly. :-D

Most Helpful Girls

  • Well, not all people who have left an abusive relationship are “broken”, and do not need to be lifted up or supported.
    Yes, this would be the case if the victim has just recently left the relationship, and has not yet had time to grieve and heal.
    However, if the person has had a good portion of time to recover, reflect, and move forward from their previous relationship, then the chances are high that they will be one of the strongest, resilient and most courageous people you’ve ever met.
    The reason I say this is because I was in an incredibly abusive relationship. I know that if i’d Entered another relationship straight away, then I would have become dependant on him for my self worth and confidence, as I still would be been very fragile.
    However, I did everything I could to recover, which included nurturing myself, surrounding myself with people who love and support me, reflecting, intense counselling, praying about it, going on a holiday, looking after myself physically, and getting back into my hobbies. Oh, and another thing I did was stay away from any kind of dating for a full 12 months.
    And now, 12 months later, I’m so glad that I took the time to fully recover.
    I’ve just started dating someone new, and I also have a deep inner joy and confidence... much more than I had before my abusive relationship experience.

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  • I'm not sure It's actually a hard question to answer you have me baffled.
    Being In an abusive relationship, can also make the victim very hard to be around and have some issues. I recently got out of a very serious relationship and It effected me a lot yet my current boyfriend put up with the fact I was a bit all over the place.

    In the end I think I would, but I'd maybe not go too full on until he was ready, and let them take time to heal themselves, as If they lean on you too much they won't have a good time when you're not around, as they rely on you.

    But yes I would, you need to help people during these times, as getting out of tough situations yourself In general Is very hard.

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What Guys Said 27

  • Typically, people who stay in one abusive relationship will subconsciously look for another abusive relationship over a healthy relationship.

    There's a reason why so many people just bounce from bad relationship to bad relationship, and it's because that's what they are attracted to. Even though they pretend not to like it, they actually DO like it more than being with someone they consider "boring."

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    • in order to be looking for a new relationship, the question obviously implies they left the abusive relationship. there is no context given as to how abusive it was or how long they stayed, so this seems like an odd way to answer.

    • And to imply someone likes being abused is disgusting and offensive.

    • That's totally not what I said and your lack of reading comprehension is offensive.

      You can look into the psychology all you want and I have, most of the time, people who fall into an abusive relationship make it into a pattern, they consistently make bad decisions that cause them to fall into the same patterns again and again either with the same abuser or with different ones.

      I'm not saying they "like" it, I'm saying they compulsively seek it out whether they like it or not, and that's just a fact.

      These people do this to themselves and when you try to "save" them, they end up spurning your help and dragging you down with them.

      What they like or what they want for themselves has nothing to do with the decisions they make and the actions they take. They follow a pattern and they repeat it over and over and over again. They don't learn, or if they do, it just makes it worse for them as they still can't escape the same old pattern. They're just wide awake to what they're doing.

  • Yes i would. I want to make her feel like she's in heaven after all those times if she is abused for no reason of course. I feel bad. They are less likely to be abusive too but clingey and shy and I love that.

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  • Yes, why not i'd gladly help her... she needs to see the real picture of a man and not a negative one.

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  • Yes, as long as she was dealing with the issues involved.

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  • Yeah... as long as she has at least the intention of seeking help (if she needs it) for any repressed emotions over the abuse.

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  • I definitely would. But you gotta remind yourself that it’s gonna be a challenge since she has a lot to heal from and you gotta guide her.

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  • definitely. Can't let her think things could be better.

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  • Yes, I did. Then they broke up with me to go "discover themselves".

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  • Yes. The reason is that my psyche is indestuctable, my will strong as steel, and my spirit unshakeable.

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  • I recently got out of an abusive relationship. It was volatile and toxic. So my response is, no. I've been beaten and tortured enough.

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  • Sure, would love to, what could be more beautiful than loving a broken soul

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  • the last person i dated says he was and he was pretty sensitive and uptight. I think he probably had ptsd from the relationship.

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  • Yup. Not sure "dating" would be the appropriate path... Supporting? sure.

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  • No. Still healing from mines, and wouldn't want to waste someone's time and energy with my bullshit baggage

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  • I don't think you know until your in that position. If they're ready for another relationship and I really like them then it wouldn't scare me away

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  • If she was the abused: Yes of course
    If she was the abuser: Hard pass

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  • As long as she gave herself time to heal first, and did not punish me for his misconduct, yes.

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  • We'd have something in common.

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  • Yes of course without a doubt.

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  • yes i would.

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  • For sure I try and up lift all spirits as I can

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  • If she was not the abuser, yes.

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  • Simply yes

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  • Depends if it's the abuser or abuser

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  • Yes for sure if that person is willing

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  • Yes l would

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  • I guess so, as long as they trust me since I will be nice to them and not like what they were used to

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What Girls Said 12

  • Yes if the person is also willing to help themselves.

    There is only so much you can do for a partner that is psychologically damaged in that way, and depending on their coping skills they may need to take initiative themselves to seek help from a non-biased third party.

    What you have to realize is that you are emotionally entangled with this individual and certain behaviors that result from their past could still affect the relationship, no matter how sympathetic you may be.

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  • No, if I really like them I would wait for them to heal from their previous relationship and completely move on before we start a new one.

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  • Depends. If it's severe, hell to the no. I don't want to end up being his therapist and end up emotionally and mentally drained without success. I don't like to say this but I wouldn't feel attracted to a crybaby either.
    If it's not that severe, just a bad experience but he is still holding himself up, sure why not. I'd support and raise his self-esteem up.

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  • No. This person should have time off to heal and understand why she got involved in this first. You will just come as a rebound if you do so.

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  • No I wouldn’t cause she might not be like in beginning. What gonna happens if we disagree and she snaps.

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  • Yes they tend to be kinder

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    • they tend to be more cautious not necessarily kinder.

  • Definitely yes

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  • Yesss

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  • No. I don’t do trauma-therapy.

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  • Yes.

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  • I am dating a man with an abusive past and he abuses me mentally/verbally.. its very hard especially when I suffer from depression as it is.. I do know he loves me but his personality sux and it holds me back from giving him all the love I have to offer

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    • He may be more broken than you realise

    • @innadrain68 I believe that's the issue

    • I believe that an individual can only heal when they choose to. I like to talk, and sometimes it is emotional because it does hurt to remember. Not being able to understand is worse. Other people just won't talk and bury themselves further.

  • Yes, my boyfriend was in an emotionally abusive relationship and she treated him like extra baggage or a trained pet.
    But this takes nothing away from the amazing boyfriend he is today, and i flatter our relationship to be strongest amongst the people in our circle.

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