How to tell him to back off without hurting his feelings?

There is this guy who can't stop staring at me, he keeps following me, does everything I ask him and can't stop smiling when I'm around.. His friends say that he told them that he is very much in love with me..

I don't care that he is in love with me that is not the problem.. it even flatters me.. but how do I tell him in a nice way to stop staring and stalking me? Because that pretty much freaks me out! I just don't want to hurt his feelings because he is still a friend of mine who I don't want to lose...

If he does not back off by the way.. how long will this crush take? Because he is under eighteen so it is a crush but it has been going on for six months now...


Most Helpful Guy

  • At maximum? Around 2 years, total. It was not his choice, though. But you seem uninterested in him, so... he is doomed to suffer in unreciprocated "love".

    You can't make him back off without hurting his feeilngs. His feelings currently rendered him to be in an irrational state of mind he has absolutely no control over. This is why I hate the emotion of "love", or rather "desire". Uncontrollable, and just makes people suffer. You are going to make a nice guy hate all women now and become a misantropic, misogynist introvert. Nice one.

    ...and see, this is why I never told my friends anything about my emotions. They would just go around and give out all information about me and mess my life up. Ughh... Well, people have to learn why not to trust others. Most often, the hard way.

    • I know how it feels to love someone who does not love me back so yeah that is why I did not say anything about it.. but the biggest problem is that he reacts on all my pictures and messages on facebook and follows me everywhere at school...

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    • You know, that could actually work.

      In fact, an indirect rejection could work. I've just thought of it. But it's risky. If you tell the friend to ask him what he's trying to achieve, the friend can also say that with all that stalking he did, if you had wanted to reciprocate, then you would have, and therefore there is no point in pursuing. This way, you wouldn't have to clearly hurt his feelings, he would just have to have his motive for pursuing destroyed. Hmm.. Theoretically, good plan.

    • The reason why it's risky is because the friend must not tell him that you clearly asked to talk to him about this. So that must be a secret - if it comes from the friend, he might be willing to listen, without you being the original source! So yes, as long as he doesn't know you asked the friend to talk to him, it would work. This way, it's completely indirect, and it originates from himself.

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What Girls Said 1

  • Well if it was me... Id say...

    I consider you a good friend, And I want it to stay that way and I'm sorry :

    A) But I don't feel the same way as you do about me.


    B) But I'm not looking for a relationship.

    One or the other because your not being mean... Your being honest in a nice way

    Ha I totally had one of those stalkers too, and usually as soon as you say you think of them as a friend and only a friend or you have a boyfriend they tone it down and will usually move on to stalking someone else lol

    But good luck :)

    • Possible problem:

      A) the guy might attempt to make her realize that she is supposed to love him and gets even more clingy than before.

      B) the guy attempts to make her realize that she should still try to get in a relationship with him as it would be better for her if she did.

      So if he knows she is single, then it's a problem. She could always say she already has a boyfriend, though. He would still get "pissed" and "hurt" about it, which is quite a problem, as the goal is for that not to happen.

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    • Like I said just tell him you don't think of him as more than a friend. I'm just going by my experiences. but whatever floats your boat :) He probably won't end up leaving you alone unless you say something along those lines.

    • that' exactly what I was thinking.. But since he's a friend of mine he knows I'm single and currently not dating anyone...

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