About 3 months ago my girlfriend of two years broke up with me. Since then we have been going back and forth. On our last effort, I broke things off instead of her. She wouldn't stop seeing another guy along with me and told me she does not want a relationship so I told her then she does not want me. The other night we saw each other at the bar and I made out with some one in front of her. We got into a heated talk and we both went our separate ways. The next day she called and got upset because of the way I was acting. I admit I was acting very immature the way I talked to her. I apologized to her and she opened up. Telling me she was tired of feeling confused, while crying, and that she just wanted answers. She told me she stopped seeing the other guy and that when she saw me kiss the other girl at the girl she wanted to beat that girl up. I have no idea what to make of this. I told her that I want things to work out between us but I don't know how. I told her that I couldn't see her in person but we could start texting/calling each other which we have. When I told her this she sounded disappointed and kind of snapped and was like I DO NOT NEED TO HEAR YOUR REASON. But I told her the truth its cause I wanted things to work out and that I need a week or two to figure out what I want. She questioned whether this was what I wanted. I do want this but I am worried that she'll walk away again. She does not make me feel secure because she keeps telling me not to expect anything out of this. I get that she is confused but hot damn every time I move on she comes back. When I try to press her on the issues of why she is doing this all I get is "I do not know." The reason over the whole break up was that she felt like it was like being part of an old couple when we are college students. It just was not fun any more. So I did a lot of changing since then and have been going out more. I just cannot tell if she is putting up a wall and is scared to get back in this with me or if she just wants to keep me around.
How do you re-start things with you ex? Last time I was pushy for answers so that's why it did not work but I cannot help it. I will have to suck up a lot of my pride to do this with her again. I want to ask her to hang out but how do I handle it? We've talked about the relationship so much that it seems like I force her to answer when she does not have them. I want to figure this out and its hard to for me to move slow because I'm afraid that ill lose her or fall into the friend zone. Does any one have any advice? I just want to know what's the best way to go about this.
Most Helpful Girl
I'm in the same situation. I really valuable piece of advice I received from an older couple that was together for 20 years, separated for a year, and are now back together and happier than ever was this... If and when you decide to give it another try, you have to look at it as an entirely new relationship. Not like a new chance with the same person, because the same old patterns will naturally come back and you will perpetuate the reasons you both broke up in the first place. Look at her as a BRAND new girl in your life and have fun discovering new and exciting things she has to offer. The only other thing I would say is that no matter how tempting it is to do or say things to gauge her response... just be completely open and honest about what works and what doesn't work for you in your relationship. She'll see this as a stronger, more desirable version of someone she already loves. Take your time. There is absolutely no rush if you both have the common goal, to honor your connection and enjoy one another. I wish you the best! Keep us posted. :)1