How do you handle getting back together with an ex?

About 3 months ago my girlfriend of two years broke up with me. Since then we have been going back and forth. On our last effort, I broke things off instead of her. She wouldn't stop seeing another guy along with me and told me she does not want a relationship so I told her then she does not want me. The other night we saw each other at the bar and I made out with some one in front of her. We got into a heated talk and we both went our separate ways. The next day she called and got upset because of the way I was acting. I admit I was acting very immature the way I talked to her. I apologized to her and she opened up. Telling me she was tired of feeling confused, while crying, and that she just wanted answers. She told me she stopped seeing the other guy and that when she saw me kiss the other girl at the girl she wanted to beat that girl up. I have no idea what to make of this. I told her that I want things to work out between us but I don't know how. I told her that I couldn't see her in person but we could start texting/calling each other which we have. When I told her this she sounded disappointed and kind of snapped and was like I DO NOT NEED TO HEAR YOUR REASON. But I told her the truth its cause I wanted things to work out and that I need a week or two to figure out what I want. She questioned whether this was what I wanted. I do want this but I am worried that she'll walk away again. She does not make me feel secure because she keeps telling me not to expect anything out of this. I get that she is confused but hot damn every time I move on she comes back. When I try to press her on the issues of why she is doing this all I get is "I do not know." The reason over the whole break up was that she felt like it was like being part of an old couple when we are college students. It just was not fun any more. So I did a lot of changing since then and have been going out more. I just cannot tell if she is putting up a wall and is scared to get back in this with me or if she just wants to keep me around.

How do you re-start things with you ex? Last time I was pushy for answers so that's why it did not work but I cannot help it. I will have to suck up a lot of my pride to do this with her again. I want to ask her to hang out but how do I handle it? We've talked about the relationship so much that it seems like I force her to answer when she does not have them. I want to figure this out and its hard to for me to move slow because I'm afraid that ill lose her or fall into the friend zone. Does any one have any advice? I just want to know what's the best way to go about this.


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Most Helpful Girl

  • I'm in the same situation. I really valuable piece of advice I received from an older couple that was together for 20 years, separated for a year, and are now back together and happier than ever was this... If and when you decide to give it another try, you have to look at it as an entirely new relationship. Not like a new chance with the same person, because the same old patterns will naturally come back and you will perpetuate the reasons you both broke up in the first place. Look at her as a BRAND new girl in your life and have fun discovering new and exciting things she has to offer. The only other thing I would say is that no matter how tempting it is to do or say things to gauge her response... just be completely open and honest about what works and what doesn't work for you in your relationship. She'll see this as a stronger, more desirable version of someone she already loves. Take your time. There is absolutely no rush if you both have the common goal, to honor your connection and enjoy one another. I wish you the best! Keep us posted. :)

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What Girls Said 7

  • I got back with an ex before. He broke it off and two weeks later we ended up just getting back together. However, I broke it off a month later. All I can say is to take it slow. Start hanging out. Call her up and ask her to go out with you. Start dating again. You can't go back to your old routine. This has to be something new and different. I hope it all works out for you. Good luck!

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  • I've never been back with an ex. But from experience, time in a break-up makes me regret a lot of things I've done. I think space without any communication is the best method. If you decide to contact her again, she'll use you as a doormat.

    I think it is very possible for ex's to get back together. It requires forgiveness, communication, tolerance, and love. =)

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  • Just take it slow and easy!

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  • This might help link

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  • just take it in strides, be calm, listen to each other, maybe write out ideas as to how you guys can give and take. relationships are give and take.

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  • i don't get back together with exes.

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  • im kind of in the same boat here aswell.havent talked for 3 months since we broke up. all of a sudden he contacts me to see how things are going etc. supposively he has a girlfriend wich relationship status on fb says but who knows. he has talked about getting together and doing things as well. I'm not sure how to go about telling him I want him back and to dump her. eventho their relationship seems to be doomed to fail if he already wants to have sex and cheat onher with me. he had told me their relationship was on and off so I'm not sure. I'm in the situation right now and I'm trying to take it slow. ask her to hang out and get back into the sim=ng of things and see how that goes first and then try and talk and see how that goes. you cannot rush into this because just like the others have said you will fall right back to the spot where you guys once left in and was the reson you broke it off in the first place. take it slow. I hope all goes well for you :)

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What Guys Said 3

  • You shouldn't get back with her. Ignore her existence, focus on another person or, better yet, on yourself and something you want to do with your life. Something that doesn't require another person in a loving relationship. You'll find someone better then. Don't bother with someone who hurt you and broke up with you. They did it once, they can do it again. They don't deserve a second chance.

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  • She keeps coming back because you are reliable - you'll find this a lot with women, they want a guy who is a "settle down" type (the old couple remark) but they also want Mr. Excitement too. The problem is Mr. Excitement won't stay with her but you will - so she'll go for him, but when you start to move on she'll think "oh sh*t" and go back to you.

    Now, when you made out with the other girl that clues her in to the fact that you are in fact desirable, hence all the "I'm mad/don't want to lose you" stuff. This starts the jealousy game, the possessive game, where she tries to keep you and push you away at the same time.

    Honestly, she's the one that needs to make the decision, not you - but as long as you let her "keep you around" this is how it's gonna be. You need to put your foot down, tell her that you are you, and that you are willing to get back together but she has to understand that it may end up like that "old couple" remark all over again. Because the truth is that is just how you are; you can mix it up, change it, but in the end you will probably go back to that point.

    Sorry for the ramble, it's just a bit difficult to explain. I've been in the same situation before and it didn't work, the reason being she had this image in her head of how a guy is supposed to be and I wasn't it.

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  • It never works a second time around

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