He cheated on me with his ex, should I fight for him & try to get him back?

Three years ago I met someone whom I can truly say is my soul mate. We had a beautiful loving long distance relationship. He is divorced from his ex-wife of 20 years because she cheated on him.

He received the bad news we have been fearing last October, his work contract wasn't renewed. He has a job until this March.

I wrote him an encouraging letter since he lost his previous job the time we met & although I was miles away, I gave him encouragement & courage. But his reply was a breakup letter instead.

I felt losing his job was so shallow to break up with me. Until he called me to say that he & his ex saw each other & something happened. At first he was justifying it until he cried & said that for the first time he cheated on the woman he really cared about, but for the sake of their kids they were thinking of getting back together. Their daughters are aged 19 & 22.

I was devastated & am still hurting and really depressed from the betrayal but I miss him so much that I wish he would go back to me. Please enlighten me, I'm confused.


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  • Sounds like a mistake and that he is remorseful... but you should never have to fight for someone who has betrayed you, whether they did so callously or not. It's up to him to fight for you and regain your trust. Don't be so quick to forgive either. Have some self-respect and understand that maybe you feel okay with his mistake now, it might come back to subconsciously haunt you in the future. If he does fight for you and you choose to forgive him, know that you both will be living with his mistake the rest of your time together.

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  • Geez oh Pete! This one is messy. A 20 year marraige. Several letters of encouragement. Some grown kids. Two infidelities. One lost job. And a Partridge in a pair tree. Sorry, I couldn't help myself, I'm in the Christmas spirit. If he decides he made a mistake and he comes back to you, then I would probably take his sorry two turtle doves back. Otherwise move on to some 8 men a' milking.

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    • thanks for your advice, I've been seeing signs all over lately but I don't want to keep my hopes high...or am I hallucinating from lack of sleep? His name is Pete btw...

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    • yeah, you're right the pain is agonizing, his last contact was a reply to my email & that was it...ok...january then hahaha...you made me smile this early morning... oh I'm taking your advice, am looking into photograpy classes, somthing I've wanted to do when I was younger but never did...

    • Photography! How awesome! Good for you! After our conversation I decided to pick up guitar. So thank you! You helped me too! Good luck with everything. If you want an ear to bend, you know where to find me.

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