After months of not talking, she is talking to me again - what does it mean?

Hello, I was unsure of where to put this question so I just put it under relationships.

My girlfriend and I broke up about 9 months ago because of mistakes I have made. (I began to become controlling, greedy and well when she asked for a break I did not take it well) Granted when I say I was controlling, I was not as bad as some guys, but I do admit It was not good.

But we broke up and did not talk for a long time, just recently she started talking to me again. She called me (Due to my mother texting her about some happenings in the family) and we talked for an hour and a half.

I won't go into the whole conversation but I will list some key points she stated.

-"I have been meaning to call you for awhile now to patch things up between us."

-"My mom says she misses you almost everyday."

-"I am afraid of losing people..."

-"I want to take it slow."

So I thought great, it looks like she wants to be with me again. We communicated a few times after that in which I did my best to portray I have gotten over my clingy nature. However, the last we talked she told me she had a boyfriend. Now, it took awhile for her to admit this, and she did so because I asked if she had anything she wanted to tell me. It took awhile of asking to get it out of her.

Now, I am 22, she is 19 and the other guy is 16. Her and I also both live in Florida while the 16 year old lives in England. When I found out I was surprisingly very in control of my emotions and just stated why I may not think it would be a good idea that she is with him.

And then I asked if he knew about her and I talking again, in which she replied with a no.

I suggested that she tell him because it would look really bad if he found out on his own... Now, this is what gets me... She grows really defensive and asks.

"Are you threatening me?" In which I reply...

"No... I am just saying what is right, it is kind of wrong to talk to your ex behind your boyfriend's back. He should know.

Either way, she told me that she felt chemistry with him, which I can understand to a certain point. They have never met each other, communication being skype and phone chats.

I told her I wanted her to be happy and if being with him made her happy then I am happy.

However, all of this baffles me still... She stated she was happy with him, what is the point of talking to me if she "Loves him" Then again she never stated she loved him. And she even stated she knew he is immature and that she took a break from him to see if she was doing things for the right reason...

My question is, what is she really up to? I am glad we are talking again and yes I love her, and she knows that. But why is she acting the way she is acting...? We have not spoken since, and it has been 4-5 days.

Does she want to be my friend? Does she want to be more? What could possibly be going on in her head right now?

Thank you for your time.


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What Girls Said 1

  • To address the 16 year old in England...chemistry? From online communication? Not likely. She may think it's chemistry, but I personally don't feel that you can have actual chemistry unless and until there has been an actual in person meeting. Anyone can say the right things online because no matter how advanced the tech, nothing replaces face to face reality. I wouldn't be too concerned about that going anywhere. The concern would be why this 19 year old woman is carrying on with a 16 year old boy, regardless of the medium. Attention?

    It's great that you recognize your unflattering characteristics and have worked to improve. The fact that you own your past behavior speaks volumes about your maturity. She should acknowledge that.

    You need to confront her about what she wants from you and how she feels about you. If you want to know what's going on in her head, ask her. Assure her that you just want her to be honest because whether or not you get back together or just stay friends, you should always respect one another to be honest about your feelings. If she can't answer you or is too vague, I think that you should tell her that you are going to give her some time and space to think about what she wants. Next, and this is so important, give her that space. Do not call, text, email her for a few days. If after 5 days or so you do not hear from her (I bet you will, tho), contact her just to say you wanted to see how she is doing. You should able to tell from what she says or how she acts where you stand. If, however, she is still not being clear or straight with you, I'm afraid she may just be playing a little girl game with you and you need to walk away to allow her some time to grow up. I hope it works out for you.

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    • Thank you for your quick and very well thought response.

      I have been getting mixed reviews from my family and friends. Some are convienced she loves me still, while others believe she needs to mature a little bit.

      She has always been mature for her age, but it seems she does have areas where growth is needed. This is the 5th day since we communicated. I forgot to mention that, I am her first relationship, first intimate partner, first kiss, first many things. A 4 year long relationship.

    • There is no doubt in my heart that this girl truly loved me, the love was very genuine and real. In the conversation though I did state that I loved her.

      She told me it felt awkward when I said that. She also said that she loves me, but she is not in love with me.

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