Should I marry him or break it off?

He lives with his grandparents, (they're letting him live there for free), he works forty hours a week at a job that he hates, and most of his money goes to his iPhone and his car and coming to visit me. He doesn't have a bachelors degree, and is going to take it one class at a time. (He's 24 and only has an associates). He is an excellent cook, but every time he cooks it costs more than a restaurant.

Two months into our relationship he proposed and I (being silly and naive) said yes. Finally my friends and family got through to me that he was being abusive (isolating me from my friends, trying to get me to quit my job, pushing me too far sexually). I broke off all contact with him, but after a week I went back to him and we built a new relationship. Two weeks ago, he asked me to marry him again. I said yes . . . I'll eventually marry you, and then he went off about all the time we would miss if we didn't get married in six months.

My mom hates him, and wants me to go back to my old boyfriend.

He finally backed off saying that he would be okay with marring me eventually. But he knows that he wants to marry me, and I'm not 100% sure that I'll ever be confident enough in our relationship to spend the rest of my life with him.

Should I keep our relationship going towards marriage, or should I stop it to try to not hurt him as much later on?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • From the details you have told me, it sounds like you aren't that interested in him. Two months (only 8 weeks!) is not very much time, at all, when you consider spending your life with someone. If your friends and family are trying to tell you something, you should listen, they are your friends and family for a reason, you don't want to lose them cause that can happen. You said that your friends and family, finally, got through to you about him being abusive, isolating and controlling towards you, that comes from important people in your life (those are very serious issues to think about, try researching types of abuse, cause abuse usually gets worse). Think about what you want, not what he wants. Don't worry about hurting him because you could get hurt, and maybe you already have been. If he proposed to you in only 8 weeks, it tells me that he is deperate, and that he is pressuring you. Aside from all that, your second guessing the whole thing, and your doing that for very good reasons. You shouldn't have to do anything you don't want to. When it comes to your question, I really think you should stop it and do what you did the first time, but this time don't look back.

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    • Another thing that confuses me is that if you broke off all contact the first time, how/why did you get back with him only after a week. If you do break off all contact you should make sure that its every possible way of contact.

Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 1

  • My cousin who recently was divorced told me "If there is ANY doubt, she isn't the one"...Why put both of you through the pain the in the future..There has to be some type of closure..

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What Girls Said 3

  • I honestly think that you should break it off. I mean think about it, you are asking perfect strangers for imput. I know that perfect strangers will tell you their true thoughts because you are not friends but if you are in a position that you could either break it off or get married its not a good relationship. Don't you think that a great relationship that is strong will last forever would be one that you are knowing that you are doing the right thing from the start.

    p.s. I am not sure how close you are with your mother but if she does not care too much for the guy you would marry then I think it's probably not ment to be. Your relationship should be with someone your family loves. It is hard to be in a relationship or even just plan married to someone with out the support of your family. And no one ever wants to be told "I told you so." I would advise you to take a break and find what you really want and if it is him then he needs to get focused on college because it sounds like its important to you. Also, your mother and him need more bonding.

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  • This whole thing sounds unhealthy. You're only 20. You don't need to get married right now, and it's definitely not okay for a guy who's been dating you for a couple months to push you towards that or set some sort of time limit on it. I think you should break off contact with this guy before this all goes down hill.

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  • I think you have pretty legit concerns:

    1. He is rushing you for some reason

    2. He is pushing you away from your family and friends

    3. He doesn't seem to have a great career (future finance troubles)

    And you being pretty young, you should be able to still explore and date around.

    When I was 22 I started dating and I dated for 2 years (casually). Make sure you meet and date enough people to really know what you want. It does seem like you are maturing and know what you want. You can drop him, I'm sure you can find someone new.

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