Need your help guys about ex boyfriend's behaviour?

I'm at a loss on what to do.

I was with someone for 5 months, not long, I know... However, we had a very intense connection and we were very good friends for a while before we were involved romantically.

During our relationship he was confused and felt we should break up as it was the best thing in his eyes. I didn't want that, I wanted to work on it but alas, it wasn't meant to be. (I think he rushed in from his last relationship, felt he just saw me as a friend even though he told me he loved me a lot, wanted to be with me forever, have kids etc).

We broke up in early August, and since then I have been a mess... He now has a new girlfriend which I am sure they started in October/November and he seems completely smitten with her.

He told me when we broke up that he didn't want me out of his life and wants to be friends. I agreed and we text each other every few days, it was becoming daily but has slowed down again since the new GF... I feel like he has used me as a safety net so he didn't feel guilty about the relationship break down.

Yet I still have some hope that he will come back to me, which I know is stupid. I have initiated NC 3 times already and each time he contacts me after 4 days or so, and I break down and reply to his messages.

Why is he doing this? I feel like he is keeping me around, even though he seems to 'love' this girl, I feel he hasn't completely let go of me - Or is that just me wishing and hoping?

He calls me sometimes too and sends me random emails from time to time, but it's mainly texting. I'd say 3-4 times a week, 5-10 texts each time.

I don't feel I am strong enough to break this connection with him, but I feel like if I don't - It will consume my life well into the new year and I do not want that.

I am almost 28 he is 24 if that helps. I just don't need this hurt any more and I need some guidance?

He's made half assed attempts to be friends but I can't keep being on this rollercoaster with him. He knows how I feel and how I feel about being 'friends' and I told him I have given up on our friendship. He has texted me a few times but I ignore it now.


Most Helpful Girl

  • This exact thing happened to me a few years ago. We were friends before going out and when we did, everything changed. I will say you should take a step back and reflect; was the relationship as great as you think it was?

    In my experience, my ex and I were together for about 7 months, and broke up and were off during the school year and on during summer/winter was a vicious cycle. Eventually I found out from someone else that he started seeing a new girl without telling me; however he still thought of me as a really good friend and always talked/txt/superflirted etc, so I really had no idea up to that point. 3 Years (yes YEARS) later I was in the same boat, thinking he'd soon realize that he likes me more than his current girlfriend, and would leave her soon enough blah blah blah...but...then they've been going out for 3 years now...that's quite some time.

    What helped me through it was to break it off absolutely completely. Maybe you're a stronger person than I am and can eventually get over it and stay friends (if so, good for you), but its up to you. I purged my email/txts/chat etc even took his number out of my phone so I wouldn't be tempted to reply or text him. I also let him be aware of how angry and hurt I felt being dragged on like that.

    I'm glad you distance yourself from him now. Keep busy and don't reply/answer/do anything back. Even if he gets whiney and "cute". Stand your ground. If he really does like you in the way you want him to, he'd realize it when you're missing from his life. My ex still txts/emails every now and then. Oddly enough now, I have no feelings for him whatsoever now.

    Best of luck, I really hope this helped!


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Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 5

  • He seemed to use you as his rebound. He may do the same when he breaks up with his new girlfriend. You need to move on and find someone who wants to genuinely be with you and not the idea of what you could be.

  • your older and wiser, and you know the guy is with someone right now nobody wants to be a rebound a spare better make your stand and respect his current situation..eventhough he still tries to communicate if its only for friendship its OK but this situation is different..gotta find someone else..a girl did that to me before I guess this works either on both sexes and I am happy to say after the feeling died out for her she tried me with her woes because she was sweet and always flirty with me..when her current left her she saw me as an option but sad to say reality bites the guy who cares for her more than a friend now only sees her as a friend we are still friends but I don't bother making effort meeting her unless it's a group reunion with a past co-workers

  • i say just forget him obviously he doesn't want you anymore he's just playin with you cause he knoes what its doing to you

  • It kind of sounds like he just wants to be friends, and if that's not enough for you its probably best to just end it altogether

    but if he does still tell you that he loves you and wants you then it sounds like he is just trying to use you or keep you as backup, which isn't an option you should leave open to him

  • tell him straight you don't want to be friends anymore because their are still unresolved feelings. Then go NC for a while. If he wants you as more than a friend he'll let you know but leave it if he is not serious. It sounds really complicated tbh and might be better all round to have a clean break. But don't hold onto false hope. Confront your feelings and get everything out in the open. It might not work out the way you want but either way it'll be better than your current situation.

    • Thanks.

      I will definitely go NC, it's just so hurtful. Everytime I feel we make progress, something happens where my heart is broken yet again.

      If it's meant to be, then it's meant to be. I will leave him alone from now on. If he wants me around, he can come to me.

      I just worry that he won't contact me again, but if he really wanted to be with me he wouldn't have moved on with someone else.

    • he'll be in contact again especially if he wants you back.

What Girls Said 3

  • Trust me, no. You need to go no contact as long as possible. I did this with my ex. Pretty much exact same situation. he's still with her and I'm single. I still love him but he messed me around. He needs to know you will not be there for him to just walk back to whenever he likes.

  • ok.I've been like you also and I stood after her ass for like 1 year for nothing.when it breaks it's broken and the end.1st of all he's way younger than you and at his age he still wants to explore till he settles're a mature woman so act like one.put yourself on the 1st's all about you,about what you want and your future and I am sure you don't want man that keeps you as a backup in your life.start doing new things,new hobbies,new friends,new anturages and you will see how fast will all pass and it will just remain a memory..or better experience from which you got more're not alone in this and you're not the only one who had experiences like these.think that others separete after years of marriage with kids so breathe in,breathe out...count to ten...close your eyes,and look in the mirror. it's the new you: the independent single woman that guys would kill to have:) good luck ! :*

  • I am afraid I am not able to offer much advice on this one but just wanted to let you know that I am in the same situation. My ex seems to find it impossible not to contact me and I never initiate contact with him. However, like you, I always reply. I guess what we both should do is have a conversation with the males concerned and ask them why or just start ignoring their texts. I have vowed to myself that I will not spend 2011 waiting around for him, so join me in my new year's resolution!

    I have discussed with my straight male friends who have said that he likes my company and wants me in his life but not as a partner. I guess I need to come to terms with that and perhaps so do you. I share your hurt but try and address the issue in 2011.

    • I'm sorry you are going through the same thing, but it is nice to know someone else knows of my situation.

      Thank you for your kind words, I will be ignoring his texts from now on. I find that when I ask him questions regarding 'us' he always gets uptight and hurts me with words.

      Good luck in 2011.

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