Is my ex boyfriend just trying to get back at me cause he was hurt but still want to be with me?

My ex boyfriend and I just recently broke up five days ago. I originally was the first person to break it off and called him one night saying it was over and he said he was confused so we planned to talk it over the next day. He was pretty pissed with me but once we starting talking it I explained that he was being a d*** and I didn't want to break up it was just the only thing I thought would wake him up. We had a good talk but at the end of it he said he had felt like sh*t and didn't want to feel that way again so we should stay friends. I don't agree with this but I understand that's what he wants but he has never stopped calling me since we broke up. It's like everything I mentioned he had messed up on he is doing. He texts me everyday sometimes just seeing how I am or wants to hang out. We talk about our “friendship” a lot . He has said to me he cares for me and wishes he cared more. Sometimes we agree that we will try again once he has himself together, and then other times he says he is looking for someone to settle down with and pretty much I am not it or other stupid reasons that he admits are silly, like he doesn’t want to be jealous and if he is not my boyfriend he can reason with himself why he shouldn’t be. I mentioned that I was going on a date and then he told me he is going on one too and then proceeded to tell me my date was not that attractive but smart. Once we talked about his date and he told me he didn’t think I should worry about her- that it is most likely not going anywhere. We go to hang out with people like we are a couple –in fact I don’t even know if people are aware we are not together because by the way we act. He got me a card and put it in my mail box and then mentioned it when we were with people that he thinks it’s nice when people take the time to do that cause it means they really care. We will carry on this way and then he will throw in a line like “this is what friends do.” His actions are the complete opposite of what he is telling me and I am really confused. We still sleep together which I know is a no no and am going to cut that off. I am willing to try to be friends but I don’t feel this is friends and some part of me feels he is just trying to get back at me for making him feel crappy. Unfortunately I love the guy and just want things to get figured out but I have no idea where he is coming from ..I don’t even know if he knows. I will say I have been with him for almost a year now and he likes to be in control of his feelings..if feel at all. I am guessing only time will help this one but any advice is helpful. Please help


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What Guys Said 1

  • What do you want? Of course he's going to act like more than a friend: he likes you... and obviously you still like him. Actually, other than the going out on dates with others, it really does sound like, all your protestations to the contrary notwithstanding, you're still dating. So, you need to figure out what you want. You wanted to straighten up some things in the relationship, but you ended up making it into a friends with benefits situation, which no guy is going to refuse. I can't tell you what you should do, since it's not clear that you know what you want. It sounds to me that, subconsciously at least, you want to be with him. So tell him that you want to go back to dating him, but that there were things that you didn't like in the relationship that you'd like to talk about. And if he doesn't sound interested in going back to the relationship situation, unless you're comfortable with the FWB thing (FWBs don't get a say over whom their "friend" sleeps with), leave.

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