I'm sure this sounds like every other "how to handle an ex-girlfriend" situation but I'm battling insomnia, it's the holidays and I'm single (shocking) so I figured I'd throw it out there to see if anyone bites.I apologize in advance if this sounds 99.9% similar to everyone else.
This girl meant alot. Our backstory of my pursuit of her goes back years even before we even started dating. Very basic timeline: pursued her in college. Feelings were there but timing wasn't right. Left to live abroad. She followed me out there, feelings were exchanged. Came back to the East Coast, we reconnected but we were dating different people. Fast forward a few months, we were both finally single. Timing was finally right, we started dating. The "relationship" was just as exciting and tumultuous as the pursuit; ups and downs, great times and bad, all within a span of a few months. Crash and burn, basically. We broke up in a somewhat mutual separation. Her claim: lack of chemistry, my issue: uncertain about my commitment level.
Fast forward to now. She's starting to send sporadic texts every now and then wishing me well, asking how I'm doing, pretty harmless stuff. I could easily be blowing it out of proportion (actually I know I am) but every single time, I don't respond. At all. Why? A genuine fear of being sucked back into the person I was back then; a fear of revisiting an unstable relationship; a fear of reversing the change/progress I felt I've made since we broke up. I do have feelings for her, no doubt. In fact, I know I do because I know for certain I cannot just be friends with her because I won't be able to separate my romantic feelings for her.
I'm sure she's just being nice and wants to know how I am, considering how close we were and how we haven't spoken to each other at all since the breakup. Is it immaturity on my part to simply ignore her well-wishes? Do I have probable cause to be suspicious of her intentions? Or should I grow up and welcome her back into my life?
I suppose this really stems from the lack of closure from our breakup. I'm honestly not sure if I'd even want to date her again should the opportunity present itself, but similarly, I'm not sure if I want to continue to ignore her attempts to reconnect.
What do you guys think? Take the "ignorance is bliss" path and just continue to ignore her? Or be brave and try and reconnect with her under the pretense of NO EXPECTATIONS?
Most Helpful Guy
Really depends on where you are with your emotions. If you still have strong feelings for her then reconnecting runs more of a risk of getting hurt. She may just want friendship, maybe more but she is obviously still thinking about you in one way or another. At the moment you cannot read into anything as you don't really know what she is contacting you for. Either way you are certainly dismissing the chance of anything if you continue to ignore her (which is what you need to do if you don't think your ready)
Similarly if your feelings for her have died down then their is nothing wrong with reconnecting and catching up. You don't have to become best friends but you can certainly forgive and forget. Also if you are thinking of dating again you may need to take it slowly and start out again as friends (after 9 months I don't know she would expect to jump straight back into dating). I'm kind of in the same situation right now. My ex has contacted me after 3 months of NC and I'm unsure her motives. I'm unsure what I want from her but I think friendship is not an option. It's all or nothing in my opinion and I'm still unsure which I want. I've texted her back and I am going to take it slowly for a while and gauge her interest levels. If she is responsive I will push for more as I don't want to be in the friend zone too long. If she turns me down then that will be that and I'll cut all contact. If you are having lingering doubts about what if then maybe it's worth a shot.0