An ex-girlfriend is starting to creep back into my life after 9 months...thoughts?

I'm sure this sounds like every other "how to handle an ex-girlfriend" situation but I'm battling insomnia, it's the holidays and I'm single (shocking) so I figured I'd throw it out there to see if anyone bites.I apologize in advance if this sounds 99.9% similar to everyone else.

This girl meant alot. Our backstory of my pursuit of her goes back years even before we even started dating. Very basic timeline: pursued her in college. Feelings were there but timing wasn't right. Left to live abroad. She followed me out there, feelings were exchanged. Came back to the East Coast, we reconnected but we were dating different people. Fast forward a few months, we were both finally single. Timing was finally right, we started dating. The "relationship" was just as exciting and tumultuous as the pursuit; ups and downs, great times and bad, all within a span of a few months. Crash and burn, basically. We broke up in a somewhat mutual separation. Her claim: lack of chemistry, my issue: uncertain about my commitment level.

Fast forward to now. She's starting to send sporadic texts every now and then wishing me well, asking how I'm doing, pretty harmless stuff. I could easily be blowing it out of proportion (actually I know I am) but every single time, I don't respond. At all. Why? A genuine fear of being sucked back into the person I was back then; a fear of revisiting an unstable relationship; a fear of reversing the change/progress I felt I've made since we broke up. I do have feelings for her, no doubt. In fact, I know I do because I know for certain I cannot just be friends with her because I won't be able to separate my romantic feelings for her.

I'm sure she's just being nice and wants to know how I am, considering how close we were and how we haven't spoken to each other at all since the breakup. Is it immaturity on my part to simply ignore her well-wishes? Do I have probable cause to be suspicious of her intentions? Or should I grow up and welcome her back into my life?

I suppose this really stems from the lack of closure from our breakup. I'm honestly not sure if I'd even want to date her again should the opportunity present itself, but similarly, I'm not sure if I want to continue to ignore her attempts to reconnect.

What do you guys think? Take the "ignorance is bliss" path and just continue to ignore her? Or be brave and try and reconnect with her under the pretense of NO EXPECTATIONS?

Thanks!


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Really depends on where you are with your emotions. If you still have strong feelings for her then reconnecting runs more of a risk of getting hurt. She may just want friendship, maybe more but she is obviously still thinking about you in one way or another. At the moment you cannot read into anything as you don't really know what she is contacting you for. Either way you are certainly dismissing the chance of anything if you continue to ignore her (which is what you need to do if you don't think your ready)

    Similarly if your feelings for her have died down then their is nothing wrong with reconnecting and catching up. You don't have to become best friends but you can certainly forgive and forget. Also if you are thinking of dating again you may need to take it slowly and start out again as friends (after 9 months I don't know she would expect to jump straight back into dating). I'm kind of in the same situation right now. My ex has contacted me after 3 months of NC and I'm unsure her motives. I'm unsure what I want from her but I think friendship is not an option. It's all or nothing in my opinion and I'm still unsure which I want. I've texted her back and I am going to take it slowly for a while and gauge her interest levels. If she is responsive I will push for more as I don't want to be in the friend zone too long. If she turns me down then that will be that and I'll cut all contact. If you are having lingering doubts about what if then maybe it's worth a shot.

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What Girls Said 3

  • Well its up to you, you could always be friendly text back and see where it goes. Its not as if you have to make a decision right now if you want to get back into that relationship, and like you say she may just miss your company and just want to know how you are. You'll kick yourself if you never find out...

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  • I think she is just looking to see how your life is. Is she constantly texting you or is it just a few here and there to see how you are doing..You maybe just thinking to much into it due to the past..I would say make your intentions known wether they be you just want to keep it to a distance of sporadic texts here and there to just see how each other is making out. And or just flat out ask her what her intentions are. Sometimes being blunt is better than stressing yourself out to figure out someone elses intentions or your own...

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  • It is all up to you. I feel the same way with my ex, it's hard to talk to him and be just friends for knowing that a little feeling is still there for him. We do talk everyday and the thing is I don't want to stop being friends, he said he wouldn't know what to do if he completely lost me. He said that and had no contact with me throughout the summer, he lived without me for that long even when I sent him a letter once a month. I thought of ignoring his texts and calls when he started calling and texting on a daily basis. I felt that It'd be mean if I did that to him. I'm a sensitive person so I gave in and start talking to him. You just follow your heart.

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What Guys Said 2

  • I think your ignoring her because you don't want to have to admit that all she wants is a casual friendship and perhaps this way you can hope, and imagine more. If your fine with the idea of only being friends with her you should try to reconnect. If your not okay with friends don't go into it with false presumptions. Additionally you shouldn't completely ignore her, you could respond or send an email I don't think that would bother you too much would it?

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  • Don't fall for it, buddy. You're just going to get hurt again. Been there done that. Unless, you're dating someone that really blows your ex away, I wouldn't risk reconnecting with her. On the other hand, if you do reconnect with her and get hurt again.. then you'll really learn.

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