Why do people in apparently good relationships cheat?

A friend of mine is in a relationship, a very good one it seems, he really seems to care about his girlfriend. The girlfriend seems devoted to him, too. They look like a really cute couple and I thought he was such a sweet guy until he made a move on me. That baffled me. Yeah, he's attractive, but I'd never give in if he's in a relationship. When he made the move I said "You have a girlfriend, think of her". He said "I do think of her, and I love her, but come on... give me a kiss... I've done this before, there's nothing wrong with it".

That's something I don't get. If he loves her and is happy with her, then why cheat? I know some women who do this to their boyfriends too, and I just don't get it.


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Most Helpful Girl

  • As a cheater myself, I have experienced loving someone and doing the worst thing I could possibly do to them- cheat on them.

    I had a great relationship with a great guy, and personally, I may never find that again. But that's besides the point.

    As a cheater, I did it for the thrill, not because I didn't truly love my boyfriend. We had been together for nearly three years, and for the first time, I made the mistake of hanging out with my hot single female friends. By doing this, I began to go to clubs and bars without him and started to get attention from much more attractive men. This was my downfall. I began to date men outside of my relationship and things lead to other things.

    Although I truly loved him, I did do things outside of my relationship with him that I still regret to this day. I did it because I wanted a hotter boyfriend, I didn't do it because I even liked this guys, I truly just liked the chase and being with more attractive men, something I had missed for three years. However, as karma would put it, I learned that a relationship of love with someone cannot be replaced with looks. You may feel fulfilled in emotional needs, but not necessarily physical needs. I have heard many times that a person cheats for a reason, I guess that was my reason.

    So, in essence, I cheated out of the thrill of being able to be with someone more attractive. It is very hurtful, especially for the person you are with, but I did it for physical reasons and for the chase, not because I had feelings for someone else. But don't worry, karma has it's ways of sorting things out.

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    • Thank you for your honesty, you really put things into perspective :)

      And non-anon too, that's cool :)

Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 17

  • The black & white answer is

    married people don't have sexual relations (includes oral & orgasms) with others

    dating people might.

    Although kissing does lead to sex, as does "making a move", it is not cheating.

    In it's most innocent form, kissing on the cheek is a common upper class social greeting.

    Uncommonly, some families prefer to kiss on the lips, even if you are only considered "family".

    If I may reword the concern to be "his intentions are to have sexual relations with me eventually", then we can get past his overt actions & cheating definitions.

    He loves her - I agree, he does or thinks so ... so far as a dating relationship goes.

    He does not love her in a marriage frame of mind/body/emotion. Period.

    Why attempt to do this?

    1. He has not found Ms. Perfect yet and decided the easy way was to settle & craft his own version of "marriage"?

    2. He never will be mature or love enough to understand what marriage is?

    3. I am open to other suggestions!?!?!

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  • The word apparently good relationship is verymuch exhibit the answer to your question.This is only in appearance,the relationship, but not really,this we cannot call as love, but can call it as lust ,lust for tasting newer and newr tastes.Lust can never satify permenantly, unless you satisfy your inner mind.Lust is not sacred as love. Love is sacred and givine, that is love is god.But lust when wrapped with love should be identified othervice dangerous.Lust is the hero.You must be able to identify the feeling and intention behind the love,Lust is brutal,hard and dangerous,but love is soft,pleasing and attractive as god.Every women fail to understand the real love from their guys,whether iit wrapped with lust only,ofcourse lust is can be a part but not the ultimate aim,if so whe once tasted more and more it will be dull go gor othe food taste,is quite natural,but if it is divine sacred love you will get mental abd bodily happiness and that is all.If you really love and trust eachether,cannot cheat,if cheating, cheating yourself.going to dogs.So you consider real and sacred love,but the guy consider lusted love only for amusement commodity.That is the difference.All guys are not like you can find real love even with lusted love inside if you try sincerly

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  • Because you made him feel like you wanted more from him. Maybe your too flirty around men you seem to trust or maybe you have hidden feelings for this guy - I don't know and I don't care. But My ex's cousin did this to me and I started wondering that she wanted more, it seemed really exciting to get with her and I really wanted her everyway possible but I didn't follow through with the idea, the guilt pangs brought me back to earth with a bang.

    But the real truth I guess, is that we get bored, especially after 2 or 3 years, that initial spark goes, we need to find solice with others, unfortuantly some people of the opposite sex give us that energy that we lost and we soak it up, eagerly. I think every couple has been in this prodictament (any one that says thay haven't - are liars!) the real test is can we enjoy the attention but not take it any further? - some are good at this and others like me and this guy..need work!

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  • because some guys, AND girls can't help it.

    me, I'm 30 and I NEVER cheated and I won't ever cheat. so there are men out there that do not cheat.

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  • Me either. If you're as happy and love him/her as much as claim, why would you want to? I suspect things aren't as perfect as they seem on the surface or it wouldn't have happened, & if I'm wrong, shame on him & good for you! You have the makings of a perfect Girlfriend from the sound of it...

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  • Maybe he was wasted or high when he said it? I think a lot of guys just want a quick thrill and won't consider the consequence till after. Or perhaps he thinks he can get away with it, even if his girl finds out, and just exert emotional control over her, or convince her it was nothing.

    Good job saying no, :).

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  • he wants to have his cake and eat it

    if he can have a girlfriend, devoted to him, who loves him, who he has a great relationship with, AND get sex on top of that, no consequences... Why not?

    i would never do it, but iv'e seen the logic at work

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  • I was cheated on. She cheated on me because she said she wasn't committed to us and her relationship never last. Her spirits knew I was the best guy but she didn't stick with me. It's not about if he loves her; it's the fact that he is not really attached. Love has many meanings but maybe what he meant by love was that he is sexually attached to her, knows she is the one but wants to experiment or has feelings for you and wants the best of both (some guys do that). If he persist doing that, tell him that you will tell his girlfriend if he continues this path. He has no negative operants to change his habit - maybe this will do him good. Good Luck!

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  • He's a liar and a cheat. He was a liar and a cheat from the beginning and he tricked your friend. You need to tell her what happened so that she can deal with it herself.

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  • It all comes down to honesty, intimacy and lust for one another.

    Always be open.

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  • well, that's guys. they cheat because they are able to cheat, it's because of their nature "hunting" girls.

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    • So... whenever I have a boyfriend (not that I want one now) or maybe even a husband some day, I'll just have to accept it if he cheats 'cause that's how guys are?

    • they don't always cheat. it depends on the person it self, do he want to cheat or not.

      all I'm saying is that guy tends to seek an opportunity whenever they are available to another girls just to satisfied his curiosity.

  • One word: biology!

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  • It's how people are.

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  • that's a good one. I doubt that he truly loves her. If he did, he'd be afraid to sh_t where he eats. Doesn't he think that you might tell her? I think this guys broken and his Girlfriend is in for a heart break down the road. Too bad for her. Stay clear of him after they break up becasue he'll do the same to you.

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  • Sometimes sexual attraction can be quite illogical and bizarre the way it works. Not coming from the head. Keep that in mind! We are prisoners to our innermost desires...

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  • I think there are more women who cheat than guys, so why do you complain when only one did it. Open the website with webcams and you'll understand what I mean. I bet all of them have boyfriends, and I guess do extras too.

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    • Umm, I said women do it too... None that I know of, but women do it too. I never said women are saints. Why are some men so bitter that they think all women are evil and worse than men? Men are no better than women, just like women aren't better than men. Everything goes both ways.

  • You flirted with him and you know it!

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    • No I didn't, he's younger than me by 2 years, I never go for younger guys. Why is it so hard to think that in this type of situation, it's not always the woman who starts it? Really, he started it, I'd never go after a taken guy. Especially one who seems to be in a good relationship.

    • Then why didn't you just say NO? Or walk away.. You started a conversation out of it, you didn't say no you told him to think & obviously if he cared to think he wouldn't be hitting on you in the first place, This question sounds like an excuse to talk about a guy coming onto you,

      "Yeah, he's attractive, but I'd never give in if he's in a relationship. "

      idk sounds like something funny os up- what happened after you said 'think of that'?

    • I told him to quit hitting on me and went home. Really why is it that always in this type of situation everyone always thinks it's the woman's fault? That she's the slut? I'm no slut, but he's been friends with me for a while too, and for a long time I had no clue he wanted such a thing from me, so yeah, in the end a friend's a friend, so it's a bit more complicated than just any guy.

      I'm not a slut! nor is it my fault.

What Girls Said 11

  • It means he lacks character. That's it. A relationship may be good but it's only good as long as the Girlfriend doesn't find out what kind of a man the Boyfriend really is.

    Cheating isn't necessarily a result of a bad relationship. There are people who will cheat just because they can or because the opportunity has presented itself. These people have narcissistic personalities and a sense of invincibility. Often times, these are also the same people who'll cry crocodile tears of regret when caught and then make up some rfidiculous issue to deflect blame (think tiger woods, john edwards, that guy who used to be married to Sandra bullock, and various other famous cheating men).

    These guys will even cheat with hideously ugly women just for the sake of cheating. It's weird and makes no sense to us normal people. But some people are just messed up like that.

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  • well, from a girls perspective,

    i was in an absolutly perfect relationship, he loved me so much, and did everything for me. if he could, he would have given me the world. nahh, probably the universe.

    i loved him a lot too, but, I also realized, after all that time that I was still in love with my ex.

    it wasn't intentional, by any means, but it just happened.

    i saw him and realized it.

    and then he kept talking to me and one thing lead to another, and it just happened.

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  • Maybe because he can? Maybe because he's bored and just enjoys the thrill of getting girls left to right and getting away with it? I mean, not everyone see relationships as anything serious or sacred. He's young and probably doesn't want to get tied down right now. That's not to say I'm all for him cheating on his girl, but hey, there are some people in the world who really just don't care.

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  • people with perfect relationships don't cheat. There is more to it than what you just see as an outsider. He's a jerk.

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  • A lot of people cheat because they simply had the chance/because they wanted some change into their sex lives/their recent partner didn't satisfie them. Cheating has nothing to do with loving that mistress or loving their partners any less.

    Men think about other women all the time, even when they're with an amazing girl. But it doesn't mean they're cheating on their girls. Men aren't made to be monogamous.

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  • Because the cheater is selfish!

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  • That is because they didn't like each other enough in the first place.

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  • thats just weird and mean of him

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  • Because guys want it all, && girls don't like that. Boys want it all && life is not like that

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  • maybe they aren't getting enough attention from ther girlfriend/boyfriend or they don't like their girlfriend/boyfriend that much, or they are conceited and think they should have anyone they want plus their gf/bf... who knows.

    kudoos to you for not helping him cheat.

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  • I agree with you. I don't understand it myself. Maybe he loves her, but is not 'in love' with her. Based on your age, maybe he knows that she is someone he will be with for now, or for awhile, but possibly not the LAST (the forever person). I believe, from what I have seen and read, that guys flirt with other women so that they know they have options. He doesn't seem to love her as much as he lets on. Be thankful you are not in her position because SHE is the one who is in a bd spot...a boyfriend who cheats. Luckily you have seen who he is.

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