Should I be my ex's "friend"?

Me and my ex dated for almost 4 years all throughout high school and our first year of college. Our first year of college I went away and she was home, it was hard to do the long distance relationship but we managed and now this past semester she moved to a school much closer to where I go. In the beginning of the semester this year I panicked, I have no idea why I just thought we were getting way to close and we were talking about marriage and big things like getting an apartment together. I was also getting pressured by friends to make the best of my college years because its supposed to be the best time of my life, I was still very curious to date other girls and even become sexually involved with other girls because my ex was the only girl I really even dated and we did everything together. I broke up with her and I have to admit it wasn't a good break up, I was much more mean than I should have been and I regret it all now my emotions and confusion just took over. About a week later she told me she started to like some kid that lived in her dorm and she told me that she had hooked up with him..At the time I thought I was done with her but I didn't realize how much I still wanted her until she was gone, I slept with another girl. a few days later she had asked me if I had gotten with any girls and I didn't want to lie about it so I told her and she completely freaked on me.There's been trust issues ever since and I have tried to get back with her for the past few months but she tells me she still loves me but doesn't no if she's "in love" with me anymore and that she still cares for me and always wants to be there for me no matter what. She wants us to both see other people and says that we never know what can happen in the future that we might end up back together. the thing is that she still gets really jealous when I talk to other girls, but she is almost about to go out with this new guy and told me that she wanted both of us to start seeing other people? I know I f***ed up by getting with that other girl and have been trying to prove to her that she is the only one for me so even while she has still been talking to this kid from her dorm, I have been avoiding other girls and have not been moving on, and I've told her this. This winter break we hung out a bunch of times, everything was perfect. She would say that she wanted to just chill as friends and do nothing sexual but we still had sex and I was even staying over her house. Then this kid visits her over the break and everything goes terrible. we went from talking multiple times a day (her calling me) to barely talking, I'm sure he doesn't want her talking to me but she's told me that she wanted me in her life no matter what he thinks. Some people tell me that I should just completely ignore her so she realizes how much she misses me and other people say I should stay her friend and show her that I changed and really want her to be the girl for me for the rest of our lives. What do I do?


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What Girls Said 1

  • Its going to be very difficult when you both do get back together with an ex. The trust issues aren't going to get any better it'll be worst now that you both know you guys were with someone else so quickly after. I think that once there an ex, they stay an ex. You decided to move on for a reason, and went with your guts. You have to own that and live up to it. People don't know what they have til they lose it. Sometimes it takes losing something to appreciate it. Just learn from this experience. Take this time to focus on yourself, and when you least expect it someone will come around.

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What Guys Said 1

  • So is your ex like... officially with this guy?

    Be honest for a moment, do you still love her (don't need to answer that online, just ask yourself), or were you just upset to see her moving on? You've got to know these things, because if you're just upset and jealous that she's moved on, then you're only making the situation worse. Sometimes you have to let go; however... if you do genuinely still love her... then...

    Chase her. You both made some mistakes and made some regrets. Let her know your stupidity, let her know about your panics, but let her know also about your love for her. Tell her that things may be damaged from the mistake you made, but that you want to move past it, "start over" if you have to... but don't allow yourself to just be apart of her life if she's going to still be after these other guys, because then you're just on a leash and you'll never be able to move on. She'll find a guy if not the guy she's already with, and you'll still be without a love of your own trying to win her back. If she has moved on, you have to move on as well... BUT... you have to take time in doing so. Don't sleep with her and all that, because then you'll still be under her thumb... wait a while and enjoy the single life (without getting involved with girls in a relationship type manner) til it feels that time has been alloted and you can pursue another girl.

    Final note, if you try to get back to her and have that talk of starting over, let her know then and there about marriage and stuff, "chill-out" and take it one step at a time.

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