Guys, My ex has moved on and it’s destroying me?

I broke up with my ex boyfriend 5 months ago, after 11 years, calling of our wedding in the process. We have 2 kids together. I called it off because we weren’t getting along, we spent little to zero qualty time together, we argued constantly and I was just generally unhappy and couldn’t envision the rest of my life playing out like that.

He told me a week ago that he is now seeing another woman and it has destroyed me. I can’t eat, sleep or even breathe. I have been prescribed antidepressants but nothing is helping with the pain.

I stupidly and embarrassing begged him back but has said no, although he has admitted he still loves and misses me and looks at my pictures, the pain I have caused him is too great and he is terrified to go through that again.

What I am basically asking is, is there a chance? Will this new woman turn into anything serious? The thought of them being together and him forgetting about me kills me! Although we have kids I have told him, I can’t see or speak to him for the time being as its too painful so we are going through mutual friends at the moment but its killing me not hearing from him and i’m sat here thinking does he even think of me anymore? Did 11 years and 2 kids not mean anything or not enough that he can jump unto bed with someone else so quickly?

I am mess and I need help!

0|0
13

Most Helpful Guys

  • I don't understand. First you wanted to end the relationship AND call off your wedding. Then after a few months you're emotionally dying because you want him back?

    I disagree with most of the hateful comments many have given you.

    1. No one goes into ANY relationship with the intent of being miserable. Whatever the arguments were about, they're done and no longer there. Enjoy the peace you now have.

    2. You made the decision to end things because you saw zero future in what was happening. Time to live with your decisions.

    3. Believe it or not, you had a part in the relationship that drove it to its end. Figure out what part YOU played and remember to NOT be like that in the future.

    4. I kinda know what you're going through. My ex ended our nearly 15 year marriage with a letter to me in my suitcase when I left for a business trip. I had zero warning from her about this.

    5. Being upset is normal and emotionally distraught - acceptable, considering you basically went through a divorce without the legal proceedings. However, time is taking you forward but you're looking backwards. At some point (VERY SOON) you need to quit looking back at what you had, and look forward to what will be.

    6. You cannot control your ex, what he does, with whom, and when. All you can do is expect he'll be a good father to your two kids. What you CAN do is be the best mom you can for them. They need you. Your job is to focus on them AND take care of yourself - because no one else will.

    Finally, I wish you the best. I really do. Life absolutely can have some VERY hateful moments. Come out of them knowing you WILL survive and go on.

    0|0
    0|0
  • I see..."i broke up with..."
    I see..."..5 months"...
    I see..." after 11 years"..
    I see..".. calling off our wedding"...
    I see.."i am a mess.." i totally agree...

    Thing is, i think you were a mess from the start. Hell, im surprised he didn't start dating this woman almost immediately. How do you dump someone, pretty much destroying everything, then feel bad about the outcome?

    You brought this one on yourself boo boo. The way i see it... you had it all, but you just.. had.. to... do.. that... stupid... female... shit. Always gotta go Oliver Twist on a guy. a guy gives 1, you want 2, he gives 5 now you want 8.
    You had it all... Time, an impending marriage, kids... but you probably wanted more... he couldn't deliver because he thought he had done enough. but you still fucking wanted more and arguments ensued. You know... im putting myself in his situation... this guy is way too nice. You would not believe what i would have done out of spite.

    You are gonna have to do what every guy does when the situation is reversed... you are gonna have to grovel. Thats pretty much it.
    Honestly, i dont think he has moved on, i think he is giving what you THREW AWAY, to someone he thinks will APPRECIATE it better.

    here's the part i call the most fucked up... you called off the marriage... wow. you women smh... do you even know the amount of fear a man has when he proposes.. and being engaged... knowing what is coming up and what he is giving up.. and after all that effort, you just call it off, in a snap, like its nothing... over what seems like greed. I would have married one of the bridesmaids... right there and then. the wedding would have gone on lol... thats just me.

    Grovel... thats what you are gonna have to do... oh... and I don't know why... but i think my first 5 lines already had the topics. lol... what an unplanned coincidence. so let me end with what you should do for each topic...

    ---apologize
    ---apologize
    ---appeal, review, reminisce
    ---apologize
    ---emphasize

    0|0
    0|0
    • Thank you for your honesty

    • Its what i do... you are very welcome. I can appreciate the complexity... but can't really sympathize. My sympathy for women is... like... teeny, partly because of.. well... them pulling stunts like ^^^ this.

      I think you should let this eat at you for a while. remember that saying "you dont know what you have until its gone"... yea.. you should contemplate that for a minute... then give it another shot. like i said... i dont think he has moved on. There is way too much to move on from.

Recommended Questions

Loading...

Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 11

  • Wow lol I can't stop laughing at you. You broke up with him. Get over it and move on. You made your choice to leave him, now you have no say in what he does or who he sees.

    Fucking women, figure out what the hell you want before you go tearing apart your relationship/family. You did this, it's your fault he's seeing another woman and you have no right to complain or be upset. Get over yourself with that whole "does 11 years and 2 kids mean anything..." bullshit, that is just something you use to emotionally string others along, it obviously meant nothing to you when you dumped him.

    There is one thing I agree with you on, you're a mess. Don't think there is much in terms of help for you at this point though. All you can do is change yourself and hope that you get another chance to show him how different you are now. Help/fix yourself, in my opinion too many women expect others to help them with things that they should really be doing themselves. It's like a guy who askes his girlfriend's best friend to go and apologize for him because he'd probably screw it up.

    0|0
    0|0
    • wow, i thought i was the only one who thought like this.. well, i know im not the only one, but its always nice to meet new people who have transcended the pussy and dont give out pussy passes nor sympathize just because they have a vagina...

      FOLLOW!!! We are gonna have some fun... i hope you have Takes... i know i do...

    • @Tdieseler I agree, more and more men seem to be enlightened every month though. You can't just let women get away with bullshit just because of the vagina. Giving them sympathy when they fuck things up for themselves is why many women today lack responsibility.

      I'll follow you back, I don't think I have any takes at the moment, but perhaps I will put one out sometime.

    • or we can collaborate. I have a ton i haven't put out yet. Thanks for the follow.

      and damn straight... thats why they feel they can do no wrong. Their little go-to is to get "upset"... and watch every guy in the vicinity scramble to apologize lol.. me? i love seeing them upset... let them stew in it and think about what they have done. I can understand if they are upset about something legitimate like i planned a date she was looking forward to and ended up cancelling. But getting upset because i didn't call to say good night? go fuck yourself lol.

      They can't stand guys who are just honest... used to guys pandering to everything for them.. so its a shock when they meet a guy that is like "hell no". Then the name calling starts, ass, jerk, douche, lonely, angry... etc. I even get "you will die alone"... to which i told them, at least i'll die happy lol

  • I think I know what you're experiencing, it's sort of like the reality of everything has hit you all at once, right? I had a similar experience when it was revealed that my girlfriend had a fiancé she forgot to mention. I coincidentally sat down right beside them at my favorite bar in my last week of college, and seeing them together felt like my soul was getting ripped out of my body. My solution was to put as much distance from the situation as I could.

    He is going through a rebound relationship, so it's not likely to last, but it's way way way less likely that you two will ever be happy together. You have lived your lives together for so long that you don't know how to live your life without him. Now you are seeing that he can live his life without you, and there was probably a part of you that thought and hoped that that would never happen. When you broke things off, you had your reasons, and he had to accept those reasons. As painful as that experience was for him, he's trying to move on with his life, and this rebound relationship is part of his way to make sense of things.

    0|0
    0|0
  • You probably broke his heart and this new relationship is a rebound. You dont have a right to judge him. You ended things. You dont get to judge how he deals with that.
    Is there a chance? Well, what's changed from when you were arguing? All the reasons you use for calling things off are still there. And if they can be worked on, why did you not do that rather than ending it?
    For both your sakes move on

    0|0
    0|0
  • Serves you right. Don't throw away thing you want to keep, we won't wait for you. Also, you did this. Don't EVER try to lay that on him. Just let him be happy and grow up already.

    0|0
    0|0
  • Sorry to hear that that's happening to you. I will say that eleven years is a long time and all, but just because there were a prior eleven years doesn't make the *here and now* any different necessarily.

    0|0
    0|0
  • U say it's so quick but there is no time limit on moving on you broke up with him so how did u think he wouldn't get with another women that's what single people do and unfortanuntly yes it's possible he will get serious with her

    0|0
    0|0
  • Kind of the natural consequence of you breaking up with him.

    0|0
    0|0
  • I need to know the reasons why you guys weren't getting along, is it because of you or him?

    0|0
    0|0
  • So he can’t be happy, but you can? Well, I guess you can’t. 😬

    0|0
    0|0
  • I think broken heart can't never be similar to before. So if I hade this situation I try to make new friends. I know it's so hard but I try to make new life with another guy about 5 year ago I hade problem like your problems it's was so bad days no eating sleeping or laughing just broke I was like you until I make new friends so know if she want to back again I never can't accept her because I think I was blind I just see her but know I see world is so big with many people who can be together with more fun more love more fantastic times

    0|0
    0|0
    • I really want to help you because I know how are hard these days. But you be sure you laugh at these times 1 years later

  • you want what you can't have

    0|0
    0|0

Recommended myTakes

Loading...