My girlfriend of 2 years broke up with me, but still contacts me daily?

So my girlfriend and I dated for just about 2 years. we were, in a very serious relationship. I will admit that she is a few years younger than myself and lived a bit of a more sheltered life before college. having already been in college I did my best to expose her t the world she never saw. okay, so back to the story...Just before our two year anniversary, I get the "we need to talk" message. after a tearful conversation, she decided that she wants to take a break. I was fine with it, and very understanding, and have always been understanding with her (its in my nature). I did not contact her at all the next day, however SHE began contacting me. It has been close to year that we've been broken up, but she still contacts me frequently, almost daily. we hooked up once within a few weeks of breaking up, but I understand that's just cause of the intense feelings still there.

Just a few months ago we actually got into a bit of a fight because I confronted her about how she treats me and about the lack of clarity with our breakup. she finally admitted that she wanted to break up with me so that she could be free. she didn't want to hurt me by hooking up with random people at school. That's fine, I respect that and understand that totally. But what hurts me more is the fact that she still contacts me frequently; when she's in bad moods, good moods, bored, lonely, whatever. when she's home, I am the first person she contacts to hang out with. When we are together she laughs, jokes, grabs my arms, give me long hearty hugs. she even sighs at the end of the night when I drop her off after we hang out.

We have talked about it and she says she still loves me and will always love me, and I the same. I just don't know if I can cut contact with her. we are best friends. we each have hooked up with other people since, but we each got jealous when we found out.

I just don't get her sometimes. She wants the perks of the relationship without the relationship, and its slowly killing me inside.

what the heck ladies?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Listen... YOU HAVE BECOME THE EMOTIONAL TAMPON! You must take a stand, and STOP communicating with her. She KNOWS how you feel about her and she is just wasting your time. She knows you are always going to be there for her and you are understanding. You are the nice reliable guy, and it's working against you. What happens when she finds someone else and tells you, "This just happened". Where will that leave you? More broken than you are now, without her all together, and a front row seat to her new relationship. This is where you are right now. You are her "friend", but hang with her like you were in the relationship you were in, except the intimasy and commitment. If you were to make a move she will say, "whoa whoa there, we are just friends". She will feel "awkward", you will feel stupid, and will still remain confused. You're going to have to stop this, but don't tell her anything. You are going to have to move on, and away from her in order to fully heal. If you keep this up you will fall apart. You are the nice guy, that's about to finish last. She is getting her kicks over it, getting all her "needs" from you met, boosting her ego, and setting you up for more pain. Move on ASAP.

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    • ...I know she feels that this is what she should be doing, and who's to blame her. However, when we talk about "us" she never says that we are through. I know, just by who she is as a person, that within another year or so she is going to want to be with me again. THAT is the hardest part about moving on. I don't see a purpose in dating other people if I know its not going to be the real thing.And I don't respond to her sometimes when she contacts, but when I finally do,i get a million more qstns

    • 1: You will never know if it's going to be the real thing with someone else unless you acually try. 2: Of course she's not going to tell you that you two are through because she will lose all her advantages and power over you. 3: After all of this, you are still defending her and her actions. NEVER put your feelings or love in front of common sense. If she wanted a relationshp with you, you would already be in one. She knows she can have you, and that's why you don't have her. Challenge her...

    • yeah you're absolutely right. I just don't know if I want to lay into her and let her have it, or just cut ties and let her second-guess herself. either way it puts me back in front. I just know her and whatever way I do it, she will second-guess herself, then listen to her friends terrible advice. I just know that she needs to grow up a bit and learn the world ain't all about her. thank you

Have an opinion?

What Girls Said 1

  • It sounds to me like it's time to cut the ties. It can be really hard when you break up with someone if they're your best friend, and you put it perfectly that she wants all the perks without the label. In my experience, I've found that if I completely cut ties with someone until the feelings subside, I can talk to them again and be their friend without all those complications. Before you can truly move on, you need to sort out your feelings towards her. And remember that even though you love her, you need to do what's best for you.

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What Guys Said 2

  • Buddy, you are being used. You are currently her emotional security blanket. She is not putting your feelings in priority, she is only thinking of herself. She has come to terms with breaking up with you because she still has an emotional attachment to you.

    You are being done wrong to the fullest and you need to get out. If you still love her, you need to let her know that she needs time to get herself together and figure out what she really wants to do with you. The only way that is going to happen is if you leave her and cease contact. I am not saying abandon her. She is contacts you and wants you and a relationship back, than you will have to take charge and let her know your expectations. Neither one of you are being fair to your other dating partners. Confusion can really do a lot of damage to a man's emotions.

    I just got dumped because I made the wrong choices with my confusion. I gave her an easy outlet to get rid of me. In truth, I should have gotten away from her because she reminds me of how your ex is acting sometimes.

    You know what you deserve, you deserve a lady that will respect your emotions and feelings not just her own. You are being used! Don't play that game with her, let her know what is up and what you demand and than see what she decides to do. ALot of women do this crap when they know 100 percent that the guy will be there and want her. Most women prefer men they can not figure out, sadly, those are the types of men that get all of the woman. In your case, she fully knows and believes that she can have you ANYTIME SHE WANTS, thus she knows and more likely feels that she doesn't have to take your feelings seriously. Get out of there and let her know what is up my friend.

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    • But here's the thing, its not like she contacts me to talk about herself or anything. 90% of the time she talks to me its to say hi, or to find out about what's going on in my life. the other 10% is her telling me she aced a test or received an award. I know I have to cut ties with her, but its just hard. she embodies everything I look for in a woman. However, I really think its her age that is the killer. All of her friends at home and at school are single women who galavant about town...

    • Ever heard of the emotional rollorcoaster? Google it sometime my friend because that's what you are on right now. Until she wants and tells you that she wants to be with you, you have move on. How much longer do you plan to keep this headache within you? When she is ready for somethjing serious with you, she will let you know, but in the meantime you have to snap out of it and move forward

  • heres what ya do, ask her out for a few drinks, NOT YOUR PLACE, somewhere casual. at one point she will need to use the bathroom or go do something I don't know... the point is she won't be looking at her drinks 100 % of the time, and when she's not pour some draino in her drink. don't ask why but trust me... you will be problem free by the end of the night :)

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