Would you forgive a cheater?

I cheated on my boyfriend (of 2 years) with a coworker for 4 months, then broke up with him because I felt so guilty. I never told him the truth, I left him confused and heartbroken. Now, (5 months later) I still feel guilty for not telling him the truth and top of that I still love him, but I can't imagine a person would forgive such a long affair..

Updates:
So don't tell him the truth? should I just forget bout him?

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Most Helpful Guy

  • tell him the truth.

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What Guys Said 20

  • No I would not take back a cheating whore.REALLY you cheating on him for 4 months and then claim to love him? Honey, you do not love a man if you cheat on him for that long, nonetheless cheat on him in the first place. Do not tell him the truth, you will only make his complexities and ego worse than it was before. Hey you know what they say, once a cheater always a cheater...have a fun life.

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  • No. Cheaters don't deserve forgiveness. Never forgive, never forget. You shouldn't tell him the truth if it's been this long. He's probably moved on and it'll just cause him so much pain and misery and all so you can feel better? Selfish. Take your pain and learn from it. Don't ever get back with him, don't contact him, let him move on and find someone who deserves him. I don't care how bad this makes you feel, you made your choice, you screwed up, you deserve the consequences for your actions. If you truly are in pain over it, maybe you should realize this and grow from it (it sounds like you have) and move on yourself and find someone else.

    Though, I'd personally tell whoever you have an interest in who is interest in you of this (well if they ever ask about your past). Give them the truth, give them the results and how you've changed and let them then choose to put trust into you. If they don't well it was likely not to work out anyways.

    I am very curious, why did you cheat?

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    • We started off as friends with benefits and after going out nothing changed. We were too different and I wasn't satisfied. The guy from work started off as an emotional affair. For a while it worked; I got the physical relationship with guy#1 and emotional with guy#2. But eventually guy#2 wanted to date. Unlike guy#1, I couldn't trust guy#2. I didn't want to loose guy#1 as a hook up, but I knew that breaking up with him would do that (he liked being labeled GF/BF). I was dumb!

    • I see. Well, just leave it as is. Learn how much it was bad and how much it'd probably hurt you. Just move on and find another and be faithful to him from now on.

  • phuck you and phuck cheaters...you suck, you should have ended it b4 you cheated you stupid w.hore

    i hate cheaters, you all are selfish and irresponsible...go phuck yourselves

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  • hmm tough one. if you tell the truth you'll hurt him. do what you want I would never take you back if you cheated. four months is a long affair...and to make matters worlse you broke up with him.

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  • You're going to go to bed easy because you tell him, he's going to sleep worse because you told him. From experience, do him a favor and think about his feelings on this one before your own. He's moved on, let him. Now work on finding someone else you can love and remember to never cheat and to always be honest when you break up...if he could forgive a cheater and you told him when you broke up ...you might be with him today, but chances are slim to none he's going to want to come back after hearing this.

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  • No pleasure No pain...be faithful and make up for it by loving him or being better or don't and cheat but don't expect to clear it from your chest and then alls foregiven. Doesn't work that way and NO I wouldn't foregive you for cheating and find someone that would be faithful.

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  • Yes I think you should leave him alone. Here's why: its 5 months after you left him. He doesn't need further insecurities by you telling him you cheated on him. I have been in a similar situation, and I'm happy I haven't told the other person (so far). If its forgiveness you seek than I suggest you change your goals. If its openness, it seems like doing a good thing but for with mainly bad results for others... if we had told them earlier it might have been different...

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  • When I was cheated on, she never told me. I asked her friends about who she's been with and come to find out she was dating other guys while "dating" me. Personally, its unforgivable. It's just such a huge breach of trust and indication of a lack of honest communication. After that, I couldn't even be friends, let alone consider a relationship again. But to each their own.

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  • I would say f*** you and sleep with your mom. Than we could be a couple again.

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  • never ever

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  • Yes, tell him the truth. It's going to make you feel better in the long run and it will help you grow mentally, do the right thing.

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  • At least tell him because he's gonna beat himself up about it if he doesn't know why. Who knows he might want you back anyway

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  • I personally wouldn't let a girl disrespect me like that. If I find out that a girlfriend cheated on me then she becomes dead to me. Other guys who don't have many options or fall in love easily might stick around.

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  • Simple NO, because if you loved him you would not have done it in the first place. even if it was not intentionally you should not have...thats how I c it

    reason for this is just came out of a 5 year relationship cause of the same thing

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  • dont tell him. move on. you F****D up. learn from your mistake. don't do it again if you are in a relationship ever again. if he takes you back he's one strong person, or a fool.

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  • I would, but I have doormat tendencies.

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    • He is bit of a doormat. But that makes it worse, I want him to genuinely forgive me. I kind of know he'll take me back..

    • If I was cheated on, but got a genuine apology and could see real remorse, then I'd take her back in a heartbeat, once. I would be totally done if I was cheated on more than once.

  • No . I fell in love with a co worker, she has a boyfriend and that is why I pushed her away and it broke my heart to do that . Now she hates me and I told her I have feelings for her and that is why I pushed her away. If she dose like me and she cheats on him she could do the same with me.

    I have been cheated on and it sucks big time, now I can't trust a girl any more .

    how would you feel if he did that to you?

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  • lol I always wonder how women deal with these long affairs

    when you are in a committed relationship but for 4 months you are lying on your back like a good little whore for another man, don't you ever have a moment where you question what your doing?

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  • I doubt he's going to forgive you. I wouldn't.

    You're a moron. You cheated (for 4 months), left him in the dark after an unexplained breakup, say you still "love" him, and then complain about how guilty YOU feel? Nobody cares about how you feel. You deserve to live with the guilt. If you're going to tell him, stop trying to work out ways to get around the inevitable sh*t-storm, suck it up, and take responsibility for your actions. If you decide not to tell him, do it for his sake and not your own.

    Personally, I'd want to know if for no other reason than to get tested for an entire alphabet's worth of STDs (given I'd have to assume you carry the diseases to go along with your inner-whore).

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    • O I know I was moron & a whore. I don't expect him to forgive me. I asked this question because I still care about him, I don't think he's dated since. We used protection so diseases aren't an issue, It's more his sanity I'm worried about.

    • You're worried about his sanity? You still care about him? Not enough apparently. You had a four month relationship on the side, remember?

      I don't know the guy so I can't say how either course of action would affect him. You're just going to have to figure it out.

  • I would never forgive you becuse then I'd always have that suspition in the back of my head and no trust makes for a bad relationship! I would learn from this and move on!

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    • It might not hurt to tell him if he has no idea of why you dumped him!

What Girls Said 17

  • My ex cheated on me, and I still have issues about trusting guys, because I now expect the worst from everyone and feel like I'm not good enough to keep them happy. It really broke my self esteem. What you did was betray his trust, he put everything he had into the relationship, and it still wasn't enough for you not to need something on the side.

    Im going to say this from personal experience, don't say anything unless there is a good chance he will find out anyway. Is it worth hurting him, making him feel inadequate, and bringing up past feelings when you already hurt him so much before, just because you feel guilty and want to get it off your chest so you can sleep easy at night?

    This is something you did, you should live with the guilt, don't make him feel bad for something that was caused by your lack of self control, because he won't see it that way, he will just see it as something he did that made it happen. So keep it to yourself, you aren't together anymore, he has probably moved on and is happy not knowing the real reason. What you did was your decision, its your cross to bear, not his.

    And if your telling him in the hopes that he will forgive you, I think you should just let him go and be happy with someone who will actually treat him right the first time around. Sorry for being so harsh, but like I said, I have been there and it sucks. I would have rather not known, and just moved on with my life.

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    • totally agree. thanks.

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    • I disagree, you should tell him and let him decide. You are sick and twisted if you think that lying and building a relationship with lies will work.

    • Thanks for best answer :).

      @ericneo, she's not building a relationship with him anymore, their relationship has ended and there is no chance of getting back together, she is just wondering if she should tell him just to get it off her chest, but doing that won't change anything, it'll just make it worse. I think you mis-read the question a bit.

  • I could never forgive a cheater. I have been cheated on twice by two different boyfriends. It hurts too bad and every time you look at them all you see is someone else there. I'd just leave him alone and let him be happy.

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  • Don't tell him the truth, that would hurt the poor guy more. Let him find someone deserving of his love because if you've don e it once you may do it again. Sorry to be cruel but you should learn from the mistake and the only way you'll ;earn is through suffering for what you did. I was cheated on and it nearly killed me. My self-esteem was rock bottom and I felt it was because of me. If you do tell him I would say it was a one night thing and you really regret it IF you really and trule and REALLLLLy regret it and love him. But question why you would do that to someone you loved in the first place and perhaps you'll find he wasn't the one for you and you are best to let him go rather than try and fix something that was already broken. If it is meant to be it will be. Good luck!

    P.S I forgave my boyfriend and he did it AGAIN and then AGAIN...

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  • I'll forgive everyone, but I won't date a cheater.

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  • I think telling him now would most likely only be bad.

    You are either going to undo some of the healing and moving on he has done in this time, which is like hurting him twice or your just gonna make him hate you and be distrustful of you. Even if he did want to give it another go, recovering from cheating is a long hard road, and things are often never the same.

    You really need to get it clear in your mind whether you really do still love him or whether you are confused about your feelings cause you know you've hurt him and done the wrong thing by him... Because if you do decide to tell him and aren't clear on that you are likely to hurt him again.

    Sorry

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  • Well I cheated once but I told my girlfriend and she basically said if I did anything again she would leave me so overnight I completely changed cause when you love someone you would do anything for them. As for telling him if he's moved on don't tell him cause you'll upset him for no reason. As for you don't ever cheat on anyone again cause if it happens to you you'll see how much it hurts.

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  • i have never cheated on my boyfriend but for some reason I always get cheated on so here is what I think is you were on the wrong and no you don't or didn't love him because that is not love and no don't tell him if you guys sre broken up let him move forward with his life don't be the reason of his hurt any more you just have to learn to forgive your self for what you did wrong the hurt that a cheater can cause is very damaging

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  • Nope because how do I know it wouldn't happen again?

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  • Seriously I find this ridiculous... Ur between the age of 18-24, I've been with my guy since I was a teen, I cheated at first with his bro... Vry bad I know... But I'm not a whore thanx! Nd your not either! Honey your young, when your young you get to make mistakes, that's the point of growing up, if you want to tell him for good reason.. Like you still love him and want to try nd Work it out nd think there might be a chance... Baby you take it! Listen to all these jerks, sry I've hurt people nd people hurt me... I told my boyfriend nd we're still together.. No breaks on nd off... Some people can work it out. It's called trust and honesty, on both parts! Staying together for along time is hard work, I'm almost 30 Hun... Ur just starting, don't beat yourself up

    To bad! Shit happens you live nd you learn! Well you hope you learn:-)

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  • I don't understand if you were happy and you loved him why would you cheat on him? If you ever want to get back with this guy you need to be honest and tell him because without trust you don't have a healthy relationship. My ex cheated on me for the whole five years we were together and finally told me.

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    • Someone cheated on you for the whole 5 years you were together? Wtf... I mean, first, if that's really your image, you're hot. What the hell was he thinking? Second, I mean.. for 5 years? How f***ing selfish was he? You shoulda cut his balls off.

    • lol he was a very manipulative person and he made me feel bad about myself all the time. He still tries to talk to me but I just refuse to have anything to do with him..

  • My long term boyfriend cheated on me with my bestfriend. I forgave him, then 6 months later he cheated on me with another so called female friend. Eh, I know when you love someone its hard to move on - but if you stay, you'll always be looking over your shoulder and wondering when he'll do it again. So personally, no, don't forgive him. There are so many better people out there. :)

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  • Please forget about him. Dude has probably dealth with it and moved on and thinks you are a whore.

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  • No.

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  • you need to tell your boyfriend the truth and explain that you were a lying cheating whore

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  • tell the co-worker that it was a mistake and that you have a boyfriend.

    and then just hope your boyfriend doesn't find out.

    but you cheated for a reason, maybe your boyfriend isn't doing it for you.

    you should figure out your reason and then move on.

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  • I didn't cheat on my boyfriend but we both liked each other and knew it, but we were long distance..and than I met a guy closer to me, and was with him.. I told my boyfriend (of now) and he was really upset, we still talked.. and I still liked him.. So I told the guy closer to me, because it was unfair to be in a relationship and caring for someone else. and me and the long distance guy got back together. andddddd to this day he says that I hurt him so much when all this happened...2 years later. Tell him, but he'll probably always use it against you.

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  • I could never forgive someone for cheating on me...no matter how long the affair was.

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    • Just leave him alone. You've hurt him enough.

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