How long did it take you to move on from someone you thought you loved?

My ex told me she loved me and how one day we will get married. A big argument the next day and she dumped me. I tried begging and apologizing but it made it worse. She told me I am now the most hated person in her life. 2 days later she is dating/ sleeping with someone else. So as a dumper, how long did it take you to move on from someone you loved?

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Most Helpful Girls

  • I think that if she could do that to you, one day talking about marriage, the next about breakup, and sleeping with somebody else so soon, then she's not worth it. I'm sorry to tell you this, but she is not worth your energy and thoughts.

    I don't know over what subject your argument was, and I can't say that whether you were at fault or not, but she could have been talking to and/or seeing somebody else while she was with you, and your breakup just gave her the optimal opportunity to pursue this other guy. Just my logical analyses and thoughts.

    If she could date and worse, sleep with somebody so soon, she's not a quality girl, and not your wifey material. You wouldn't want a wife who would divorce you in a day, and get over you so quickly, would you?

    I understand that you are entitled to grieve over your breakup, but I'm just presenting you some facts and letting you know that you don't need to stress yourself over somebody who isn't worth your energy.

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    • 6d

      You are right. The fight was over her past. when we first started talking she told me she was over her past and hadn’t seen them all year. Later I found out she was sexting one a week before we talked, met him a month before and they kissed, had a convo with him after saying she was done. No mention of her being done with him. She blocked him then.
      And I think she was talking. About 2 weeks before our fight my parents found out and they wanted me to block her cause they don’t like her. But we still pursued eachother but took a step back.
      She even told me about this guy. Saying how others think they flirt a lot. She told me “I told them I have someone we are just busy” then showed me their convos. 20+ snaps in one day. I told her I trust her. Then a week after that she was with him. Sleeping with him and meeting his family.

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    • 5d

      Ugh see? You got yourself into it
      But don't feel bad about it, it made you stronger and more experienced
      Throw it behind your back bud and make sure it doesn't happen again, she's a whore with several mental diseases

      Find better girls at a library or something, a girl who's surely more educated and cultured and doesn't open her legs for anyone
      A girl who isn't a slut basically

    • 5d

      @FragileSnowflake You are right I don't know what I was thinking. She told me she changed and wouldn't go after any guy if we didn't make it.
      My friends were so shocked I chose her. I am going to medical school next year. And she is 5 years older and still in community college. She is also an illegal immigrant and her family cannot speak any English.

  • I'm sorry that happened to you.
    I don't know what you liked about her or what you saw in her, but she's a terrible person; mean, unkind, dishonest, lack of character, revengeful, arrogant... I could go on even though I don't know any of you.

    Sadly, even though you may already know all this, it may still take some time for you to get over her depending on what she meant to you and how much you opened yourself to her. Either way, the time will come when you will thank God you didn't wasted more time with her and will appreciate the lesson you got from this: being able to better judge people.

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    • 7d

      I know she is this but the funny part is I still love her like I did when I first told her. And although she hurt me bad, I still love her.
      But you are right. She gave red flags in the begining that all my friends told me to take seriously but I was just in love I ignored them.

    • 7d

      Dare I say, you love who she could potentially be - but is not.
      It's always a shame, but there are are some "loves" that are unhealthy and cannot be fed.
      It's better to focus and appreciate the people who were always there and cared for us, like possibly those friends who shared their opinion with you.

    • 7d

      You are so right. In my mind I chalked up this girl who learned from her past and changed for me. But people never change.

Most Helpful Guys

  • she's not emotionally stable and hadn't resolved her past relationship. I've talked extensively with another gal that age, nice gal, wonderful person... but emotionally has problems that are hard to deal with. Was this one... Black and white thinker? moods shift on a dime, attacks you? I doubt you want that pain. Readup on Borderline Personality Disorder as one possible scenario, read what other men and women deal with and how hard it is. You should because for some reason you were drawn to this person and she's not stable. Somethings wrong on her side, double check what you learned about yourself if there is something damaged (because if it is BPD... they attract caregivers, nice push over guys, etc..). Otherwise, just move on and look for a better person.

    takes years. I've heard 1 year for every 3 in relationship to cleanse. Some faster than others, but not 2 days.

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    • 5d

      She had a very troubled past. She had a boyfriend, dumped him went to a friends with benefits, then back to the boyfriend, then back to the friends with benefits. Never told the boyfriend about it.
      When we talked she told me she doesn’t deal with exes nor seen them. But that was a lie. Worse her exes were technically family members.
      And my family hated her. So we actually took a step back about 2 weeks before the official breakup. But still talked everyday. Even blocked a girl for her during that time frame because she made me.

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    • 5d

      don't take any of what happened personally, it's all about her. her emotions are all over, she's the walking dead if you will... in terms of love. This is only a medical case for you to learn. Next girl, run past family for approval. Good you have boundaries and held them, that is surprising she didn't push them over.

    • 5d

      She did push the third base but I really just let it happen. I didn't want it at first. And that caused a lot of problems between us as I didn't want to move that quick.
      And I 100% agree with you. My family needs to approve of the next one before I go far.

  • Ouch same happened to me took me 8 months. My advice is no comfort sex. It will only hurt you worse like dating before your ready. My ex was cheating when she said those things and the next day posted a new best man picture on her social media. Calling me a loser after I tried talking with her about the break up. Needless to say it was over a long time before she hurt me.

    It will take time to get trust in people but take that time to do you man.

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    • 4d

      Yea there were warning signs with this girl. When we were in the talking phase, she told me she hadn't dealt or met with any ex. Only to lead them on. Found out she was sexting one a week before we talked and met him a month before.
      We took a step back as my family interfered with us:
      She wanted me to block females and I did.
      She told me about the guy she is with now and how others say they flirt a lot. Showed me their group convos. But I went to their private one. Saw 30 snaps in one day. Then about 2 days after the official BU she was with him. Posting snaps of leaving his house in the morning.

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    • 3d

      Well then time to block her and work on you.

    • 3d

      Yes I feel confident with myself again. Just hate how I begged for her

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Have an opinion?

What Girls Said 30

  • Delete her from everything, block her. No contact. Show her that she’s a piece of trash and that you’re not gonna take that anymore. You don’t need to look st that stuff anyway

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    • 3d

      Yea I blocked her just feel bad as I was begging and crying to her for a week while she was with him. I am so dumb

  • Depending how long you were with her? And also you go through steps by steps to get over a love relationship, and at your own time. It usually takes 2 years or more, but everyone has their own way of dealing with a break up, hope for the best.

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    • 7d

      Two years is too long and it is depressing to wait that long..80% of feeling will disappear in a month the rest within three

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    • 7d

      I am trying... I really miss her.

    • 7d

      I know... you are in the grieving stage, take your time as much as you can. Cheers kiddo. 🙂

  • Probably a year but it's not that I don't love him anymore , I just learnt to accept things weren't going to work out between us and I have been trying to move on ever since but I still have some feelings for him and they will probably never go till I find someone who can love me back in way I love them.

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  • I am the staying type of woman and will literally try to make it work as much as I possibly can before I break up with someone, even if I wanted to leave for months prior. So with that said, when I did leave my relationships, it didn't take me long to get back out there. Not in a sexual sense though. I didn't jump from one guy to another. However, I definitely did talk to others fairly quickly after I left. Like maybe a week.

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    • 7d

      She told me she loved me a day before the argument and how we will get married. I bought up the same argument about an ex of hers that was dropped already. I said some rude thing. And while I was apologizing she was with him

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    • 7d

      Yea and it made me toxic too

    • 6d

      Unfoetunately, that is what normally happens.

  • Depending on the depth of the person's involvement in the relationship, there's a chance that they don't ever truly get over it 100% completely.

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    • So what if they move on quick?

    • On a lot of cases people move, even if it means settling slightly for something less than what they would like in an attempt to get over their previous relationship.

    • That is true

  • Damn, sounds like she's either super pissed or didn't really like you at all. I don't usually "think" i love someone. I either do or don't. But the first guy i loved, it took me years to get over him. I still think of him now and then. The next guy broke my heart and made me really angry, and I cried for a few days but that sadness/humiliation turned to anger quick. Before I knew it, I forgot about him.

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    • 3d

      Think she may be super pissed... I just don't know anymore

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    • 1d

      Yea just feel so dumb for begging even after she told me she is with someone else. Like I was even certain she cheated on me with him. Still I begged. I don't know what I was thinking.

    • 1h

      It's okay. You really liked her and she sounds a little difficult.

  • As soon as you start switching your thought patterns to asking yourself “what am I doing?” Instead of what they are doing. I think that’s when you are truly finding a way to cope with moving on?

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  • Firstly, she's a cunt and you can do better. Secondly, everybody is different, one person might need a year and someone else might need a couple of months. Just go at a pace that's right for you, delete old texts and pictures and focus on other stuff

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    • 7d

      I had to ask her if there was someone. A week later, as I was apologizing, she told me she goes over to his house. Has met his fam. And she really likes him
      A week later my dumbass apologizes again. She told me "let me rub some more in your face" and told me how she spent the holidays with his family, goes out of town with him, how she learnt from our relation, and how perfect he is.
      I had enough. All this was on my bday and would be our anniversary.

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    • 7d

      Do you wanna know why she did that, it's because she's not a good person and she needs to talk to a professional. What she's got going isn't okay

    • 7d

      And she called me an emotional abuser
      - We broke up before and 2 weeks later I felt comfy to take a classmate on a date (no kissing or anything) I even told her as we were friends. But I cut it off with that girl as she didn't mean anything to me
      - My girlfriend even got flowers from an ex and kept them till they died. But again we weren't talking so I didn't mind.
      But this time I was apologizing and apologizing while she was sleeping with him and replying to me. Guess she was a horrible person all along.

  • Technically it takes 9 months for forgetting lost love issues... but there are some things you need to do first such as deleting pictures messages... put all the presents away , and also deleting his\her number... try not to face that person for long time and fill your time with what can make you buzzy and to keep your mind buzzy , i myself also deactive my account (instagram) for a while because I don’t want to see or hear or know anything about my ex... and it works for me.

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  • As a dumper you regret it later... its been like 9 months and i think of him everyday

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  • Keep telling yourself she doesn't want you back and you deserve better

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  • wow, I'm sorry. something else happened before that? Is she sleeping with others to make u angry or jealous?

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    • 4d

      Fight was about a friends with benefits she lied about seeing before we talked. Then had a convo with him after we talked...
      And idt so. She sounds in love with him

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    • 1d

      u deserve better, u really do. One day she will beg for this kind of attention she will never have anymore.
      I did went back to my ex too, I regret too. but we can't regret things forever can we? Right now u r at denial stage, u want her back, u have hope that y'all will be together again. Now it feels horrible, but just wait a few months, time heals u so don't worry

    • 1d

      That is true.. Thank you so much :)
      I hope you are feeling better after your BU

  • It took him about two weeks. To be fair he had already dumped me temporarily before then

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  • Never loved a guy before. Had some strong feelings for him but that’s it.

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  • I can have another you in a minute... lol jk depends sometimes it’s just a revenge thing

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  • Lol as soon as I find someone I like

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    • 7d

      How long till you would have sex with them or stay over their house?
      My ex stayed over a week later

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    • 7d

      She’s hurt so she’s seeking validation from him. Most likely. Cuz she doesn’t even know him, it’s just sex. Perhaps wanted to make you jealous. Do you still talk

    • 7d

      They were friends before and she told me he was no one
      But last time she told me she had Thanksgiving at his house, how she learnt from our relation, how she goes out of town with him, and how perfect he is
      I blocked her after she kept shoving it in

  • She is right

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  • She never loved you and you deserve better.

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  • 2 days ://

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  • This is getting just sad.

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  • Years

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  • Took me 8 months

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  • It has been more than a year and I still love him, I still can't let anyone to kiss me or have sex with anybody else. This is really sad..

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  • Like a second lol all i felt was relief and satisfaction of being single again

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  • Still moving on..

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  • She doesn’t sound ‘keeper’ material.
    But, if that’s what you want...

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    • 5d

      Well 2 weeks before she officially left we had to take a step back in the relation. My parents found out about us and they freaked out.
      We still told talked about how we loved eachother.
      This girl screenshotted my snap stories and she said "nobody tries to get with my man like that, block that bitch" I was so mad I said "Don't call me your man" but I ultimately blocked her
      Then she told me about this guy who others thought they flirt. They had 20+ snaps. Week later she was with him.

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    • 5d

      I would say go find yourself a nice lady who respects herself and others. And is kind to herself and others. And Focus more on her personality and not looks.

      But that’s not what you want...

    • 5d

      Yea the girl is 5 years older than me and still in community college. She is an illegal immigrant.
      Her friends with benefits was her cousin's cousin
      Another was her parent's godson who had 2 kids of his own

      I am going to med school next year. I guess I just felt lonely and fucked it up.

  • We werent dating. But I cut ties and its pretty depressing.

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  • Honesty, about 2 years maybe..
    I thought he was taking me serious because future plans were being made and just his way of being with me made me feel truly loved and all but I realized all was false when he posted a picture of him kissing someone else.. He never told me we couldn't continue, no goodbye, no nothing. He just left without an explanation or anything.
    It tore me, I wasn't mentally ready. I was already facing things at home and seeing that picture just made my heart sink all the way..
    I think of him at times (a few songs remind me of him lol) but I don't feel angry nor do I miss him. It's whatever now really and I forgive him. Not for his sake, for my own peace (:

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    • 7d

      Yea she told me she loved me dsy before and even said "see you at the wedding" Even thanked me for teaching her to take things slowly in a relation
      One fight could throw it all away? And make her move on so fast. I am having trouble at home too and she was always there to help. But now with her gone it felt like all was a lie.

  • 1 1/2 years. Although I was the complete opposite when It came breakup to stages. I was actually backwards when it came to moving on.

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    • 7d

      Were you the dumper?
      And what do you mean opposite?

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    • 7d

      Nethier. We actually took It slow and lasted a very long time. That's why It took so long to move on

    • 7d

      Yea my ex and I did the same thing too
      She told me she would never be with anyone after me
      How I taught her how to take things slowly
      But days later she was spending the night with the new guy

  • His mistake was so huge that my heart dried out in a week while my mind got control.
    I made a decision that I won't listen to my heart anymore as I have always been before meeting him.

    1 week was enough not to remember him on daily basis.

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    • 7d

      What was the mistake?
      We kept arguing about an ex of hers and I told her I won't bring it up again. But I did and I said some mean things. I tried apologizing for a week but she was with him

    • 7d

      Few months after he proposed to me he said it was his family's idea and he wasn't sure yet and having second thoughts.
      I didn't need a lot of thinking.

What Guys Said 32

  • Well I've been in the same situation, crazy girl stealing your heart then breaking it worse then anyone else can. I used a month to stop crying, was my first real love as well. The 2nd real love i was only sad for about 2 weeks, then it was completely fine again. While the first one i spent 3 months to forget. Its hard life man, love hurts, but it gets better. Sounds stupid but its in most cases true

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    • 7d

      Did your first love get into another relation days later?

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    • 7d

      Yes, I understand I have some fault. And was willing to work them out. I never pointed out her flaws to her so she always thought she was perfect.
      We were actually best friends before we dated and I knew everything about her. Guess I still wanted to pursue.

    • 7d

      Thats the thing about love man, it makes you blind and do things without logical sense behind. Its also what makes its so funny and interesting, because when your over a girl/guy, thats when you see clearer and maybe notice a bit better what was good and not.

      As to not pointing out her faults, well... you kinda have too, but in a kind and sincere way, a way they dont get offended (wich gets harder and harder the more "modern" a person is these days). Like say you and your girl are talking on the coach, and you try to figure how to tell she is 2 much of a control freak. Then you can say something a bit better, like "i love you, but i was wondering, I love beeing with you, but no one likes beeing "controlled" more than necessary. Could we maybe slack up on (phone calls, friends of opposite sex etc). I dunno, im not good with examples to be honest. I just say things as it is haha

  • My last serious relationship/break up took about 6 months to be resolved and ready to move on. I dated sooner than that but it was very casual, no commitment.

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  • I would say it took me about 3 to 4 years overall. I mean trying to get over her was okay... it didn't take that long, maybe a year at the max. It was the other things she did that put me in a bad place. She cheated on me, so it took me about 4 years to put my trust into people again. It was a rough patch

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  • If there’s one thing I learned about women man is that most of them are very emotionally unstable... like you said one second they tell you that you’re everything to them and the next they’re dumping you over some stupid shit.

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    • 3d

      Yea and she promised how the new guy was just a friend and how after me she will never be anyone else.
      Like I hate that while I am begging and crying for her she is sleeping with him. And I had to find out.

  • It usually can take 2-4 months about the average time.

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    • 7d

      That's what I think too. And she moving on made me realize if I was a bad boyfriend
      I blocked any female friend for her that made her uncomfy
      She wanted me to take calls in front of her, I did
      I bought her dinner when we would go out
      I taught her friend for 6 hours 2/ week
      I made sure to tell her I loved her and talked to her every day
      I argued a lot and would get intense
      I didn't buy her flowers or jewlery.. That I regret.

  • I was married for over 11 years and I am still only 80% over being cheated on and dumped and it has been over a year. The longer you were with someone the harder it is to move on.

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  • Well I've been in a similar situation my man and if she really like you this wouldn't have happened, if it was true love it would have never gone away

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    • Amen man. She would at lead wait longer.

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    • Interesting fact about love. It's out of your control you can't just change it based on your preference at the time. Love never goes away and if she really moved on that fast then there was no love.

    • She used to be so sweet and do such nice things for me. Tell me she loves me every day. Guess it was all a lie.

  • I burnt the bridge the day I found out she was cheating on me.

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  • 5 minutes, but almost two months to get over the emotional abuse she did to me.

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  • Moving on started when I decided that I was gonna move on :').

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  • The dumping was mutual, it's been just over a year and it still stings like it was yesterday...

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  • Like 5 months but still dont feel like dating or anything its like i am broken inside.

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  • 4 women it's about 3 months for guys about a yr for another serious relationship

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  • several months, but tbh I still think about her sometimes

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  • I'm still not over her, and she cut ties almost one year ago

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  • I bet she had that guy lined up already. Women monkey branch

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    • 5d

      Yea think you are right. I had my suspicions about him too

  • Out of curiosity, what was this argument about? That may have tied into the speed of moving on.

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    • 7d

      About a former friends with benefits. She lied about talking to him when we first were talking and it got bought up again. I called her a “whore” in the heat of the moment. She said some stuff too. While I was apologizing this happened.

    • 7d

      Well, I reckon that it is clear that your beliefs are not compatible. Be glad that God, or whatever you believe in, has saved you from an unfulfilling and potentially hostile relationship.

  • Some 10-15 days.. just a matter of strong brain and best friends

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  • About a month

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  • Honestly 5 maybe 6 weeks

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  • not very nice

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  • How long had you been together?

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    • 3d

      Best friends for 2 years. Dated for 6 months

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    • 2d

      Yeah. But it's easy to do and say things during breakup. Let it go.

    • 2d

      Yea I need to focus on the important stuff now. Forget about her toxic self

  • About a year and counting...

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  • 3 years and counting

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  • Long, very long.😑
    Not yet...

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  • About 6 or 7 months

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  • You are the dunpee not the dunpee

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  • It can take up to a year for me...

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  • a decade

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  • Longest time. More than a year

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