Rumors - do you believe them? what would you believe if you heard this?

Say you met a guy/girl and you are immediately attracted, you go up to them ask for their number and everything. She/he seems amazing, intelligent, sweet and caring and there is just something about this person that really has you intrigued!

The next day you talk to them through text and they keep impressing you! Anyway you ask for their IM and talk to them a lot and still like them.

Anyway a few days later you're hanging out with your friends and tell them about this person you met that you really liked. All of a sudden they tell you they've heard of them and say that this person you are smitten with is a sleaze/player, and you are basically having a sloppy seconds.

The next day you don't know what to think as the rumors seem absurd so you ask the person if its true, they deny it (and they are telling the truth). Soon after you just keep hearing bad rumors about this person from your friends.

You were really smitten at first but now you're not so sure. Would you give them a fair chance and see for yourself who they are since you liked them and its up to you and not you're friends to find out. Or would you instantly change your opinion about them, lose respect for them?


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Most Helpful Girl

  • In your age range, rumors can be sparked not by truth but by a person either disliking you and making stuff up or a person just misunderstanding or disagreeing with something you do. That person then usually influences a group of people. The group consists of either people who don't want to get on that person's bad side or people who find it easier to go with what that person says. Add in all the other people that just actually believe what they hear and you can have a large group of people that seem to independently confirm the rumor.

    A short way of putting the above, is one small disagreement with the wrong person and you can end up in a hot mess of B.S.

    Now, I see you are looking at what someone believed about you, and how to influence this guy to see things differently. I don't have a lot of advice on how to change his mind. It's not like he is going to read what I have to say and do it. I would say if you ever get in the situation of hearing a rumor and wondering about another person, ask a lot of questions first. Ask the person telling you the story about how they found out, what they personally saw the person do, etc. In other words, dig for factual info and disregard that person's opinion on the behavior.

    This guy, even if he did want to get the facts and not just opinions, he may just not be strong enough or interested enough in trying to turn the tide with his friends. This isn't just about him believing differently, he has a support system of friends he values and he would have to convince them as well or risk being ostracized. Not a lot of younger guys and gals want to be on the outs with their friends.

    Sorry to hear your situation. Know who you are, own it and feel good about yourself, even if you cannot change this particular guy's opinion.

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    • Thank you! This is exactly what happened. The guy that told the interested one that he knew me used to like me 5 years ago and asked me out. I was still young then and didn't feel ready for a rship so I said no. From that day he made sure to start rumors and spread them to his circle of friends who obviously believed it. Another thing, the guy that was interested is not the type to approach girls and when he approached me his friends made fun of him pretty much so he wouldn't talk to me

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    • No, you are right. I don't speak to him anymore but he keeps speaking to me, that is, when he's friends aren't around. Major asshole

    • Yes, at some point I would give him a piece of my mind. The only type of person that I cannot stand more than someone who is open about not liking me is a person who acts one way with their friends and another way with me. I prefer an honest a-hole to a fake friend. Good luck!

Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 7

  • Talk is cheap. People could be saying things about you that may or may not be true, but you have the opporunity to prove them wrong. If you don't like hearing the rumours, that's one thing. But give the guy the benefit of the doubt. Wouldn't you want the same thing?

    Funny thing about rumours is, that it's all he say, she say garbage. For all you know your friends(people telling you rumours) could like him and just want the opportunity to get close to him. You never know. People who start rumours are haters. That's their job is to hate, so let them. You can't believe everything you hear.

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  • Here's the problem. I have a reputation of being a player, and it's fairly accurate. In order to be a player, you need to be good with women. Every player will come off as amazing, intelligent, sweet, caring and intriguing to use your words, because that's how they attract women.

    Now here's the problem. I can't speak for every player, but I can speak for myself. When I meet a girl that I really like, I completely change my ways and become all about her. Faithful, loyal, honest. But because a players reputation precedes them, the girl has trouble telling whether or not it is genuine and may not give the guy the benefit of the doubt (understandably) but they could in fact be missing out on something good. So if you really like this guy, give it a chance. Take things slow until you're absolutely sure about him. Good luck.

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  • Yeah this is always tricky. I always like to let people prove themselves to me, and form my own impressions, because your gut reaction is fairly accurate. When other people say bad things about that person, I'll take it into account of course, maybe take things slower, but ultimately it's a new relationship between me and that person.

    And yeah, asking the person if the rumors are true, of course they will always deny them. Words can be manipulated and people can say whatever they want. It's the actions that determine who that person is, and what I pay attention to.

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  • I would hardly believe a rumor unless they gave me good, solid reasons why something is true. I generally only trust my close friends anyway, so if one of them said something then I'd ask them to explain further. But the person wasn't, and if they couldn't explain themselves then I wouldn't believe them. I'd rather hear it from either the person themselves or a close friend.

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  • I wouldn't listen to my friends if they said something like that. I would try to find out myself what she's really like.

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    • This happened to me, but the guy believed the rhumours :( He initiated the contacting and told me he liked me and that I had smitten him, but he chose to believe his friends. Now he will ignore me but if his friend's aren't around he will talk to me and doesn't take me seriously.

  • proceed cautiously. If he really likes you make him work for it, if he really is a player he will move on. If he is not or wants to reform himself he will try harder to gain your attention and affection.

    That Simple

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  • Only if they have factual evidence to support the rumors. Otherwise I would tell them to STFU and GTFO.

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What Girls Said 8

  • The problems with rumors is that you have no way of confirming or denying them. Personally, I tend to ignore them and get to know the person for myself. I would rather draw my own conclusions free from any external influences. When I meet someone I always have my guard up and never trust too easily. It's just too easy to be 'sucked' into an 'illusion,' only to be disappointed and hurt in the end. I have found that as a person gets comfortable with you, very gradually you start to see his/her true colors and his/her guard goes down too. Then you can really see who you are dealing with.

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    • I gave you an up and want to stress part of what you said for the user who asked this question. You will see her true colors over time. The closer you get and the longer you are together, the more "you" you become in front of them. I went form being quiet/shy around a guy I liked, to more of my real loud/dorky self after we started dating. Lucky for me, he likes me even more now. The rumors about this girl may be false. :) Girls can be malicious and spread lies about each other for many reasons!

    • @JerseyGirl92 "Girls can be malicious and spread lies about each other for many reasons!" so true, and believe it or not guys can do it too!

  • i would give them a chance, you don't have real evidence proving they did anything like that, but on the other hand I would just keep an eye out to make sure they werent that way. I mean would you want someone to listen to a dumb rumor just because someone said the same thing to someone you like

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  • I am sorry but if you are as intelligent as he is then you would not be asking us this question but give the guy a chance - talk is cheap, people will talk about you till the day you die - heck even after you are dead they still talk about you but it is up to you to believe rumors - hence the term rumors!

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  • No I don't believe rumors. There was a rumor about me last year that I had sex with one of my best guy friends in the school bathroom. Like I've said I'm a virgin and he was just a friend so we didn't do anything.

    I would give the person a chance honestly, just because someone says something it doesn't mean it's true.

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  • You should give them a fair chance. Your friends may not be lying, but I'm assuming none of them were actually ever with the guy and their getting this all from rumors. You should see for yourself. Basically what everyone else has said ^^;

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  • Yes I would because I don't follow the crowd anyway. I like to give people the benefit of the doubt until I see otherwise. why not ?

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  • Why would your friends lie? My friends are stealing, cutting, druggies and I know the would NEVER lie to me. Why would they? What do they possibly have to gain?

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    • I don't think it's about lying. They're just saying what they heard from other people and what they believe is true. They wouldn't want their friend to go out with someone who has a bad reputation.

  • i would believe it. some rumors are based on some fact. otherwise they wouldn't be there

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